International Foodie - Scotland
 
 
The Scottish Lowlands are known worldwide for their historic sites and natural beauty, and on that day they were more beautiful than ever. The way the sun shone on the grass made it look greener than usual, and the sky was of a deep blue decorated by pure white clouds.
 
So it was not hard to see why Catriona felt so satisfied when she went to tend for the sheep. The sun warmed her body and the gentle breeze relaxed her, and the girl couldn't help but hum an old tune her grandma had taught her as she worked with the animals.
 
But it was just her impression, or there was somebody approaching her? It was a bit hard to see with all the sunlight, but squinting her eyes she managed to see that there was a weary man coming towards her.
 
The man was an American by the name of Brian, and he was terribly tired. He had been walking all day under the sun, and all he wanted now was to reach Edinburgh and be back to urban life. His tour through Scotland had taken him to Lowland and Highland, glen and loch, ancient church and ruined castle. The natural sights were as beautiful as the old grey piles were boring, even though Glamis Castle had interested the foreigner with the legends it carried, but now he just wanted to relax.
 
It was then that he saw Catriona, and grew hopeful, for it had been hours before he seen any living soul, and the sight of such a beautiful lass was revigorating. Catriona's red hair and fair skin made her very pretty, and her large breasts and other curves made her attractive in other ways as well.
 
"Hello!" Brian started the conversation. "Sorry to interrupt your work, but do you happen to know the way to Edinburgh?"
 
"Guid mornin, sire, an ye're no interruptin awthing, A wis here juist mindin the sheep, that's aw. A'm sorry, but A fear that Edinburch is very distant fae here. Did ye come fae faur awa? Ye dinnae luik lik ye're fae these pairts," Was the redhead's answer.
 
"Hmmmm..." Brian stood there facing the girl for some time. "...what?"
 
"A wis juist askin whaur ye cam fae, sire. Ma name's Catriona, an A dinnae think that ye can reach Edinburch in juist a day's walk fae whaur ye'r richt noo. But, gif ye dinnae mind stayin in humble accomodations, the veelage whaur A leeve is juist a few minutes walk fae here an gif ye want ye could stay thare an phone fur a car tae take ye whaur ye want tae go."
 
"...what...?"
 
"Our veelage's name's Cidsin Nan Coigreach an ma faimlie runs the anly inn in it. It haes guid fuid, guid beer an decent ruims. We rarely receive foreigners but ye will be wylcome thare. Care tae follow me?" Catriona went on.
 
Brian cursed his luck: the redhead was speaking in another language! It sounded a bit like English, but it was very different at the same time, and hard to understand. The American had no idea that Scots was even a thing, for he just assumed that Scottish people, being so close to England, spoke English as well. But based on the girl's body language, Brian understood that she wanted him to follow her.
 
And so, the American started following the Scottish lass, the constant sight of her sizeable behind reminding him that he hadn't eaten anything since his light breakfast and that he was famished. His stomach growled loudly and painfully, making Catriona turn towards him with a smile.
 
"Woah sire, ye really are hungry! But dinnae worry, suin enouch ye'll be eatin ma mither's fuid an feelin nice an fou!"
 
Soon, the pair arrived at Cidsin Nan Coigreach, a small village or hamlet with just a few houses, the largest of which they were now standing before. Brian assumed, correctly, that it was the village's inn from it's appearance alone. It was clearly the place the redhead wanted to take him to.
 
"Here we are, sire. A'll introduce ye tae ma parents an help ye get a guid ruim," Catriona's shoulders were grabbed by the foreigner. "Sire? Is thare somethin wrong?"
 
The American was eyeing her hungrily. His stomach growled again, this time even more urgently. The Scottish maid blushed, for she assumed that Brian wanted to shag her.
 
"Sire, let's go somewhere mair private first. Ma mither cried me a dirty wench an slappit ma rump haurd the last time she fund oot that A wis daein hochmagandy wi a guest..." Catriona admited, for although she was a hard-working girl, she was also what one would call a "hure", having slept with a considerable porcentage of the men who stayed at her family's inn, although she had only been discovered a few times.
 
But Brian was thinking about satisfying another primal need instead of the one to copulate, and Catriona was way too slow to realize that what the man felt was hunger instead of horniness to save herself. He darted towards her with surprising quickness and gobbled up her head in the blink of an eye.
 
Catriona started screaming and protesting after a short delay but it was too late for that. The man was grabbing and swallowing her fast and hungrily, like a beast, and more and more of her meaty body was sent down her throat by each second.
 
Meanwhile, inside the inn, the guests were chatting, drinking and singing happily, while Catriona's father, Alastair, stood behind the counter and the girl's mother, Elsie, served the guests food. Alastair was a plump man with a balding head and a face that was incredibly jolly when he was in a good mood and frightfully serious when he was in a bad one. His wife had clearly once been the beauty of the village, for her red hair and pretty facial features were much like their daughter's, but age had given her a short fuse and a stout (not to say fat) figure. Her humongous breasts also helped to explain how Catriona got her shapely figure.
 
"Whaur the hell is that lass?! She should be back fae tendin tae the sheep bi noo! Acause o her, A'm havin tae dar baith the cuikin an the serving!" Elsie protested to her husband.
 
"Dinnae worry elsie dear, the lass is probably goin tae return ony moment," Her husband pacified her.
 
"She better no be wi some man, or A'll gie her ass a beatin that won't let her sit fur weeks!"
 
