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Poison Joke-ing Around By MystiLake -- Report

Uploaded: 6 years ago

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Tags: Accidental vore Anal Vore Applejack F/F My Little Pony Rainbow Dash Sex Unbirth Edit

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Rainbow Dash and Applejack have been dating for a while. So explicit activities are not unusual between them. So when Rainbow Dash crashes into Applejack after "flying through Poison Joke", some more intimate activities take place.

A roleplay done between myself and Shyny, which went so well we continued it right after. Hope you guys enjoy!

Comment on Poison Joke-ing Around

MystiLake: Hey! Comments help me to improve, so feel free to leave any criticisms you have!

And if you just want to say hi or tell me a job well done, feel free to do that too! Just...no hate, ok?

Comments
Base54

Posted by Base54 6 years ago Report

One thing that I noticed is that each new paragraph starts with Rainbow Dash and Applejack's perspectives. I have a hunch that this wasn't done unintentionally since it happens so frequently. It's not a bad fic, it's well written. And I won't tell you how to write 1st person view. Just remember that it could become confusing to a reader, constantly having to remember that each new paragraph, a new perspective is given. To fix this problem, I would suggest having one fic express Rainbow's point of view and then release another one where it expresses Applejack's point of view.

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MystiLake

Posted by MystiLake 6 years ago Report

I understand. Unfortunately, this was written as a RP with Shyny, so for that reason it can be jumpy.

Thanks for the feedback though! We're actually doing more 3rd person RPs if we know they're going to be shared to compensate for this (because rules on FimFiction dictate it)

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