Chapter 9:
Early 2016 rolled around and simona had a new pet "little guy". I didn't love him the way Iloved Nikki,
my childhood dog while growing up. A real source of love that dog. She was the only thing real in my entire childhood, maybe I said that earlier but I'll say it again, Nikki was awesome! But the synchronicites I experienced while logging onto the internet through my computer were getting wierder. I was shown Mark Twain, the claymation movie, the scene with the mysterious stranger, and songs that were not
what I had been listening to when I was in California and happier. simona kept on feigning being hobbled, convincingly enough for me to open up to her and say, "this is the light unbounded". I touched her and gave her 49% of it and she said she felt better after that and thanked
me. But then in the kitchen she behaved very shockingly a week or so later. She pulled out a kitchen knife and yelled "kill me!" while
holding the knife at me, handle in my direction. I was angry at her but that anger rosse to a point that was so high, I suddenly became calm. I took the knife from her and said "No." and put it back in it's wooden sheeth. She took it out again, repeated her action and statement one more time, and I gave the exact same response with the exact same inflection and put the knife back. BTW, the whole "light unbounded thing is just the energy I have that I got, which sort of awoke in me when I listened to Ismbofs "give me eyes to see" song back in 2012. Regardless, things were starting to get pout of hand at simonas apartment in mid 2016, I was getting syncronicities like the "two can keep a secret of one of them is dead" pmv, and simona was often interupting me so much while I was listening to music that I responded by yelling "stop raping me! get out of my soul!" It was around that point I discovered Scott Bassett and started researching narcissism and
narcissistic abuse, I had also started making plans to move to that town I saw in colorado when I looked it up on google maps
and saw that the walmart there was a 20 miniute walk away and I wouldn't even need a van.
I started playing Undertale between research into narcissism and planning to move without letting simona know where I was going.
josef would occasionally stop by, I felt bullied by him, because I was being freakin gaslighted about my entire actual origin and family
of birth, and syncronicity showed me the princewhateverer song "just grab your dreams and don't let go". When I finally moved out I wasn't even taking littleguy on walks anymore, despite simona telling me to, "witchcraft" was the next song that showed up on my computer. another pmv. and then an alien ship while simona was out doing laundry that said "that was your last chance" with a picture of a spaceship on the thumbnail. I screamed "no!" to no one since noone was there, packed up my things, and went around being homeless in the town I was "raised" in for 3 days. Syncronicy showed me the 4everfreebrony song "my only friends" at a starbucks locally there and I slept outside in the winter with multiple coats and gloves on in a park I used to ride my bike down back when I had it. As the day arrived for the bus ticket I couldn;t take being homeless anymore without a van so I went to kurtis's new house across town, where josef was also currently living, strange occurences happened before I enedd up on their front door. While writing my thoughts in na notebook the pen mysteriously broke out of nowhere and ink got AALL over the page I had been writing on covering up all the words with black. Then I saw a head on collision right outside of their neighborhood take place. When I got inside joe showed me the occulus rift or it's december 2016 equivelent but showed me a scene of a creature in a tree that said "why are you here? You're not welcome here" and then proceeded to look up Columbia on google maps and pulled up the place where I was going to jump off the roof downtown in 2012 when I was still suicidal. That brought back bad memories, he just said "oops". The made an offhand comment about being able to start Lilo and Stitch but not being able to finish it and my gut told me he was talking about something deeper than just that movie so I left kurtiss and josefs house and went to a KFC nearby. I ended up drawing with a sharpie on a paper tray sheet, a pony looking at a grandfather clock and thinking loudly "No!"
It was about time for kurtis and joe to drive me to the bus station anyways, just one more night of sleeping there. so I left the KFC. Syncronicty showed me a song by rushgarcia with a redlight as a picture on thebackground and "darkness" in the title name.
On the bus towards Lamar, CO I was reflecting on the way I'd been treated the past year and how it hurt. It felt, the visualization that came up anyways, like knives cutting into and carving out, deeply into some yellow substance that was in and where my brain should be, leaving squashy deep cut marks with each motion of the knife. When I got to the Lamar apartments I could tell that the family running the place was dysfunctional, but I didn't care. They were friendly enough to me, the owner remarked how she could tell over the phone
that I had a good heart and I was grateful to be out of Columbia. The rent was a little too high though, I thought I had accounted for the price but there wasn't enough money for food, I had calculated, for the next month if I had kept staying there. I tried drawing again but I wasn't at the skill level I was at in California, something in my brain had broken in the past year, it was more than just being a little out of practice. I couldn't "feel" what I felt before when making digital art. I looked out the window one day and noticed for the first time an apartment complex across the street. "Sunburst apartments". After listening to "you're just a poor boy a long way from home" by tom petty as I did when I was with simona at kansascity when I was around 4 years old, I walked over to those apartments and asked how expensive the rent was there. I was shocked! It was less than 200$ So I immediately requested to change apartments. But something was strange in that new apartment. The energy there felt, "leafy" and "sharp", that's the best way I could put it. I'm in this same apartment complex again right now actually, in 2023, just after my holiday, or, my past lifes holiday, typing this. I feel I'm going to be killed soon. Anyways, as wierd as it felt I didn't feel I was about to be killed back in early 2017, which it was by then. The walks to walmart were refreshing if a bit gloomy and dissapointing, the town was more dead than it had appeared at the trainstation, it was winter sure but there weren't nearly as many trees as there were at the towns enterance and there was more dirt than dead grass on the ground everywhere.