Posted by Goldendevil21 2 years ago Report

Once again, thank you so much for continuing this series. This is still probably my favorite Naruto vore series of all time.

Did notice a few grammar errors throughout the story. For example, some of the names were not capitalized.

First off, thank you for continuing to add detail to the story. Reading about the ‘gentle and calming voice’ in the third paragraph do describe the tone of voice instructing Hinata. Though not sure who is Tamano. I thought Kuruma in her disguised human form would be the one to help instruct Hinata to better use her predator powers since she has the most experience of them all. If they are the same, would have liked a bit more clarity in the story.

Just loved Kiba’s character in this chapter. He was the one who fell to Hinata’s pheromones and jutsu the most. He is an Inuzuka, a clan that specializes in dogs which have incredibly sensitive smell. Making them prime targets to pheromones. Second, this really shows just how trusting he is towards Hinata where if she gives him an order, he obeys it without question. And later when they are eating as a team, we see his more direct side come out. Not mincing words and asking if Naruto is okay having such a dangerous mate. There is no judgement or hate. Just curiosity. This makes him poor at understand social cues and I love it. And also loved his line of comparing himself to a canine, Shino is a walking incect hive, and Kurenai-snesi writes smut. Showing that he is not stupid at observing his friends, just stupid at not keeping some things to himself.

Though if I had to gripe at the beginning, would have liked to see Kurenai sensei resist the pull more than her students. Not only is she an expert gen-jutsu but she is also a Jonin. Showing that she could resist the pull from Hinata because of her training and how Kurenai sensei (at this stage of the story) is not in love with Hinata the same way the girl is with Anko so can resist the emotional angle.

Felt like Choji should have been given an even smaller role. There is no need to tell us the chubby ninja had a crush on Hinata or his dating life. A simple sad smile would have been enough to keep it vague for the audience that he is happy for Naruto and Hinata but sad to see his chances are over for her.

Though one thing that really annoys me is the way the exposition on how the magic system works. Now, this is partially the original story’s fault for making and breaking so many of its own rules. Though this story is making it harder and harder to understand the limits and constraints of how Chakra works in conjunction with Vore. For example, when Naruto enters the village and is ‘attacked’ by Hinata, how does he recognize he is about to be attacked? Do his eyes point out a purple blur approaching at high speed? Did his chakra mix with Hinata and they can sense each other? If he does recognize her, why does he think he is in danger and put in a defensive position? These questions are not answered in a good way in the story and can make Naruto come off as omnipresent.

Though did love Neji reacted to the situation of Hinata on top of Naruto. Showing that even though their cousins, the inferior branch still cares for the princess. Even liked how he chased down Naruto but gave him the slip with his OP shadow clones.

Also enjoyed Naruto’s reaction to team Kurenei growing up and not just Hinata. Kiba and Ackamaru were both bigger and stronger.

Though did not understand Kurenei’s disapproving stare at Naruto for Hinata. At what point did Naruto not prove himself strong? I am being serious, when has he never been a bad match with his boisterous personality to help pry Hinata out of her shell? Even said at the end, “I approve.” Talking about Naruto and Hinata. This conflict feels fake.

Loved the part Hinata kicked Kiba beneath the table. Yeah, Kiba does not have a filter but just love seeing the friendship between Kiba and Hinata. Have more moments of this.

Greatly enjoyed the talk between Hinata and Naruto about what kind of relationship they are going to have. For now, they were going on instinct. Just fucking each other for the pleasure but Hinata wants more. She wants to communicate with Naruto. To share in his thoughts and feelings and not just default back to watching him from a distance then occasionally being a fuck buddy.

Did not like the line, "There are jerks out there who would judge someone before getting to know them." Not so much for the truth of the statement but just hated seeing Naruto gain more and more abilities that his teammates will NEVER match and are supposed to feel sorry for him.

Loved the quick blowjob from Hinata. She has to be quick as they are both in public and have busy days. Yet even being quick, was so sexy to read Hinata gulp down two gallons of cum in a single blowjob. The line of, “10 days too long since I had one like it,” Was also great to provide some exposition on how long Hinata waited without a good fill.

And greatly liked Hinata giving Naruto the puppy eyes to know what is going on. First, great job referencing Jirayah’s teaching about the best thing to do to a woman who wants answers is not look them in the eyes and run like hell. Though Naruto failed both and spilled the beans. Second, shows that Hinata is serious about wanting their relationship to be more than just fuck buddies. And Hinata planned her ambush well by trapping his body between her breasts and used her hands to force him to look her straight in the eye.

Great job explaining Ino Yamanaka’s change from child to teenager. Her wide hips, decent sized breasts, and outgoing outfit did make her quite memorable.

Did find the relationship between Hinata and Anko to be rather forced. While the chapter (and this review) are already quite long, would have liked a better explanation for how the two are so close to be sharing a room when Hinata moved out of the Hyugga compound. I see the attempt to provide a reason why Hinata became a disposal ninja but just felt out of place. Though absoletely loved Anko’s teasing of Naruto. Feels exactly like her personality from the show where she is not afraid to get up close and personal, and even scare some students as well. Just with the added sexy twist of a digesting fully belly.

