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Visiting Mommy of Trailer Town By Septia -- Report

When a young adult heads out into the country to stay with his far off relatives, he founds himself accepted into a brand new family. With a mother that takes him in with open arms, and does not intend to let go...

I wrote this story as a commission for X-01-King.


Proofreader for this story was  TheVermanator, many thanks to them.

The icon was drawn by Dendollae, many thanks to them.

This is a story in the Trailer Town Chronicle.
Other entries can be found on its chronicle hub.


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(Character Quote: "'ang on just a sec now, boy, mama's still gaht to git her time..." -Lisa Rose )


(Quick guide:

At the airport, but no one to meet them. Or...

After 1st: Singing, captured, hostage, hostile mothering, lactaction, breastfeeding, breast smothering, masturbation, facesitting, face riding, boob job,

After 2nd: Panty gagging, hot dogging, anal sex, cock milking.

After 3rd: Waking up to an compromising sight, unbirth, forced mother figure same size, unwilling prey.

After 4th: Epilogue, getting comfy and ready to head out. )



(Legend:

Cent: Short term for centimetre.
Deci: Short term for decimetre.
Chronicle: A series of stories conneted but not sequential. Ongoing stories without regular updates. Rapacitor: A predator who eats for the sake of greed and gluttony.)


New stories uploaded every Friday.
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Comments
Raytraza

Posted by Raytraza 3 years ago Report

Loved your text, i think your onomatopeias could get some work and the dialogue is a bit crammed between the paragraphs, but the execution of the sex and unbirt scenes was great!

Septia

Posted by Septia 1 year ago Report

I do split my paragraphs by dialogue and character action. With longer splits for shifts in scenes or time.

soline

Posted by soline 3 years ago Report

Amazingly hot story, love the concept and your descriptive action is just spot on <3.

As a bit of constructive criticism though I have to agree with Raytraza in saying your onomatopoeia's could use a bit of work. As a general rule when you're describing noises like you do here, shorter is better. Split up longer sounds with hyphens if you need them but remember what you're trying to do is inject specific sounds into peoples minds. I'm positive you were thinking of specific noises when writing but from a reader's perspective I honestly could not read them at all, even specifically trying to sound out what was written. I think what you seemed to have gone for is describing a sequence of sounds, like a squelch-pop-burble-squish, but if you don't already know that's what it says, it's impossible to read.

Not to say it detracted from the story at all, it was clear the general vibe and atmosphere and messy-ness you were going for; I just think it's something that could make your writing even better in future.

Septia

Posted by Septia 1 year ago Report

There certainly is a place for longer onomatopoeia, some in case of seeking a mesh of different sounds together, and other times for impact of a particularly long or loud sound.
However, splitting up certain sound effects with hyphens could work out at times. For a while I got caught in a certainty of the sounds that on closer inspection were not as clear.

I have always been one to sound out my onomatopoeia to find what suits well, and I will strive to convey this all the better in the future as well. Thank you for the pointers.

TheDudeDude

Posted by TheDudeDude 1 year ago Report

I would love to see a sequel to this maybe she lets him out for a bit or something

Septia

Posted by Septia 1 year ago Report

There might just be a sequel if you follow the description link~.