Quick break from the action today. I've been craving the recluse feeling more often lately. It seems like I'm having to work exceptionally hard to have a good conversation with most people, so I've concluded that the problem is mine and not yours (for those I now talk with, or used to stay in touch with). I apologize for any discomfort I may have caused any of you, but it's difficult for me to conduct myself in any other way. I'm not sad or angry...more like remorsefull. I always do my best to treat people the way they deserve to be treated, even when I dislike the person.

Did some brainstorming for one of my stories while I split wood today. I thinkin I'll write short episodes when I feel inspired, and then weave them together later. Yup.

More details...
[ Continued ... ]

I tutored one of my friends for his math exam. He uses that pet name for my lesbian friend.

I was going to post this to facebook or something, but I'm too minty to determine if it would start a political discussion (which is something I DON'T WANT!!):

I drove past someone tonight, leaving them to walk through the darkness. It occurred to me in that moment that if not for years of being subjected to news media, I would trust a stranger enough to pull over and ask if something was wrong. Perhaps this fear is a sign that I should go back to sleep.

My lesbian friend and I went for a two hour walk and got some good conversation in. One of the more heavily discussed topics was d/s. As such, I want to add something here. In the past, I have had...
[ Continued ... ]

Just gonna post up a link.

http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/3664683/

tl;dr I'm testing out a new philosophy. Detrimental health effects still worry me to some extent. But what matters to me now is whether you get more harm or benefit from your actions, not what your actions are.

I wrote literally 1 side of 1 paper, on an impulse because I knew it could be done by bed time, which then turned into lay-awake-4-hours-and-have-3-nightmares-in-the-3-hours-of-sleep-I-actually-got time. But anyway, the quick thing was for Shorty, one of a few people I'd one day hoped to give a gift too. And it's not meant to be fapped to, so I won't share it in the blog, but you can try your luck with PMing me if youwant!

Today I had 3 hours of doctor office visits, 2 blood drawings, and one bone biopsy. That involved carving out a small piece of my pelvis. It's uncomfortable to sit and walk around, so I'm kind of writing this day off as a recovery day. That means review starts 8am sharp!

But gosh, I was hoping to see a certain taur online tonight. Predded...
[ Continued ... ]

I wonder how many times I got auto-corrected last journal post. Got internet on my laptop back. With the move, we didn't have internet for a few days, so I was relying on spotty 3G or even the 1X stuff to see the web. D: No picnic using the phone keyboard to type either.

tthhiiss tteesstt bbuuuuhh

It seems necessary to get this out in the open because I have been ignoring it for the most part. On the 19th, I go for a bone biopsy. I'm thinking of also asking them to check for TB since I think the test is the same, and they're going in anyway. One or two days before that, I'm being checked for Limes and some form of arthritis. Up until now, I've been nowhere near honest with the amount of pain I feel on a day-to-day basis, something I shouldn't be having to...
[ Continued ... ]

Recently moved, and we don't have internet at the house yet. The local coffee shop has wifi but marks this and FA as TASTELESS. I hate posting from my phone, and not worth the trouble rping with the spotty IM apps.

Helped the landlord move some furniture and clean. He's 5 days behind on the lease conditions and not nearly finishes yet, and, on principle, I hate helping with this housework, but I'm not angry enough to underpay him and go to court just yet, and I kinda just want this stuff to get done so I can focus on studying for FM.

Finally gave myself an hour to world-build for one of my stories. It's the one of the two large projects that my friends seem to be unanimously less interested in, but it's the one I like better and it's been in the works for...
[ Continued ... ]

"Studying" for my final in 2 hours. I honestly don't think there's much hope, so that kind of kills my motivation. It doesn't seem to matter if I lay off drugs or take them, eat good quality food or bad, exercise regularly or not at all, sleep in excess of 9 hours per day or less than 2 per day. Seriously, I've tried just about everything I can think of. My mental abilities just seem to be deteriorating. People tell me it's because my coursework is getting harder, but it's not that. I can feel it. People don't believe me, but it's there and it's real.

Anyway, I made an open call to facebook in a non-descript way. Originally Ursula just got a place after the episode in the laboratory. Maybe she was living with a friend of his, or stranger(s)...I'm not sure...
[ Continued ... ]

My Air Force buddy isn't honest with most people, often practical and efficient in his remorseless use of them. He feels it is within his rights to take advantage of those who let themselves be taken advantage of. However, that is just who he is. He expects others to do the same to him. It's a prisoner's dilemma. This is why he is so fond of me. I consistently and openly take people at face value, not trying to interpret what they say or how they do what they do. And this isn't my opinion, this is how he has described my behavior to me. Because I am fair and consistent, he can be himself around me. He doesn't lie or cheat or any of the bad things he does to other people. Now you might be thinking to yourself, *but prisoner, he's manipulating you and you don't see it. How you are...
[ Continued ... ]

People in the past have asked me why I dislike life. The answer isn't fully understood by me, so it can be hard for me to share my insight in this part of the human experience. After all, I know far too many people who seem to enjoy life more than I do. Taking a hint from my sub-conscious, I decided to review what had recently popped into my head.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BqGTb4ZFAS8 Disney's Aladdin, A Whole New World.

When I watch this video, I appreciate the inspiration it took to piece together an animated movie--a proverbial "timeless classic" (read: vintage pos for all you interweb junkies). I remember the value and gravity of learning...
[ Continued ... ]

The birds are chirping already. -_- How they can even find the right hole at a quarter after three is beyond me.

I have been more conscious of how much time I spend doing things on Eka's and FA. Mainly what I am realizing now is that I need to find a plan that works for me, and slowly cut back. I made some improvement today, so that is good news at least. Just have to do at least as well tomorrow. Or if all else fails, no major/permanent setbacks would be nice.

My junk is kind of set up for tomorrow. I need to get up in a hurry so I have time to shower and eat on my walk to class. Tuesdays and Thursdays are a pretty rough schedule for me this semester. I have 4 hours of class in the morning and then another 2 hour class in the evening. My main goal is to...
[ Continued ... ]