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Tags: Accepted Fate accepting prey astrid hofferson Big Breasts Blonde Blonde Girl blonde hair blonde prey Digestion eager eager prey F/F Fatal Female Female Pred Female Prey happy happy digestion happy pred happy prey happy vore how to train your dragon Huge breasts Huge butt Human Human Prey Hungry macromastia Naked Female naked prey Soft Vore Stomach Very hungry Very Willing Prey Wide hips Willing Willing Pred Willing prey Young
This is the story
The picture can be found here: https://aryion.com/g4/view/987813
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Posted by Hivelord 1 year ago Report
Interesting concept but sorely lacking in substance. Feels like I’m being described a situation in the most barebones manner like « bad guy upset good guy, good guy kill bad guy the end » there is no description or « process »
Posted by Weirdother 1 year ago Report
Thanks for the comment. I understand what you mean. If I rewrote it, how do I improve it according to you?
Like how do I make it more voluminous?
Posted by Hivelord 1 year ago Report
Well first of all you basically describe the story in a very "they just did it" manner, look at other stories how they describe in greater detail exactly what the characters do. Maybe describe better what the characters feel etc, also you really need to avoid repeating the same words so many times.
Trying to make the scenes "fit" into each other would also be a good idea, right now its very "and she did this. and then this character did that" cuts up the story way too much.
Posted by Weirdother 1 year ago Report
Thanks.
I will take this into consideration.
I hope the rewrite will be better when I make it.
Posted by Hivelord 1 year ago Report
Recommend getting someone else to proof read your stories can help for feedback.