Uploaded: 6 years ago
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Part 1 - https://aryion.com/g4/view/454040
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I still do not know how to speak english, but I'm trying to improve grammar and spelling in other ways, please let me know if it has improved or worsened (it's serious, I'm not good with english)
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Posted by ca50 6 years ago Report
I'm currently experiencing some personal problems, so I'm hardly logged in, but I'm still alive
Posted by soline 6 years ago Report
Improvements: I think you have improved, the writing is better. Your biggest problem is using gender (he/his) wrong. You often call Alana 'his' (Male) rather than 'her' (Female) and in Part 1 you called toys 'he' (In English only living things can be he/she. Objects are 'it')
Story: This is an excellent story, well done! I like it a lot, particularly how much she struggled to keep the dog in. After such a big enema stretching her out maybe she will have much more ease next time >:D
Please do keep writing and improving! You have good potential!
Posted by ca50 6 years ago Report
Thank you, it is in my case for the time being I can not do an English course, so I used only Google translator, but this time, I changed the language of the Office word to be able to use the spelling correction, but since I did not understand English I was still in doubt . thank you for your comment, I will continue to write and try to improve.
Posted by Lolotun 5 years ago Report
What is your native language?
Posted by ca50 5 years ago Report
Portuguese