Posted by Kasra 6 years ago Report

Fantastic set of stories here! A lot of interesting characters and character interactions, expected results of actions and unexpected twists, and I quite like Kliss. And the three perspectives were all interesting, despite essentially being the same story repeated; I did read all three, but I'll spare you the effort of reading three similar comments. Besides, Kliss' perspective is probably my favorite since it mixes together the predator and prey thought processes so well.

Again, great work on this.

Posted by BizzareBlue 6 years ago Report

Thanks. I'm really glad you liked them. I was worried that describing the same events three times would make the story drag out a little and am really glad you found the three perspectives managed to stay interesting. Kliss was definitely one of my favorite characters to write and I may have to use her again if I come up with an interesting idea for her.

Posted by Kasra 6 years ago Report

It was basically the same story from three different emotions and it felt like it worked. I found that I was looking forward to seeing the pieces that had been missing; I think it was especially since I started with Varra's perspective (it was the first in my inbox).

Varra's perspective is shorter than the others, then Kliss adds some more detail (the conversation with Anya, for example, which Varra merely observed from afar without detail), and then Terrin's which filled in the rest of the information that was missing. I imagine it would work similarly in other orders, but that was mine.

And Kliss, she's the only predator of yours I've read that would even admit to having a "don't eat list." Putting her in the midst of a group of prey, and finding herself in a preyish position herself, was a very interesting read.

The only question I have is about size comparisons between characters, but that's something that's been bothering me since I read Redwall as a kid. Matthias the mouse lands in the cat's mouth at the end of the first section, does that mean the badger is also badger sized compared to the rest of the animals? How d they all sit at the same dinner table? How is a rat a threat when they've got otters and such! How does any of that work?!

...Sorry, I'll stop ranting now.

Posted by BizzareBlue 6 years ago Report

Thanks, I'm really glad to hear that. And yeah, I uploaded them in that order because I thought they would likely read best that way, but hopefully they work whichever one you start with. While Kliss isn't quite the only predator in my stories who has a few prey friends that she wouldn't eat, she is definitely one of the safer preds.

As for the sizes, there is a bit of ambiguity, and sizes aren't always completely consistent between different stories. In general, I picture the rabbits and stoat as coming up to about waist high on the cat with the fox and wolf both being a little larger. Meanwhile the rest of the prey species are around shoulder height to the rabbits, except the mice and vole who are around waist height to the rabbits. I tried not to be too specific about it though, partly to avoid contradicting any other stories, and partly so the reader can envision the size difference as they feel best. For the prey, at least, the sizes are close enough that they could all sit around a table together without too much difficulty.

And you certainly don't have to be sorry. I'm always delighted to get comments on my stories.

Posted by Kasra 6 years ago Report

Oh, I just meant sorry for the unrelated Redwall nonsense. But that really has been bothering me since I was like five years old. I really could go on and on about it.

I was a weird kid.

Ambiguity is probably ideal, and you're right, leaving it up to the reader is a good plan. It really does make more sense to just establish a general pecking order. Though doing a mental comparison real quick, at least with this story, those guidelines match shockingly well to how you described things. And I quite enjoy the "predators don't generally hunt predators" silent rule.

Part of me wanted to ask about a recommended order, before starting, but it looks like I guessed right! Or, more specifically, you uploaded right. I can't reread it without foreknowledge at this point, but I do think that this order adds more with each iteration than any other combination..

Man, though, part of commenting on a story (or set of stories in this case) is wanting to avoid putting spoilers in the comment section. Makes it a tad harder to comment on specifics.

Posted by BizzareBlue 6 years ago Report

Ah, I never actually read the redwall series but I've heard a bit about them. I'm glad the rules feel like they fit in with the rest of the series. The "don't hunt other predators" and "don't interfere with other's hunts" did get briefly mentioned before but not in as much detail as this.

Also, I probably wouldn't worry too much about spoilers in the comments as I assume most people will read the story before scrolling down. I do struggle with the tags a little sometimes though, as those can show up before the story and there are often things that I think should be included but that would give away the ending.

Posted by Kasra 6 years ago Report

That's fair enough! And I still remember the accidental fake-out in The Coin Toss.

Let's see then...the entire sequence of Varra getting eaten was delightful; the sense of fighting prey and attempted rescuers was well delivered. Though man, there's that heartstring moment where you get hers and Anya's perspectives combined, with Anya saying "she'd be happy that I got away" whereas Varra's like "I've been abandoned by my friend I was depending on." The things people tell themselves!

I was almost a little surprised that Kliss DIDN'T get eaten, given how much she was messing with everybody else's hunt. Not unhappy, Kliss is great, but it's interesting to see just how solid that informal rule is. Also a liiiiittle disappointing that Anya makes it onto that "do not eat" list," especially after Yen tries to set up the "drinks later" scenario, but I quite liked that moment where Kliss gets smacked with a "we're friends" and just doesn't know how to process it.

And I wouldn't say that Terrin has come close to redemption, heck I'm not even convinced that Grane is wrong about her being right back here in a year. I do wonder how those social interactions will go down the line, especially with Kliss saying she's going to watch over Terrin for a while to respect Surran's last wishes. On reflection, it seems like Kliss has TWO "do not eat" lists; one's a suggestion, which Terrin is on, while the other is solid, for Yen and Anya.

