Now a quick disclaimer before you guys laugh your asses off because of my drawings: my drawing skills never evolved since I was like, 5 years old, and I also never took classes. By no means I'm posting these drawings hoping to show my art! They're just here to help illustrate the profile and give it more life! I hope no one has to bleach their eyes after looking at them, tho...


This profile is about the saalanks, of which one member named Dxjaa is featured here: https://aryion.com/g4/view/802457


First, let's do an overview of the species known as saalanks: they are one of the several species that started to live on Earth in the year (?), and they are a sapient species, although not very smart. They are pacifists, slackers and friendly in general, and very air-headed. Can be a bit shy, but once they've got to know you better, they can be the best of friends!

There are only "male" saalanks, and they reproduce with spores after a certain age. Producing said spores spends a lot of fat from their bodies, and they produce only one at a time. Because of this, these aliens have a tremendous appetite that is almost bottomless (human scientists still don't know the limit of how much they can fit inside their stomachs). Luckily for planet Earth, they have self control and always stop eating after their actual needs have been fulfilled. It takes some really specific accidents to make a saalank it more than it needs to.

Saalanks don't feel sexual atraction, but some discovered the feeling of love on Earth, for there are certain women who have developed a "saalank fetish" and convince saalanks to start dating them. They will make their alien boyfriends finger them with their long, extending digits. 99% of these relationships end with the female humans asking the saalank to eat them, which he gadly does after she signs some papers from the government giving him permission to do so. He digests his lover with a mix of satisfaction and sadness, but once he excretes his partner, the air-headed alien forgets her forever.

Saalanks are very sturdy when it comes to health, never really getting sick. Nevertheless, most of them suffer from periodical headaches that cause pain beyond human understanding. They start weak but if they are not treated fast, they can grow to unbearable heights and cause brain damage to the poor alien. They are easily cured though: a single mango will make the pain go away, for it is very similar to some vegetables from the original homeplanet of this race.



A - Represents the saalank's body: they are tall (usually standing between 2 meters and 3,5). They are chubby, hairless, neckless and built in sort of a compact way. They have three large eyes with eyesight slightly superior to human's, greenish skin and boneless arms, hands and tentacle-like fingers. Said hands are big in size, and the fingers (each hand has six) are long, thin and very strong. The can stretch greatly, being able to reach some three, perhaps four meters. Saalanks have four thick legs organized in a single horizontal line. Said legs have small fingers and are able to walk faster than one would think they were able to.


B - Shows a saalank's big mouth, and their several human-like teeth. Their teeth are not used when they eat, for a saalank does not chew its prey. Some scientists from Earth believe their teeth are only there to show emotions, while others defend that the saalanks used them back on their planet to break the powerful shell of some tasty and nutritive vegetable. Regardless, seeing a saalank's smile can be very funny if you are his friend, but not so much if you are on his menu...


C - Shows a saalank consuming its favorite meal: a human female. Now, on Earth there's some bureaucracy behind eating people. The alien needs written permission from the government, their prey, a human doctor, some human in a possition of power, etc. Some aliens eat humans against the law and most of those escape justice, but a saalank would NEVER eat a person under the wrong circunstances. Not because of sympathy for their prey, if a saalank gets the green light to feast it dosn't care if the prey is willing or unwilling. But saalanks have great respect for the rules and laws created by humans.


D - Shows what happens to said meal after digestion. Saalanks are said to have "guts of steel" able to easily break down their meals, and also produce a lot of gas during digestion. This foul gas they expel loudly, shamelessly, with a lot of satisfaction and without a shadow of respect. The alien from this picture crassly belched his prey's massive bra after it rose from his stomach in a pocket of sour air. The owner of the lingerie, probably a sexy pregnant lady reduced to a meaty soup by the saalank, has no further use for it where she's going.


E - Shows a saalank's oficial diet on Earth: lots of vegetables, fruits and an entire living cow per week! They can buy the farm animals on alien-friendly markets, which form the majority of Earth's markets. Some cows come with cowbells around their necks due to mistakes from the people who provide them, but saalanks simply burp up the cowbells after eating and keep them as souvenirs, for they enjoy the sound the objects make.


F - Show's a saalank's favorite delicacy: pregnant human females. With the fertility rate as high as ever, 1/3 (in some places 1/2, and in a few cases 100%) of women one will see at the street will be pregnant. A few (or several) preggos being eaten won't be a danger to the human race, for mankind reproduces faster than the aliens can deplete their women. Preggos are also a very healthy food option for a saalank, for they can provide him with a lot of fat and hormones that give him plenty of energy and good humour. Some articles of clothing can resist the acids of the stomach and get stuck on the saalank's intestines, but they eventually do come out, even if it takes a fart or some new bowel movement to free them. Fun fact: Pregnant humans give more gas to a saalank than a cow!



Conclusion - Saalanks are one of Earth's less dangerous denizens, but do avoid them if you're a pregnant woman, for maybe they'll have a doctor's prescription. You don't want to end up becoming a saalank's dinner, because no matter how sexy and pretty you are, their bowels won't go easy on you...

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