This was small but greatly enjoyed Anko moving up the execution of one of the prisoners to make room in her schedule for a mission. First, feels like even with Anko being a predator, there are limits to how much you can eat. Second, great way to show off Hinata’s new jutsu. Third, feels like we see Anko’s characterization. Willing to bend the rules to get what she wants but still fully loyal to the leaf. Shown when she clearly and decisively laid out the crimes of Koukawa Oboro. Making it feel like a professional execution but still having that sexy undertone.

On to the vore of Oboro itself, fantastic job. Just loved how Oboro willingly fed herself to the beautiful kounishi. How her shirt and pants tasted terrible to Hinata so decided to speed up the chest devourment. How Hinata took off her panties to get access to her ‘honey pot.’ Though my criticism was this was not a genjutus. Would have been so cool if Hinata’s magenta eyes were a combination of pheromones her body release that aroused the target and a genjutsu that got the prey to willingly feed herself to this amazing goddess with such big tits that promised your body to be added to them. With just the pheromones, this makes the mind control feel lackluster. Though did LOVE how even from a distance, Anko was not immune to the jutsu as she wanted to feed the girl more.

Did not like the reveal of Tamano saying, “You wouldn't be plotting something against my hosts would you." First because their it not a question mark at the end. Second, makes this chamber they are in have no security. Not a good look for a prison.

Though on to the threesome at the end, I have no complaints. This is exactly why I enjoy your story with Naruto offering up a blood clone to Anko. Naruto having dreams of his clones final moments before permanently joining said predator. Hinata feeling left out from Naruto and Anko fucking each other. Even the mention of Iruka-sensei was nice to show that Anko was not alone after her curse mark.

As for your thoughts on longer chapters, to me, I don’t care. If the chapter flows better longer or shorter, do what feels best.

This next part is suggestions. First, would love for Hinata to eat Sai. Looking back at the original story, he did something very dangerous of attacking a fellow ninja in broad daylight and not announcing who he was. This is dangerous as your allies could interpret this attack as a lethal battle. Not holding back like in a spar. And with Naruto and friends outnumbering Sai, their was a real possibility he could have died. Second, NO ONE gets to threaten her boyfriend but me and my harem sisters. Or at least, I am assuming what Hinata is thinking.

Another suggestion would love to see is Anko be able to turn into a Naga. Finally able to get in tune with nature chakra and take it into her body, partially transforming her into a snake. This doesn’t feel to far fetched as when Naruto learned nature chakra, their was a danger of turning into a frog.

Posted by Kingpen 2 years ago Report

ok there is a lot to reply to here but here we go.

Tamamo is Kurama aka the kyubi, she prefers using Tamamo over her actual name due to the fact that she finds the name her father gave her too precious for just any random human to use. at the same time it allows her to hide better in human form.

next the restaurant scene was fun to write as it got to play out some things from other fics I've read. though I'm surprised you didn't mention the Shino in drag bit.

as for kurenai, with her being a genjutsu specialist and being a close friend to Anko, she had a much better time resisting hinata as seen in the story. but even with that the sensei is not immune to the pull, as like tamamo mentioned there are some in this world who can pull any into their trap.

on to choji, i wrote a little backstory for him to set up for him later, as Hinata knowing about his crush on her would want for her friend to find a bit of happiness. but on top of that it was his clan that also helped her learn how to control herself at the beginning of her pred life. so later you will see her trying to pay them back for the lessons they gave her on yang release.

which leads me to the so call magic system. for the most part it's not really based on chakra. or at least at first, I didn't base it off of chakra. but if you want to be technical the voring abilities and pheromone control can be said to come from yin, yang and yin-yang releases. yin being the pheromone control, while yang is the eating abilities transforming pred bodies. as for yin-yang that has yet to be seen, but it's out there. later on, it will be explained but most of the different pred species have their way of hunting eating and controlling their prey. and that will show the limits of what all preds can and can't do.

as for Hinata's 'attack' on Naruto, he knows he is about to be attacked due to him being a pred trap. as unlike normal prey those like him have an early warning to danger when it comes to preds. it's just that he has had no training when it came using his sensing ability so to him it just felt like his ninja instincts were telling him to be on the lookout. all at the same time Tamamo had been teaching Hinata how to hide herself as a pred. something that even experience jounin would have a hard time detecting as it quite literally one of the reasons preds can only be found by other preds or pred traps.

back to Kurenai's disapproval its based more on the fact that she sees herself as a mother figure to Hinata, and at times finds Naruto as being a bit too over the top with his boisterous antics. but at the same time, it had been three years since she had seen him, and she wanted to be sure that he was still someone she found worthy of Hinata. and not just taking advantage of her student/daughter. the scene was supposed to be more like a 'meet the parents' type deal.

as for the the 'judge without knowing them' line that's based on the fact that his childhood was so crappy because people judged him for holding the kyubi without ever getting to know him. or at least that's one of reasons.

next the relationship of hinata and Anko i did based off of the fact that the two of them were the only two preds in the village. and they put them together due to them thinking that they would be safe from each other. but this will be fleshed out in later chapters.

and finally, the Tamamo popping up bit, is from the fact that she can make herself appear out of any of her containers. i.e Hinata, Tsunade, Naruto. with her gaining much more range to appear and move away from someone who contains more of her inside of them. as such she can just show up any time one of the family members are around. something she takes advantage of habitually.


hopefully i answered a great deal of your questions, let me know if you have any more questions.