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Venassa and her band attend a celebratory dinner with the owner of the record label. It took years of gigs, online LP sales, and self-promotion, but they've made it. Made it to what, exactly…?
2,200 words.
Like the kids in art school said they would…
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Posted by Mourtzouphlos 2 years ago Report
So I'm pretty sure I'm not missing something, but when I got to the part where she calls him a criminal and a murderer, he seems genuinely offended, like it's not technically accurate, and following the contract talk I expected it to go to a 'should have read the fine print' moment, but it doesn't, and I don't see any other support for the idea that it isn't illegal. Is it just supposed to be part of his self-centeredness? (i.e. 'I can kill you but you can't call me something that makes me feel bad, because I matter and you don't')
Posted by ObsidianSnake 2 years ago Report
That element is ambiguous when it's isolated. However, he states his intentions and history with this process fairly clearly. Non-rhetorical question: Would it have been interesting if the story explored that more?
Posted by Mourtzouphlos 2 years ago Report
On the one hand, I do find that sort of logistics/worldbuilding thing very interesting (Why doesn't anybody notice that everyone the company signs immediately disappears? If they do, why doesn't anybody look into it, and why do they still sign what's basically a death warrant?). On the other, you really couldn't write that properly without drastically changing the structure of the story; the band doesn't come into the picture until basically the endpoint of the process, so there's no way to explore the bulk of how it came to be with them (after all, if they knew it would end with them being eaten, they wouldn't do it). You could do something following Kilawa and seeing how he actively manages the company and signing new musicians before eating them, but that would be very different in tone and structure (and saying 'the story's good, but it would be better if it were completely different', sounds very back-handed). The only way I see you could do that would be for him to expound it more to her at the end, but I'm not sure you could do that without interrupting the flow with an obvious infodump (after all, he does see her as only a meal, so why would he explain it to her?). What's already there is already on the long side of what's believable for him to explain, and that's mostly what's necessary for the audience to understand what's going on, so I don't really see how you could successfully add more.
TLDR: In theory yes, in practice, I don't think so.