Posted by TheMysteriousSadSack 2 years ago Report

I was hoping theyed do more together, but I guess thats just how things are. Bitter sweet end, but good to read.

Posted by NRawk 2 years ago Report

Yeah, I toyed with the idea of Kali surviving, but the setup didn't allow for it. Still happy you enjoyed it and thanks for support!

Posted by TheMysteriousSadSack 2 years ago Report

kinda figured the end from p2 implied that the swell was just from Kali being in there, not Kali herself. Or that Jordan would hold back to cash in on that month long servitude she earned. Idk, like I said, was hoping theyed do more.

Posted by NRawk 2 years ago Report

I do have more planned with Jordan, like detailing her dark past and more interactions with other Doublers and Halflings in the future. This little series was just to show the Jordan is, as the title suggests, 'stronger' than even most Dubs. Though, if you liked Kali more than Jordan, I can understand why you'd want more from her.

Posted by TheMysteriousSadSack 2 years ago Report

Admittedly I did like her more. Just the good ol' underdog story of someone pushing through the systems that heavily disfavor her, making a name for herself, and getting to befriend someone that was a part of that system was something I was looking forward to. She was also more likeable than Jordan (personally.) Even if she didnt make it to that end, it would have been nice to see them spend some more time together. I guess it just felt like she was being built to be more than how she ended up. Plus the title led me to believe that Kali was the one made of sterner stuff, but I guess not. Suppose its in line with how this world works, but man its a bummer the more I dwell on it. Maybe im just digging too deep into it.

Posted by NRawk 2 years ago Report

Yeah, I get that. I started this story with the intention of Kali's character not making it, but I didn't want to make her a faceless, nothing character and wanted to think of how she'd grow up to have the outlook on life she did despite the society she grew up in being so biased against her.
I'll admit that, by the time I was done, I didn't want to do it to her anymore. But then I remembered the writing advice "kill your darlings", so I followed through with it.
Still, Kali's influence on the story isn't done just yet, so hopefully you'll continue to given this series a shot when I get to write more for it.

Posted by Done25 2 years ago Report

Oh, it's a story with a fatal ending? :X

"Kill your darlings" might be good advice for developing gravity and drama in normal story telling, but perhaps less so in smut fiction.

Especially when the reader might self insert as the one being killed off.

Posted by NRawk 2 years ago Report

For most other smut, I'd agree, but for vore stories, it not too uncommon for it to be a one-way trip for the one being eaten.

Posted by Done25 2 years ago Report

Quite a few people do enjoy fatal vore, but the ratings so far seem kind of...low.

Posted by NRawk 2 years ago Report

This I cannot argue, though without anyone leaving any reviews I can't be sure about what they didn't enjoy...
I will keep this in mind though as I continue to write new stories.

Posted by Pseudousia 2 years ago Report

Simple comment, advertise that it's going to be fatal for the prey from the start, so no one gets attached to her.

In depth opinion:
I *was* going to buy this, but I held off for this exact reason.

The tags suggested a bit of good fun with size difference, but the fact that you built a character up just to kill them actually makes the story WORSE in my eyes. In smut, and ESPECIALLY in vore, and even MORE especially if you're making people pay for it:
"but I didn't want to make her a faceless, nothing character"
This mentality will lose you more people than it will gain. You built her up to be the underdog, which has people hoping for a good end, and then they buy this comic, and have that ripped away from them, leaving them with a sour taste in their mouth, and never wanting to buy ANYTHING from you again.

Posted by NRawk 2 years ago Report

For the simple comment: Fair, point taken. I wanted to avoid spoilers and this was my first published story like this, so I'm still figuring out how much information isn't too much to give away. I'll keep this in mind going forward.

For the in depth opinion: I cannot predict how other people will interpret the stories and characters I write. Each person will engage with a story in their own way, and while my interpretation of that characters is no more valid than anyone else's, it is the one I used to write this story, and I didn't 'build her (Kali) up' as an underdog so much as a someone confrontational and a bit reckless. Yes, in this setting, her small size has others underestimate her, but she was an Olympic-level athlete at the top of her field. Not exactly what I'd call an underdog. And, again from my perspective, the personality I gave her was the bare essential needed to engage with the true main character, Jordan, who is a socially anxious girl not comfortable talking to strangers. So the only things people should know about Kali, or at least all I intended to convey about her, was that she knew Jordan when they were in high school and she was a competitive athlete. I did go in depth about her past, family, any other friends or people in her life, I just made her a somewhat believable person living in the setting I designed. But I made no illusion to what can so easily happen to this settings designated prey race, halflings, if they aren't careful. But again, the backlash and poor reviews for this series are something I'll need to learn from, to be more transparent about the fate of some of my characters.
However, I will just say that no matter which route I take, I will never please everyone, nor is that my goal. If I kept the vore non-fatal in this, then people who prefer fatal vore wouldn't buy it instead. Properly managing peoples expectations is the more important lesson here, not "don't kill off character X because people got attached to them".

I accept and appreciate the parts of your criticism that pertains to what you've experienced of this story. Thank you for the comments, and I hope to do better in the future.