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Outdoor Barbecue By iitadakimasu -- Report

Uploaded: 3 years ago

Views: 3,319

File size: 30.50 KiB

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Comments: 6

Favorites: 18

trying a different format let me know if it works!!! ;A;

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Cruich

Posted by Cruich 3 years ago Report

Worked for me!

KaiserDunk

Posted by KaiserDunk 3 years ago Report

I like that the guy is on the menu and sitting on the grill. Just not enough self-grillers out there.

Ento

Posted by Ento 3 years ago Report

I think it worked well.
Enjoyable little story, a prey that helps in the cooking process is always fun, and getting *just* his waist grilled was a fun way to do that, though I am curious what's gonna happen after they eat his ass.
Like, are they gonna grill the rest of him? Or does reformation here happen much more akin to regeneration over respawning? Will Tami just be boobless until the rest of her is on the menu?
And how long it'll take to come back is also unclear, so it makes some of the comments hard to parse the tone/specific meaning of, as well as *how much* of a dick move springing this on Taka was or not.


Also, on a more base level, it was also hard to parse how we were supposed to see the characters, aside from Taka having a plump rump and Tami big boobs, since you didn't describe any of the characters physically, and it was hard to parse most of the girl's personalities without specifics ether.
It was also hard to imagine the environment, since no amount of characters at the picnic is ever given, and it was unclear if it was just a small lunch between coworkers or a large company gathering, since most of the people knew other on a first name basis, but there was also a random unnamed girl, and it's unclear how many other people are here.

I do really enjoy how you write the actual cooking parts and Taka's inner monologue, but a lack of establishing most of the relevant details makes it hard to just sit back and enjoy.

iitadakimasu

Posted by iitadakimasu 3 years ago Report

i never think v much about the details bc im just wanting to get to the cooking parts lol thats somethin to work on ;v; mostly i just have reformation implied because i dont like when it's fatal, im into it when its casual and a lil bit silly like "oh its not a big deal!! jeeze!"

ya it was supposed to be just coworkers, i tthink probably the reforming happens really quick i imagine it like video game respawn where its like and you're back

but like the cooking and prep are the whole kink for me so i neglect the world building and detail sometimes ;_;

NonBinaryFuta

Posted by NonBinaryFuta 3 years ago Report

This was a great story, I love self-prep and the casualness!

ZekeAndZoe

Posted by ZekeAndZoe 11 months ago Report

The moment when the boy’s cock is slipped into the bun has to be my favourite part. The visual of a pretty girl eating the cock while it’s still attached is unbelievably hot.