Posted by Goldendevil21 2 years ago Report

Thanks for the story. Here are my thoughts.

First, the grammar is good. Had no trouble knowing what the characters were saying and in what tone they said it. For example, when the story says, '“Well,” Trace paused, “Um… I was thinking that you could… '. A great way to show that Tracer wants to have sex but is too shy to directly admit it. These little moments really enrich the story.

Another good one was 'Ahsoka gave her squirming gut a firm smack.' Just love the classics of a predator smacking her prey filled belly.


Though I do have a few suggestions. First, after eating Tracer and after Ahsoka masterbates her meal away, describe her body change. One of the best parts of vore is seeing how the digested prey affects their predator. The same with her second meal of Rafa. Have Ahsoka's body change from this. Not just grow a bigger belly that casually shrinks. Do they grow bigger breasts? Do they get more 'junk in the trunk?' Does the fat transfer across their body? This added body change can really enrich the story.