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My first story, I'm open to all criticism.
Edit: I took some of Diamonte’s advice and changed the grammar, https://docs.google.com/document/d/1-eHHVn0IGjSYgDp6uN5XQ-dsgNyvBffMt-kGWnEtzEQ/edit, if you want you can comment in there. Now I’m going to start my next story with this advice in mind
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Posted by Diamonte 4 years ago Report
Love the scenario and the short and to-the-point, F/M vore.
The grammar needs work though, the story switches between past and present tense, breaking flow and engagement.
1) Do not attempt to use present tense until you have mastered conventional tense (if then, it almost never works well).
2) Look up "active voice" and use it.
3) Try not to use "was" or "says" more than once per 2000 words. This is an easy way to help with items 1 and 2, above.
Anyway, great first scene. I love confident women eating men without much regard to the prey's feelings (nor ability to resist).
Posted by Bruhidk 4 years ago Report
Thanks for the advice, I’ll try it on my next story, and maybe even redo this one.