Chapter 5:
12th grade was pretty uneventful, stable. Simona was in an apartment, yes, moved again, with me and Josef just outside of town and I actually really liked riding my 3 wheel bike around the neigborhoods there. Allthough I got this really dark feeling while riding my bike one day in 2011. It felt like death. A black eternal void. It was the scarest feeling I've ever felt but it quickly passed so I payed it no mind and continued riding my bike.
 
Then 2012 happened. At the end of 2011 I was introduced to My Little Pony Frtiendship is Magic by a cult member, Greg,
and it woke up my soul. Taught me courage, the beginnings of it at least. I was introduced to a world of art I had never been interested
in before. Tsitra360 especially is connected to the divine. But then at a Quiktrip I had a Red rooster slushie and it was quickly followed
up by an apendacidis attack. During that painful experience through all the medication, through allll the paain, I felt a light
underneath. I was curious about that light and saw my first syncronicity in my enviornment for the first time in my remembered (at the time) life. A scepter of death in relation to Cyroquil. So I got off that medication and started feeling all the anguish that had been supressed
from the death of my family, my parents. I didn't know where it was coming from, and simona and david were still gaslighting me, so I just
drew my pain. I was crying in bed and suddenly a switch just flipped in my mind, I started drawing and I rarely stopped. Simona then moved me out of the apartment I liked that we were staying at and into a duplex I hated, Knox. Once there I started becoming suicidal.
I kept drawing, a chained Fluttershy shakled to a wall. And discovered that I could use art that I drew to masturbate to as I had done
with vore sprite animations and videos of snakes eating animals in davids basement when I was in my mid teens. I kept trying to get good at art, I kept failing, no one would help me, I'd go outside at night on walks and sing, and ride my bike and sing, but
eventually through david and simonas narcissistic abuse, and joe being let in on my true origins and starting to give me the
cold shoulder, Imy singing voice broke because I pushed it too far. Cern happened and altered the God particle, and Lauren Faust was
kicked off of the development team for FIM and Twilights magic changed from white to magenta. I was then arrested in "my own" room for
crying in bed and not eating for two days and brought into a psychward. I told them to let me out and that I would fight for my
freedom but they wouldn't listen. I tried to grab one of their badges to leave myself and they moved in from all sides to tackle me down, I started to fight back but they grabbed my arms dragged me to the ground, pinned me, stabbed me in the ass, and carryed me to a slab
where they starpped me down with one arm over the other, intentional torture, however mild and so not worth complaining about so why
am I even, nevermind, moving on. It was then that I learned how powerless I really am, though really I don't know why I didn't remember
at that point what had happened to me as a baby. When I was eventually released I went back to drawing, relentlessly. As soon as I had drawn a Yoshi voring, someone. I had a moment of ecstatic bliss in my consciousness that felt like an orgasam in my mind, and gave temporary
complete mental clarity while drawing, but the moment quickly faded and I intuitively knew that drawing further would get me nowhere.
So I picked up a book I had been given by a woman I had met in the psychward, in hindsight all the people I had "met" by "chance" were probably just another stepping stone along the way to lead me to the slaughter like a lamb. In early 2013 I read Drawing on the right side of the brain after drawing some columns with some leaves on it like leading up to a garden, and during the excercise in chapter 6 I had an enlightenment experience. I saw a field in front of me and an open sky, and I was hovering just a few inches off the ground. But instead of flying up like I knew I could've, or rather, not I but my soul, my soul turned back to I and thought "but what about what I have to leave behind?" then everything was swallowed up by darkness and all my multiple personality fragments again. A failed enlightenment experience.