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In the penultimate match between Team Roxanne and Team Black, Lauren goes up against the fiercely powerful Sheryl! Who will prevail?
17,000+ words! Longest chapter yet!
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Posted by doomed 7 months ago Report
Amazing work. Still a guy punch knowing lizzo is dead . Because now Lauren used her as motivation and Lizzy is dead . Also is there a master list of what episodes certain people died . It’s hard to keep track and remember the deaths lol
Posted by Nobodyman 7 months ago Report
Well, as it happens... https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1N84_bhk-viKKbVYHd8wgaoe-kRFiJrgKFotxZmUez_4/edit?usp=sharing
And yeah, it can be tough to keep track of it all. Even fore me, the guy writing the story!
Posted by doomed 6 months ago Report
Thank you ! This is perfect
Posted by Tecknickel 7 months ago Report
Sheryl should've won this, wtf... :(
Posted by Nobodyman 7 months ago Report
Hmm, I'm curious, what makes you say that?
Posted by Tecknickel 6 months ago Report
From a purely numbers perspective, it would make more sense to have 2 wins and 2 losses for Team Roxanne. The only alternative I see is that it ends up becoming a 5 on 2 against Black Frances some how (Frankly I think her powers are so OP she can't lose, and she has the advantage that she doesn't need to waste time to gain more powers). Without knowing what this 'caged at the end of the battle' business is all about, it's probably necessary for Lauren to have the teleporting to offer a potential chance for the team to escape.
As for this fight itself, Sheryl felt like she had the stronger abilities, and the overall better fighter. I was getting a strong sense of Deus Ex Machinas, Retcons, and plot device that kept giving Lauren escapes. For example, encased in ice, being swallowed by the tail, and still managed to get out...why would the ice melt that quickly? Is the tail really that long and that hot? It was not exposited to be. Now, the going unconscious thing feels inconsistent; Is it only the stomach? Is it the head entering the stomach, so swallowing headfirst is the safer bet? Looking at past chapters, the tail seemed to knock them out too when they're encased in it, so why does Lauren get a pass? Secondly, it was incredibly hard to suspend my disbelief that Lauren could fight against the energy train and toxin and still manage to pull out a win, and Sheryl can simultaneously heal herself. What was stopping Sheryl from energy draining someone inside her tail if they're still dangerous inside it? In my view, that should've been GG and Lauren is dead to rights.
Now, ALL that being said please understand that I'm a severe glutton for punishment and typically root for the bad guys in these vore scenarios. So...I'm HEAVILY biased; My favorite thus far is the near effortless fight Team Frances had against the Warriors of Virtue; Their demise was very satisfying. Anyway...take my observations with a bucket of salt, and please don't take this as a slight on your writing; I love the world you've created here and cannot wait to see how it plays out going forward. I'm sure it will be satisfying in the end!
(But I won't say 'no' to some 'Alt Endings' for these last few arena style battles, if for nothing else than an excuse for more Survival of the Fittest! ;) )
Posted by Nobodyman 6 months ago Report
Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I can definitely understand where you're coming from in terms of Lauren's "escapes" throughout the battle.
From my standpoint, I wanted to put Lauren (and the rest of Team Roxanne) through the absolute, most difficult challenges of their lives since these are meant to be the the final battles of the series. I wanted to give the impression they were being pushed to their limits and barely scraping by with their victories. But perhaps I steered too far in that direction, making them seem invulnerable or protected by deus ex machinas, as you say. As a writer, it's a tough balancing act.
And to clear up any confusion about the unconsciousness thing, all contestants fall unconscious after inhaling their predator's stomach fumes upon entering their stomach (with some odd exceptions, depending on their abilities). The people consumed by Sheryl's tail should not fall unconscious while inside her tail. If I implied or stated otherwise in previous chapters, then I apologize, that's a failing on my part.
And if, as you said, you just like seeing the bad guys win, well...guess there's nothing that can be done for that, LOL.
Posted by Shadowman03 7 months ago Report
kinda feel like sheryll should've won, but still amazing story!
Posted by Nobodyman 7 months ago Report
That's two who think Sheryl should've won. May I ask why?
Oh, and thank you for the compliment.
Posted by Shadowman03 7 months ago Report
Subconsciously it's the fact that one girl won, lizzy lost, wendy won, then it would make sense for Lauren to lose the next one. Also thought Shery'll would do more, the idea of her eventually betraying Black Francis and losing to her is fun. Just my personal opinion tho, and I def enjoyed this one as well! Heh, maybe you might have to make an alternate ending for this? Either way im satisfied, just thought Shery'll should've won.
Posted by doomed 6 months ago Report
Meanwhile I actually think this works better . The person who should’ve lost in my opinion is velouria. She’ was the newest to the group
Posted by Nobodyman 6 months ago Report
Yeah, I totally get the idea of keeping things even between Roxanne and Black Frances' team, which is something I was thinking about. And yeah, I sometimes I do wish I could've done more with the characters who are, uh, "written out", but for the story and ending I have planned, this is pretty much how it had to go down.
Posted by Shadowman03 6 months ago Report
It’s all good, I really enjoyed this chapter!
Posted by ClarAya 6 months ago Report
I get the overall gist because given how the battle was going, Lauren probably should've lost if Sheryll wasn't distracted by Francis, but I've learned from reading stories like this is to always expect the unexpected, I though Lauren was done the moment she was completely inside the tail, but plot twist it worked in her favor, however the ending of the story is Lauren is captured so who's to say something still doesn't happen to her, we'll just have to wait and see what unfolds
Posted by NakuyKi 6 months ago Report
Finally caught up. NGL, it's unfortunate that team Roxanne has a hard time incorporating new powers into their strategies even though former opponents showed them examples of how they can be used.
e.g. Using illusions to scope out Sheryl's powers.
Also, I was keeping a text document on who had what powers and I'm glad we finally got to see where the energy absorption ended up lol.
Good job. Looking forward to the Tina shenanigans.
Posted by Nobodyman 6 months ago Report
Thank you for reading and for sharing your thoughts.
As for the abilities, well...there's a difference between seeing someone use it and actually using it yourself. Really, there's a multitude of ways they can all be used and I try to use them in a way that matches each character's fighting style and personality.