oh my posting after few months (?

WELL FINALLY ABLE TO TELL WHATEVER HAPPENED TO ME SO PREPARE THE NAPKINS

Let's see
I've been away coz I decided randomly to isolate myself since I had to tell (finally) my mother and brother to never contact me again (aka they abused me for years in many ways, some people know others don't, so short story is that they gave me a terrible Complex/Chronic PTSD which I'm of course in permanent psychiatric help).

This caused a heavy triggering (after traveling countries and stuff) which gave me a heavy depression enough for me to try to convince my new doc to the idea of the psych ward but refused, I had thoughts with the word S and thought in ideas to just disappear :') and started to have heavy flashbacks/memories again all day enough to get obsessed and cry and stuff, slept for more than 12 hours daily, wasn't able to focus in important things, didn't bath for weeks and simply spend time in bed all day.

My doctor and I discussed about taking off Seroquel (Quetiapine) medication which I started in 2018 and after years of being in 400 mgs which is kinda a high dose I had to get rid of it in these last 3 weeks and I've been without it these last few days, AND I totally forgot that withdrawal symptoms exist and now I can't sleep and other things.

Good thing now I take Lexapro (Escitalopram) and these last few weeks I've been able to be functional :D
Now I cook almost everyday, I clean around and wash dishes, I'm more aware of my health (which now I'll do my best to lose weight coz now I'm 220 lbs after taking quetiapine for so long :'D I'm still in 5 medications per day to keep my mental health decent but now I can see a lot of progress in this month that I've changed medication.

I'm kinda dizzy and with nausea lately, but outside that I'm more stable, sometimes I get my thoughts but now I'm like not THAT obsessive as before which is a really good thing, my mood changed and I really feel I'm doing better than these last months c:

I want to thank everyone who's been patient with me after just me trying to protect myself, I didn't want to tell anyone what was actually happening since I'm ashamed of having to say things that not only remind me of my past, I'm ashamed since it influences a lot in my workflow and the last thing I want is to disappoint people, which is the thing I am scared the most along with abandonment issues, and of course making people mad or angry at me.

I've been on treatment for my thing for years, and I'll be my whole life which I know, I hope the best for me and everyone around me, and of course all of you who support me after all!
I'll try my best to get back to work soon so I can give you all what you deserve and do my best to at least bring better things for you who have waited for too long!

Thankyou guys ;_;
Even if I don't talk back sometimes or often (since i'm scared asdcuinhasdf and yes is something i need to fix), I love you all, I just don't want to hurt anyone and of course, cause pity on my cause :'T

Cya soon c:
Also made a new twitter
I want a fresh start in that one

My name gonna stay the same in other websites, just I want to have that one to be idk, more based.

https://twitter.com/FruLaffy

I sincerely hate writing these things as I said above but, now I've got courage to tell :D
Idk why but every 3 years SOMEHOW I end up getting these breakdowns caused by heavy triggers asdcuilkbjnasdf

-kisses everyone-

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