Posted by ZeldaNoVorsu 5 years ago Report

*Laughs in Divine Scribe.*

Hopefully others will learn from Mara's mistake. The affairs of Zelda are not to be messed with when is around.

Posted by techtician 5 years ago Report

*angry chibi Mara noises*

So how did you enjoy this first jaunt for Mara?

Posted by ZeldaNoVorsu 5 years ago Report

I was kind of surprised you had her knocked down so quickly, but weakening her right away will also make the story more interesting.

Posted by techtician 5 years ago Report

I wanted to have her face Zelda first since Nightmare would have mentioned her being an issue in his original universe

Posted by ZeldaNoVorsu 5 years ago Report

That's especially true given what she's about to do to him in the finale. Perhaps now he'll realize that the best way to deal with Zelda is to simply leave her alone. Doing so would also keep Ganon off his back after all.

Posted by techtician 5 years ago Report

True true. Well she probably has...not learned her lesson tbh.

Now how did you like the writing itself?

Posted by ZeldaNoVorsu 5 years ago Report

Time to finally respond to this, I suppose. Overall, I think this is a fairly solid piece with good set up, action, and resolution. There is some world building throughout. The only thing I think lacks is the vore scene itself, but I can't find a really valid way to critique that as showing any more of it ruins the plot twist. I think if you keep at it, you'll continue to improve.

Posted by techtician 5 years ago Report

Oh well thank you, i need to find time to write the next part which should be interesting

Posted by ZeldaNoVorsu 5 years ago Report

Where will Mara go next?

Posted by techtician 5 years ago Report

Actually she'll be dabbling into time travel through a more ki based way. Probably have to dodge some ki blasts to get her prey