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I mean, they're meaty, vertically challenged, and horizontally gifted. Sounds like a burger to me.
A group goes on a mission trip for their church, but on arrival they find themselves playing a game that's going to end with one of them quite full...
Sure, my habit of making the pred the thumbnail combined with the title COULD be seen as a massive spoiler, but... uh... sorry?
As promised, the biggest and best of my backlogged stories, about 7000 words. This one brings in something that's a big part of a lot of my writing... rolling dice. Yeah, I actually am rolling the dice on this, the characters are as clueless as I am as to who's gonna end up on top. (and bottom) Honestly, though, given some of the things I've written, thirty-some rolls was pretty mild. Wait til I dig out that naga story, I've got it all in one doc so I can say with confidence that it's thirty one thousand words long (for now) and I have no idea how many dice I've rolled there.
Back to this piece, I'm working on part two slowly, but my problem with many-character stories is that I have to reboot my brain to each one's personality to write their lines and actions. On the plus side, the nature of my writing at least means the more I power through, the less characters I'm gonna have to recall... ;)
As much as I love the massive dopamine boost I've been getting from having people reading and reacting to my writing, I've gotta start pacing myself or I'm gonna run out of new stuff. Finished a story this morning I've been working on for a while, plus the last story I had backlogged doesn't look quite as bad as I remembered it... I mean, it's not great, but it'll be here sooner or later. In the meantime, I'm gonna actually get some sleep instead of staring at my laptop and watching numbers go up until two in the morning. Be back with another piece in a few days!
So many tags... I hope I found enough of the right ones...
Oh right, cover's from freepik.com's AI generator. Like it better than the other one, buuuut you've got a daily limit to images (10 batches of 4) so I'll probably keep looking around
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Posted by ReptileKing23 1 year ago Report
Not bad, keep it up!
Posted by PaperWriter 1 year ago Report
Thanks! I do plan to continue this one, I just got stuck on day two trying to figure out how to get them playing again... first day was fairly easy, and after the second day even a fatal vore game can become part of the routine... but it's that second day that takes some creativity, apparently.
Posted by Remnant5000 1 year ago Report
This is soooo good!!
Posted by PaperWriter 1 year ago Report
Thanks! It was easily one of my top 3 favorite stories to write, so I'm glad you enjoyed it!
Posted by Randomdude5 1 year ago Report
I enjoyed this story much more than I thought I would. I will try to explain why I enjoyed it so much, but I will also mention what I didn't like.
I enjoy how casual vore is in your setting. When Ludmilla breaks up the argument between Sammy, and Amanda, she isn't horrified, but turns it into a group game. I also like how people are aroused by the thought of being eaten, and vore isn't so casual, that it is meaningless.
Deciding which characters get eaten by actually rolling dice IRL is interesting, but it leaves what will happen in the story up to chance. If Dale had rolled to be eaten, I wouldn't have read the story, since I only like female prey.
I like how Dale is embarrassed to think about eating Sammy, and hasn't eaten anyone yet. A first time teen predator eating his first girl, is one of my favorite scenarios. I enjoy how looking at Sammy's body, and tasting her helped him think of her as food.
I also enjoyed how aroused Sammy is about being eaten. It is nice when the prey can enjoy her time inside a stomach. I liked how Dale's stomach was taking its time digesting Sammy, partly because slow digestion is a preference of mine, and it makes sense that a first time pred wouldn't be experienced at digesting someone. Another reason that slow digestion makes sense, is that large meals would take longer, to break down because of the square-cube law, and a stomach might have trouble producing enough acid. Skin would provide limited protection for a time, because of the keratin in it.
The disposal scene was nice too. I sometimes like it when the scat can show an observer details about the prey before they were digested. I am surprised that there wasn't hair in the scat, because it is usually really hard to digest. Using Sammy as fertilizer was clever too.
Now for my complaints, because I like to complain. I don't really like anthro characters, but I was able to ignore that in this story for the most part. I prefer human characters, or something close like elves, if set in fantasy. Also the near instant digestion of Sammy when Dale and Meredith had sex broke my suspension of disbelief. It felt anticlimactic to me, even tho it is literally climactic in a sense. I guess that I dislike it, because I like slow digestion, and it was put in their because you like it.
