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I... title this one deliberately. Some who have been with me for a while might have wondered where I went or what I have been up to. This was the last thing I wrote before I left.
I realized, reading it, and some other unfinished drafts where I had been heading, where I'm still going. Even without COVID I believe nothing would have changed, that I'd still be feeling as I do today.
I learned, over this past year, that the worst punishment you can bestow upon someone is loneliness. Not one caused by loss, or depression, but rather a product of poor choices and things outside your control. I wrote Uzi as alone, and it is only now I realize I was writing about myself.
I haven't written anything since, till now. I made friends that help me feel whole, that keep me going when I feel like nothing is behind me. I didn't want to release this, but I felt if I didn't it would be like denying this past year ever happened.
Most don't understand what being alone means. At this point, I've been studying Psychology for two years, and I've come to the conclusion no one really does. It's just labeled under depression and left like that. I cannot explain how incorrect that is because I simply don't have the text space.
Can I put into words the sense of uselessness? Not that I think people would be better off without me, but a lack of contribution no matter what I do? Can I properly describe what it feels like to be cold inside, every day? I don't know if I can, but others have suggested I try. I might, but it won't involve vore.
Vore is an escape, but I need to stop running.
If you read this, I don't recommend trying to get off to it. I was confused then, and it is a mix of my inner thoughts and trying to stay in the theme of vore being a sexual pleasure. I intend to experiment with non-sexual vore, to properly understand it, figure out its limits and how to do it. I've not seen anyone else try.
But I'll post this anyway. I have to.
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Posted by M4st3r0fb41t 3 years ago Report
It must have taken great courage to post this. It certainly would have for me. But I'm glad you did.
Vore is at the end of the day a desire like any other, and can mirror our other desires within itself. Sometimes you turn to it to run away from an issue you're facing only to end up running right back into it. And I think it's something that deserves to be talked about more.
I hope you could pull through your struggles, and if you're still dealing with them that you can find the support you need.
Posted by FuzzyTaco 3 years ago Report
Thank you
Posted by thequietmanno1 3 years ago Report
I appreciate you sharing this. I'm sorry you've felt that way.
Posted by FuzzyTaco 3 years ago Report
Its alright, thank you
Posted by SergioK 3 years ago Report
That is pretty deep. Though if you want to go darker for a GFL story, vore or not vore, you could have it star FNC during the Arctic Warfare event. The things those CN Shikicunt bastards made her do...
Posted by MisterMeister 3 years ago Report
I think I might know what loneliness is like. It’s needing people to see you and understand you yet remaining invisible no matter what you do. It’s absolutely craving friendship yet going home alone every day on the same path and telling yourself it’s alright. It’s knowing exactly what you need to do yet screaming out to the universe to just give me one. It doesn’t hurt at first but eventually it burns so hot you rage and then freezes so quickly that you can’t move. It’s the ability to be happy for a little while but never feel satisfied. I have lived over 20 years without having ever had intimate human contact or one single lasting friendship. It’s illogical but true, impossible but real, momentary yet long lasting. Too weak to stand too strong to break. You want to let go but who would hear you.
Is it anything like that?
At least let me not be alone in this.
Posted by FuzzyTaco 3 years ago Report
It is, it very much is...
Posted by MisterMeister 3 years ago Report
It’s at the point where you’ve become the most extreme version of yourself constantly trying to be funny just to get a laugh and you’re one of the best at what you do but somehow that still isn’t enough to be noticed. So then you might become more extreme in your escapes. Fuzzy you and I share one (obviously or I wouldn’t be here) but it doesn’t fill the void.
I don’t want to sound like I’m begging for attention because everyone seems to hate that and yet I don’t get any attention by being silent or loud.
Really wish I could just have a conversation with someone face to face about this but of course no one I know is alone.
Man I sound like a downer.
Btw I’ve been waiting for you to come back. Glad to see you! ????
Posted by FuzzyTaco 3 years ago Report
Thank you. Coming back has been hard, but its something I've wanted to do. I'm getting help. Hang in there, friend. It gets better. When you've fallen to rock bottom, have hope, for you can go no lower and all that is left is up.