Poor Surran goes down, after all that effort, but I'll be honest: wolves are a favorite pred of mine so I was happy that Grane got his moment. The whole attempt at bargaining was also quite interesting, with Grane clearly in command but still being somehow...not necessarily reasonable, but civil about it all? It once again brings home the overall idea of "this is the way this society is built," which I appreciate.

Posted by BizzareBlue 6 years ago Report

Wow. I'm really glad you liked it and thanks so much for the feedback on this. It really helps me improve my writing for future stories. I know I was being cruel when I had Anya state her assumptions on how Varra would have viewed things. Varra's story was always supposed to be tragic but I was a tiny bit worried that that was going a little too far.

Yeah, I agree. It might have been better if Kliss had toyed with the idea of eating Anya for a little longer. There were probably more effective moments when she could have come to the realization that she didn't want to eat Anya, and it might have meant she could toy with the idea a little longer. Kliss was always supposed to be one of the most honorable characters though, so it just didn't feel like it would fit for her to continue plotting to eat Anya after she had helped her. There may have been a better moment for her to come to that decision though.

Also agree with Terrin. She has a long way to go to even start making up for what she has done. Still, I think the difference between her at the start and the end is that she now realizes that and is determined to try, even if she doesn't ever achieve that. Still, she at least has Anya's support now, which might help her to be a better person than she has so far managed. I think Grane was probably wrong about her future prospects. If the rest of the group had found out what she had done then he would almost certainly have been right but, with Surran taking the blame, she has a good chance of avoiding that fate.

And yeah, poor Surran. She really was too nice to survive something like this. If she had just run for the door and left those in the sack to their fate then she would have made it and Anya would have been eaten instead. I'm glad you liked Grane as well, and yeah, he does come across as very reasonable for the primary antagonist but, from his point of view, he's just had the best night's hunt of his life and has enough food to last him for months or more. There's no reason for him not to be in a very good mood and willing to treat both Kliss and Terrin a little more leniently than he otherwise might.

I've also been toying with a few ideas for a follow up, likely focused on Kliss and possibly the chance to explore a little more of her relationship with Yen. There's lots about how she dealt with being on the prey side of things, but not much showing her in her more usual role as a predator, so I'd like the chance to go into that as well.

Posted by Kasra 6 years ago Report

Oh, I wouldn't say it was too cruel; again, it's "how the world is" in this setting. I was more thinking along the lines of the dichotomy between those that die and those that survive them in such a situation: it's pretty far-fetched, in most cases, that somebody in Varra's position would be thinking of anything other than "hey look I'm about to die" and pinning some blame on those she expected to help. There's just not much left for her to do at that point unless it happened to be her favorite soap opera on TV and she just wanted to hear one last dramatic twist before she died.

I actually think that it fits exactly the way it is. You're right, Kliss takes a more honorable position on these matters, and the simple fact of the matter is that she has her life straight-up saved by Surran and then fights alongside Anya. That's not to say that it wouldn't be fun for Kliss to prove just how capable of eating Anya she is, but it wouldn't actually work.

The angle of Terrin's support network is an interesting one; through Anya, and that request by Surran, she reaches Kliss, through Kliss, Yen. She actually does have a pretty sturdy set of friends and sorta-friends after this, despite her actions. That alone, now that I think of it, probably does get her life back in order...though a lot of it depends on just how she got herself into this position in the first place.

I really quite enjoy the it's-just-business angle that Grane plays in this. It's ever so slightly different than the usual "hunting hours" mentality you depict; it's a legitimate business exchange from his perspective. He paid for information, the information paid off in spades. Whatever "in spades" actually means. Heck, he even plans to sell some of his catch to make back some of what he spent! It's honestly more planning and effort than we've seen from other predators that I can think of, who mostly function on a basis of "subsistence or opportunity." Though with that in mind, it does make me wonder about what conversations he has with his food when he literally has more than he knows what to do with.

More with some of these characters would be great! I must admit, after Yen's false statement on how they met, I'm curious.

Posted by BizzareBlue 6 years ago Report

Yeah, poor Varra, and I'm really glad that that didn't feel too harsh. When I first started working out the plot, Varra was initially going to be one of the few survivors, but that quickly changed to her ending up as the first to get eaten.

Kliss getting the opportunity to tease Anya a little would be good and I can see her possibly taking that chance at some point in the future, even if they both know she wouldn't actually go through with it. I may have to work that into some future story if I see a good place for it.

I guess I was a little vague about how Terrin managed to end up so desperate for money, but a lack of anyone she felt she could rely on was probably a factor. At any rate, whatever state the rest of her life was in, I can see Anya stepping in to help resolve things for her.

Grane is definitely one of my more entrepreneurial preds and I can definitely see how his attitude differs from most other hunters. I guess a lot of them would take more pride in their hunting and be reluctant to sell someone that they had caught, even if they could buy back the same amount of food with that money. I have to admit that I don't really know what conversations he might have with those in that sack. He doesn't really seem likely to talk too much to his food, but he also doesn't strike me as the kind of predator who would just ignore someone if they tried to speak to him.

Finally, I do have some notes planning out how Yen and Kliss's first encounter actually went, but I'm not sure if it's enough to build a story around just yet. Also, as a prequel, it has a kind of predictable ending and I'd like to show Kliss having a more successful hunt some time. The other advantage of doing a story set after this one is that I'd be able to put in a few references to how Terrin and Anya were getting on, and perhaps even Selna.