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Lutro made it past the interview! Now's the time for the buizel to be given a proper tour of the place he will hopefully call home... If he survives initiation. Lutro meets his fellow apprentices and more throughout the day, though supper isn't exactly something to write home about. The buizel has another antagonist to combat as a result: His own nagging hunger! The growling belly tempts Lutro into doing something he really shouldn't...
Starting in 2020, we'll see what happens when Lutro is a good little buizel and stays in bed! As well as what happens when he can't ignore his hunger...
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Posted by Ix141 5 years ago Report
I really like this chapter, I think it’s the one that’s gone and gotten me invested in this adventure. You’ve introduced the guild in a nice way so that they all stand out even with the limited time per character. Lara especially, something about the way she interacts/her reputation with others up to now vs Lutro’s perspective clicked really well for her character here, I think. A lot of pmd stories live-or-die by how well they handle the guild and partner aspects and I think you’ve nailed the intro on both.
If I had to point to some area to improve on, it would be that the vore-hook seems a bit too on the nose even for a glutton-type character like Lutro. I guess it reads more like the narrative knows ahead of time this will be lead to a ‘bad end’—as opposed to Lutro knowing it—and it doesn’t make those judgements elsewhere in the story so it sticks out. I think saying it’s a little overly-foreshadowed would be appropriate but this might be endemic to vore-hooks on a vore-site so I’m not sure if it’s a problem ‘per se’.
In any case, this chapter was a real treat and I’ll be keeping an eye out for more of these in the new year!
Posted by lutro 5 years ago Report
I'm really glad you're enjoying it, and thanks for the feedback!
Yeah, it's very much on-the-nose in terms of what may or may not happen to Lutro on this opener. I'd originally intended to make the story more choose-your-own-adventure-style with things like this, but that wasn't panning out. This chapter, however, is from that earlier era so the "obviousness" kind of stuck. Future chapters will be less "what should Lutro do" and more "what if -this- happened and things didn't quite work out."
I hope to deliver on the content and I appreciate having a fan of this story!