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A Lazy Day By Maja -- Report

You were all set to enjoy a lazy Saturday with your friend, Kit. that is until the red panda girl starts to get hungry...

Something I wrote up today. I'm a huge fan of casual vore, so I really enjoyed writing this one. Hopefully you all like it too.

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ObsidianSnake

Posted by ObsidianSnake 5 years ago Report

I think you did a really great job on this. You've handled the casual aspect of it extremely well. Kit's playful personality comes through in both her dialogue and how you depict her action.

One bit of constructive feedback I have is, sadly, all form-related, but those are important, too. The prose may read a little easier if you break up the paragraphs a bit more, especially when dialogue is involved. Like, when... I... speak in here, it would be a different paragraph, like the handing of a microphone is a different paragraph if that makes any sense. Obviously, you don't have to follow the convention, but most people find that it improves their prose when they break it up that way.

Maja

Posted by Maja 5 years ago Report

I’m glad to hear you found the content enjoyable! And yeah, that’s good feedback, I’ll keep it in mind for the next one. Actually, if I can edit this after it’s been posted, I might try to do that.Thanks for reading and the feedback!

ObsidianSnake

Posted by ObsidianSnake 5 years ago Report

Oh, wow, I didn't know you could re-upload like that. That's a cool feature of the gallery I didn't know existed.

Beautifully done edit, by the way. It's a more comfortable read now. The little pauses for breath give a steady rhythm to the action, which is a great compliment to your illustrative pose style.

Maja

Posted by Maja 5 years ago Report

Yeah, it definitely reads much better now. Thanks for the tip.

TanookiBoy12

Posted by TanookiBoy12 5 years ago Report

Oh my god this is cute and... Kinda hot

Maja

Posted by Maja 5 years ago Report

Glad you think so!

Nihles

Posted by Nihles 5 years ago Report

Love your writing. Not too much detail, not too little. And very evocative and compact.

Oh, I love a good casual story with digestion. And even a storyline and characters that make it plausible. This is perfect. The fact that it's POV is just icing on the cake.

Maja

Posted by Maja 5 years ago Report

Aw man, that’s really amazing to hear you say that. I’m really happy you enjoyed it so much :)