Anyways, to sum this up, Good job! You are a great writer, and I hope to read more of your stories. I am hoping for a sequel, where Dale eats Meredith.
Posted by PaperWriter 1 year ago Report
Glad you liked the casualness! I feel like the super-casual vore some creators do only properly works in a setting where reformation or something similar exists, but I like vore to feel a little more final, so it's not for me. I try to aim for it to be about as casual as sex, where people will talk about it and think about it openly but it's not something you're going to suddenly do right in the middle of the street with a stranger.
I tried to write all the characters into people who could eat or be eaten, and honestly Dale was one of my favorites as a potential predator, so I'm glad the dice went his way. "Virgin" preds are fun to write :)
On the digestion note, I like my characters! I made them, so it's not like I want them to suffer too much unless it's quick. Plus, I feel like that tingling, not-quite-burning feeling would trigger the M side of a LOT of people, as long as, you know, they could forget what comes after.
I do tend to aim for a slower digestion, but a big part of the basis for this story was the plan for well, seven people to win or lose over the course of their seven day trip. As nice as it'd be to let him gurgle and glorp her down through the night and day, I may or may not need his belly nice and empty for the next day of the trip, so I needed to speed things up a little or he'd have to be left out of round two. SO... dice again! Depending on the girl/woman that came out, it would've varied anywhere between just giving him some pills to, well, Maradith, who was probably the most enthusiastic in her helping.
Glad you liked the disposal! I probably forgot to think of hair, at the time, so my bad. I like to think practically about it, like, if people are regularly turned into people sized piles of waste, there'll always be people with a use for that much nutrient slop!
As for the dislikes... I started writing anthro characters kind of as an escapism thing, making my stories a little farther from realistic, but also just because it gets a little boring writing only humans, which was basically all I did when I started writing at, like, puberty? I've been writing so long I'm well old enough to have an account now, so I've started branching out over the years. Different races let me have racial differences in predatory ability, especially larger races like centaurs or trolls, along with a variety of different sensations to write in vore scenes, or even sex scenes in some cases. A serpentine or frog race could probably do some fun things with their tongue, for example. But... I know anthros and the like aren't for everyone, so I'm a little sorry it puts you off my work. I do like writing elves on occasion, though in my worlds they tend to be the closest thing to a non-vore race, with super tight bellies and long, uncomfortable digestion for pred and prey.
The sex scene... I try to write by making my characters in my head, and letting them do what it feels like they'd do. Maradith was the one that I rolled to wake up when Dale went outside, and the sex scene seemed a logical progression of her being somewhat sexually... repressed, I think is the best word? I tried to paint her as kind of horny but inexperienced, and like they mention, most of the people feel the game will happen again, and there's a real chance her or the boy she's attracted to will be the low roller next time. So she decided to literally/metaphorically jump on the opportunity, with the added bonus of being rather tired at the very end of a long day and maybe not as restrained as she might usually be. My bad if it felt unnatural to you.
Thanks for the detailed critique! Long comments tell me someone cares about my work, and knowing people care makes it that much more fun to write more!
Posted by Randomdude5 1 year ago Report
Hmmm. I will try to clear a few things up and add some things to what I said earlier.
I see what you mean about the digestion. You don't want your characters to suffer, so they die before the hard/graphic digestion starts, or skip it. I see, Dale needed to digest Sammy fast enough to have a chance at eating another person next time they roll the dice. As I said, before slow digestion is my preference, but if they are going to roll the dice the next day, his stomach would need to be empty. I guess slow digestion would work better in another story. To add in something random; sometimes I like the idea of a "virgin pred" having indigestion from their first meal. Sometimes it is fun when the pred has trouble keeping their prey down.
One more thing about hair disposal. To my knowledge, snakes can digest a prey's bones, but can't digest a prey's hair. Maybe next time you can add in hair disposal, if the prey has enough hair.
