Chapter 21:
I took a bus to Lamar this time I think, when I got there, I was carrying all my stuff with me, and I got kind of frustrated because as I got closer, my stuff was getting heavier (there was a lot of it, it was really cold, (it was march 2023 at this point)) and I ended up going from gratitude to complaining for a moment, strangely enough when I did, help arrived, a car and a woman named "angel" picked me up and drove me the rest of the way to Sunburst. I was concerned about getting there too early, but Linda the landlady was already there.
I signed all the paper work and instead of being put in pat. E I was put in Apt. A4 Where I'm typing this right now actually.
Heh, 4. 4 points on the cross, mark of shame, not pride, I messed up in this lifetime, moving on.
There was a person I met at the school of metaphysics called Tyler back in 2013, he acknowleged that I was raised in a cult when we met at a coffee shop recently in 2022 when I was getting off of the light meds. (I suspect my whole life has been boxed in, INCLUDING him but I can't confirm that.) I started doing meditation practices he suggessted and practiced drawing for a short time every day when I first got here. I went to a church called victory life, in town, and then an event called the iron man event at a different church at the edge of town. I was short on money, they had free food, it was cool. I ended up going to that church every week. They offered to pick me up every week so it was easy. I played videogames again for the first time since the end of the illusion at davids laughing fire Woody house.
And then I made a mistake, this mistake may have cost me my life, because I hit a dead end in my ability to get better at art, and an art course was suggested to me on Ekas portal. But I couldn't afford it, so I contacted david again. Syncronicity then showed me a rainbow dash being eaten by a mimic vore video that just came out. And everything in my life has been a downward spiral since. As if it wasn't a mostly down trajectory already despite being able to improve in art a bit, quite a bit, in this year. It started at church, where the church group invited me to play frizzbe golf in the local park with them and their kids, I had a dream that night where a little girl hugged me, and I didn't push her off of me and when I woke up I said, "uh oh". Didn't stop me from drawing what I wanted to draw but I steered clear of the kids at the church from then on. Travis, the narcissistic pastor there, noticed my behavior, and that whenever a kid came my way I increased distance, I told a revelations obsessed churchgoer, Jeff, about having "satanic desires" I wasn't spicific but I was talking about vore and pedophilia. Jeff talked to Travis, Travis Talked to Jeff. Jeff came back at me with "the sinful shall be struck down by rightousness and burn in fire" indirectly accused me of playing frizzbee golf that one time for the purpose of being turned on by those children, then said "context is important", while speaking to the whole room but making it clear he was talking about me, I made it clear to the whole room when I responded "context is imprortant but at the end of the day, logic is a labyrinth" oh no, why am I having trouble remembering ecxactly what I said? Something about sacrificing your current perspective if you're offered an oppertunity to transcend it, and that applys to me as well as everyone else. Jeff was actually impressed and smiled at me later that day but then next week Travis had talked with him and he got back to lookeing at me with discomfort and maybe even a little bit of distain again. Travis asked me to help out by teaching the kids one week, I don't know why I said yes, I felt it was wrong and stupid, yet I did it anyways, they had me in a monitor room up above in control of oplaying videos for the kids, and I didn't even agree with what they were being taught. It was too black and white. After two days I told Travis I couldn't do it anymore. I remember when I stopped going to church, shortly after that, I had a Scootaloo plush and I was drawing some lolicon art, I went to the bathroom reading a book called Journey of Souls, then heard a doorbell. I walked up to the door forgetting my sketchbook was open and it was a churchmember giving me a parting gift. I thanked him but then, (this time I actually WAS paranoid) I got paranoid that I'd be arrested by J.R. telling Travis that he saw me drawing lolicon art, and I ended up going back and forth between davids' house of nhorrors, and Lamar, CO for a while, not sure what to do with my art. But knowing that I not "had to" but had the right to keep making it. I learned more about narcissism, and david, and myself, every time I went back and forth though, there was a really scary instance where I was drawing the scene of filly rainbow dash licking her lips for the beginning of the race where I saw the devil in her eyes licking his lips for my soul, again that was at davids house and it was fucking freaky to FEEL that come out of rainbow dash's eyes. More paranoia and fear abounded over my art and I ended up going back to simonas, I was doing some buddic chants at the time and there at her apartment they gave me a vision of a black death skull, my own death, and a little after that I stopped doing buddic chants altogether. After interacting with joe again and getting a syncronicity from the truman show of Biff saying to Truman "The last thing I would ever do is lie to you", and simona over the phone saying "your cutie mark is melting off" before I blocked her. Then I cut myself off from david simona, and the church in Lamar entirely, but only after one last trip I had undertaken to david's because, I don't know exactly, every time I was going back and forth I was figuring more things out. I lost faith in God at some point, and then I just started putting the pieces together and it suddenly hit me. Could I be Jesus Christ? Could my past life have been Jesus Christ? I was like, uhh, I don't want that to be the case, but I got the unoffical 100% honesty award at shepard school, I discovered Steven Universe just after having that spiritual experience on that mountain in California. The only vehicle I've ever owned was a white 2001 Honda Oddessy, no, no way I can't be Christ, I don't want to be Christ. But when I got back to Lamar I put the puzzle piece in and it finally clicked. My real family was murdered, I was child trafficked, records were changed, while getting a freaking dna test the results were altered. the reverb brony orphan of tragedy synchronicity that popped up after simona said those hurtful words, aand just now today, December 27 right before I started typing this paragraph. I've been freaking pursued by a shadow cult, knowing I'm Jesus Christ, now I know it's a religous cult, holy shit. I went and told the cops what I knew at that point in Lamar, CO by filling out a police report, at that point I only told them I suspected I was Christ, I wasn't sure, they wrote me off as crazy anyways. But I filled out the rest that I knew, the article about the effects of cerns experiment on the God particle in 2012, QT gas stations and americas rightful complaint towards their Discord like archetecture not accomidating disabled people, the connection to the company Seti that david works for, and something that synchronicity showed me about a ship, or sailboat being made or related to Michigan State university in Ysiplanti. After that, and walking away from a mental health facility that was trying to incarcerate me, the guy said you were just put on an "A1" I walked away and towards
my apartment while saying "don't care"
I focused on
my art in my apartment after that but I never could've predicted what happened next.