Chapter 6:
I was moved out of Knox and into an apartment that david had created for me nearby.
The energy of that place just felt wrong. Even more wrong than Knox, and I was starting to develop awareness enough at that
point that there was more going on than just aitheism and what I could percieve with just my senses, so I became interested
in a place called the school of metaphysics, they gave me weird meditation excercises that only made things worse, but I met
someone there who introduced me to a youtuber called Elliott Hulse and my educational journey of what went wrong, why I didn't become
enlightened, and why I was confused began. I exercised, took a singing class, met an artist who drew ponies like me, despite
the negative enviornment, I was still pushing towards my goals. Then my singing voice broke even more when I did an exercise suggested by
Elliott Hulse and when my singing teacher Jordan took a while off. I couldn't get back any of the progress I had made so I tried changing singing teachers only for the new one to turn me down and the original on e to reject me because I was looking for a new one. The pony
artist who was teaching me stopped being interested in being my teacher and I was becoming more and more isolated, I stopped going to the
school of metaphysics because the students there were dwindling until it was just me and the guy running the place. I felt scared for my life alone in that apartment and slept with a kitchen knife under my bed, the internet started showing me scary my little pony videos via
syncronicity and the youtube algorithm to get out of there, so I made my first forays into society. I sold my "grandpas" coins, 7000$, used the money to buy a van, a white 2001 Honda Oddessy. Yet, simona had driven me there and when I was driving the van back behind her car, she was starting and stopping at odd times making me have to modulate the brakes in a way that damged them in my vehicle, until the crash of 2015, even with new brake pads, my brakes never really did recover. In 2014 I moved out of that creepy apartment underground with the moon clock on the wall and the dead bird out front. Into a roommate situation in town for 3 months called The Columbia Reserve. I ended up throwing away all my videogames, my old sketchbooks (that's regretful because there was so much light emenating from them, but I thought I was Steven and worthless, and not Jesus, so) and focused on drawing with a digital tablet on a windows 7 laptop that simona and david had gotten for me respectively, for murderers they did know how to buy me nice stuff, narcissists are great gift givers after all. Anyways, simona had pursued me "visited" me at my new apartment and told me how trapped and stuck I am. I got concerned as the time for the 3 month lease was running out in the middle of 2014, and decided to pack up what I had left, and drive out of Columbia, MO. I was going to go either to Kentucky and the smokey mountains or California and when I got to the highway ramp I just randomly chose a direction, left, California it was. There was a place there called deer park that a spirtual advisor named Mila I had met back in late 2013 early 2014 suggested I go to anyways. Again, in hindsight, that meeting was probably arranged by this religous cult that decides whether I live or die, and when, too.
The journey to California from Missouri was probably the best time I've had in my life. I stopped and slept in the back of my van at towns.
When I got to Denver I met some woman at a spiritual workshop who said "I was being protected" sheparded is more like.. Some women were playing with cards saying I was more a spadeand they were more hearts, writing me off and being generally dismissive, I just left soon after anyways. I got to Boulder CO and there was a nice coffee shop there, I stayed, rode my bike which fit in the van I had brought with me for a day or 2, practiced art, and moved on. When in the mountains I almost crashed on the highway from veering into another lane looking at how gorgous they were. At some point I stopped at an exit ramp and drove up to a mountain park. There from all the exercises I had been doing from Elliott Hulse, I climbed a friggin mountain! I don't remember how but I was also able to carry my sketch book with me so when I got to the top, I drew all the scenery I could. The mountains the trees the flowers the grass, the snow on top of the peaks even though it was summer, that is my favorite moment in my life so far. I only wish I could remember it better. I got back into the highway, drove through some craggy rock areas, bought a wooden carved bear from a vendor just set up randomly at a rest stop. Drove through some desert and eventually got to Vegas. I gambled there for the first time in my life, blackjack, came out with 20 more dollars than I went in with. Continued driving to California and when I got there, drove straight to Deer Park.