Now to talk about Anthros. First I will explain how my vore preferences work. I sexualize the prey, so I want the prey to be a hot woman. Demi-humans with animal ears and a tail work for me, but not anthros with fur or an animal face. Sometimes the pred doesn't matter, so that is why I sometimes like ?/f. In a setting with both humans, and anthros, I prefer it when anthros are preds. In fantasy settings, hot elves work well as prey, but a female dwarf wouldn't for me. I see how anthro characters can be escapism, but sometimes I like a setting with modern tech, and only humans to make it feel "closer" I guess. I agree that different races, can have different predatory abilities, so it allows you, the writer to express more about a character just by what they are. Anyways, my preferences are complicated, and you shouldn't have to worry about trying to please me or everyone.
The sex scene between Dale, and Meredith wasn't the problem for my suspension of disbelief. It worked, and it made sense that Meredith would be horny for Dale, since she was hoping that he would get to eat her. You did a good job of painting her as horny but inexperienced. What felt unnatural was how much it sped up the digestion of Sammy. Obviously the motions of Dale and Meredith having sex, would increase the physical digestion, but having Sammy go from probably mildly reddened skin to mushy from Dale and Meredith having sex, felt like the trope went too far. Realistically it should be hard to crunch up a prey inside a stomach unless the bones are already being digested, and the prey should be long dead if digestive juices got to their bones. However realism should take a back seat to horny, and be ignored if it tells us our favorite kinks are unrealistic.
Basically it is my personal opinion, and therefore subjective, that sex speeding up digestion is an overused trope. Sometimes the use of that trope "feels" lazy.
One more point. Sometimes her name is spelled Meredith, and sometimes it is spelled Maradith.
I hope this wasn't too critical. I was going into details about what I liked, but I hope that wasn't too selfish. Maybe RNG will smile upon me, and Meredith will get a one way trip into Dale's stomach.
Posted by PaperWriter 1 year ago Report
You're nowhere near what I'd consider "too critical". If anything, I'm stoked to actually get to discuss my work with someone, and get an honest critique from someone else's POV. I don't have an editor or anything, so details are gonna slip past me.
The spelling thing... *sigh* I blame Google. They insist it's spelled with e's, I wanted to do it with a's, and I definitely had some trouble there. I forgot to pay attention to that when I checked it over at the end.
I... hadn't thought too close on the digestion during sex thing, so I'm glad you pointed that out. Most of where I've seen that style of scene was in heromc's FightFuckFeed.me which I was playing at the time, and that game has super fast digestion, so I definitely overdid it now that I look back. Honestly, probably gonna edit that now that it's been pointed out... especially given that him having a slow digestion was previously pointed out in the story. Hm...
Last note, with the anthros. I tend not to do too much description in my writing, partially just because I have a poor memory/imagination for people's appearances. I was hoping the vague descriptions would let people imagine what they wanted to a little more, but it's hard to do that when I get more descriptive of someone cause they're in the middle of the action so... darn.
Come to think of it... I've got a regular human F/F piece I was planning to put up soon, cause I just finished it the other day. There's a somewhat rougher digestion during masturbation scene so I dunno how it'll fit your tastes, but would you be interested in taking a look at it before I post it? I'd be thankful for a critique, in case I missed something.
Posted by PaperWriter 1 year ago Report
So, I tried to rewrite and slow down the digestion a bit, ending the night more softened up and less completely mushed. Let me know what you think!
Also, Meredith is no more. Long live Maradith.
Posted by Randomdude5 1 year ago Report
I actually didn't notice that much of a difference. IDK, maybe I missed something. Don't stress about it.
Nice jobs fixing the name.
One more thing. I really liked the detail where "Lusanne gave the new pred tips on getting some air into his stomach to keep his meal squirming."
Posted by PaperWriter 1 year ago Report
I mean, I didn't change too much, basically just the parts between sex and bed where how solid Sammy is comes up. Sammy still dies while they're having sex. I just tried to make it sound like she's still fairly firm and in the process of being broken down rather than being suddenly sloshed.
And I love mentor preds, though I mostly see them in art. Dunno that I've ever tried writing one before this. Getting some of those tips and tricks from a more experienced pred is a real boon for a rookie like Dale, and added bonus (to me) if RNG ends up with her giving tips from the inside of the situation...