my country's government has blocked Eka's portal and disabled all the free vpn options i used before so i'm only able to connect to this site through Tor, which requires a little bit more effort to browse than i want to. i'm not in the mood to figure out why the blog script doesn't work in standard mode, but i can't write a blog entry for some reason i don't want to investigate, so i'm writing this. figured i should add a drawing, as a treat.

there won't be any more drawings from me here, or posts, or comment responses, or pms.

i kinda vanished without saying goodbye, and i think i should say goodbye now. i've been existing hermetically in the internet for almost a year now, i deleted my FA account (i deleted both my twitter blogs before that) and this account now is abandoned due to its hard accessibility and my lack of motivation in sharing my art with people.

i think it's all for the greater good. i have a steady job so i don't need to do commissions anymore, i have friends so i don't need to talk to random people on the internet and i have limitless option to draw things i want to see and browse things other people create, without engaging in conversations and sharing opinions. i think it's great. i think it's what i needed. my fantasies are mine alone now, and my life looks like a normal one too.

i don't have any reason to be here, to share what i think and feel and imagine, i don't see any interest to discuss any subjects with anyone but those who still accept me, regardless of what i say and do. i don't feel safe in a fantasy fetish community environment, neither here nor anywhere else, this is a small world, and no matter where i go, i see same people. i've been paranoid since people started banning and ignoring me for reasons unknown to me, ditching me, mocking me and writing me long epic messages of how upset they are with me, and i encounter them and their buddies everywhere within the community and remember they think of me as something unfitting for their company. it's not what i want to think about when i want to have fun with fetish art. it's not what i want to see. it's the opposite of comfort and pleasure for me. i can't understand these people because i can't reach them, they just shut the borders down and there is no hope in it, it feels like i've been cancelled by them. it haunts me. it only stops haunting me when i'm not here.

so, this is goodbye.

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