The couple's and the guests' attention though were soon arrested from their conversations by a loud hiccup coming from outside the inn, which was followed by a long and satisfied, although crass, belch. The door then opponed and in stepped an American with a hideously bloated belly which escaped completely from beneath his shirt and squirmed strangely.
 
He lazily waddled towards an empty table unaware that all eyes were on him and on his obscenely engorged stomach. He managed to sit awkwardly and let out a satisfied sigh, rubbing his massive gut with both hands. Alastair exchanged a glance before the man shrugged his shoulders and gesticulated for his wife to go see what the newcomer wanted.
 
"Guid afternuin, sir," Elsie approached Brian, trying not to eye his squirming gut. "Wylcome tae our humble inn. Will ye want awthing tae eat or drink?"
 
The American looked at her with confusion and a considerable amount of frustration. She shared that undeciphrable patois with his beautiful meal from before! The fact that it was similar to English instead of completely alien made it even worse, because Brian felt like part of his brain got the meaning of the words and part of it didn't.
 
But staring at the middle-aged woman's massive boobs, her reddish face and red hair brought some recolections to Brian's mind. She reminded him of someone who could it be? Oh! Of course, it was the lass he just had! There was a clear family resemblance. Brian smiled friendly at the stout matron.
 
"You must be the mother of that girl I ate! It's a pleasure to meet the source of such a delectable piece of meat. I must say, you raised quite the fighter!" Brian chuckled, pointing towards his moving belly. "She's struggling a lot, and it feels great."
 
"Huh...whit dar ye mean, sire?"
 
"Her meat was so soft, and it had a sweetness to it that it's hard to find nowadays," Brian went on, unaware that his words weren't making the least bit of sense to the Scottish woman. "It's not hard to see why she came out so tasty looking at you, ma'am. If you were just a bit younger and less fat (fat women can clog one's bowels really bad) I would eat you as well without a doubt."
 
"Sire, A can't unnerstaun this weird talk o yours," It was Elsie's turn to be confused, and as she was a no-nonsense type of person, she had little patience for having a chit-chat with some bloated foreigner. "I juist want tae ken whit ye'll hae tae eat or drink, so, fur God's sake, juist tell me already!"
 
Although Brian couldn't understand most of it, he did catch the word "drink", and that made him understand the matron's purpose there.
 
"Ah, sorry. I'll have a beer, please. Eating your daughter made me a bit thirsty."
 
Elsie gave him a weird look before walking away. Brian stared at her all the way. She was a sow but it wasn't hard to see that in her younger days she had been quite the buxom beauty. The American wondered how she managed to reach her current age in a country where women were as good as the sheep Catriona had been taking care of. Perhaps she had been married early to an overprotective man?
 
Whatever was the case, they definetely hadn't been overprotective of their daughter, that was for sure, for she was currently all slimy and packed away inside Brian's tight stomach. Leaving her working outside without anybody watching her while wearing such enticing clothing was not a good idea, unless she was meant as a free, hearty welcome meal to any weary traveller seeking to stay in the inn. This theory satisfied Brian.
 
Anyway, Elsie was now returning with a mug of beer for him. He thanked her and took a gulp from the alcoholic beverave. It was cool and tasty enough. The matron walked away from that weird man as soon as she could, approaching her husband and whispering to him:
 
"Ally, that's ane queer man richt thare! He haes some weird talk aboot eatin something, an his belly is aw fat an noisy, an it moves lik it haes a life o it's ain. Dar ye think he is bewitched?" Elsie asked with the sincere fear of superstitious country-folk towards the Dark Arts.
 
"Bewitched? Are ye mad, wumman? He maun be an american, an ye ken hou them americans are wi thir hamburgers an whatnot. The man's nae warlock, he's juist fat!" Was Alastair's reply.
 
"But the movements..."
 
"Aw air. A bet ye he'll be blastin it oot o ane o his ends suin enouch an then his belly will be as still as Loch Ness. Dinnae worry aboot a thin ma dear."
 
"Alricht, then..."
 
Meanwhile, the subject of the couple's conversation was downing his beer with satisfaction. How nice of them not only to provide him with a scrumptious meal in the form of their daughter, but to also serve him a cold beverage to complete the deal!
 
Catriona wasn't so happy with the whole situation though, for if being cramped inside a nasty chamber of flesh wasn't enough, now some cold liquid was raining on her head! She thought she had heard her mother's voice coming from outside, and strugged and called even louder than before to try to get her attention, but failed due to the loudness of the stomach noises and the conversations of the guests.
 
"Get me oot o here! It's daurk an gross, an A hae better things tae dar nor tae stay inside some man's belly!" Catriona protested, and soon after there was such a rumbling sound inside the stomach that she grew hopeful that the foreigner would regurgitate her.
 
But instead he only belched crassly, apologizing and blaming it on the beer with a awkward chuckle. This depleted the woman's breathable air by a considerable amount, much to her dismay. Brian enjoyed her struggles but he couldn't even imagine the suffering he was causing to the girl. For him, eating women was such a regular thing in foreign places that they didn't really care that much about being devoured alive, only fighting and protesting out of spunkiness.
 
Brian finished his beer and wiped his mouth, then got up not without some awkwardness due to his heavy belly and waddled towards the owners of the inn.
 
"I'd like a room, please," The American said. "Can't really walk to Edinburgh with someone as meaty as your daughter weighting me down, hehe."
 
The couple exchanged glances, then Alastair handed Brian a key.
 
"Woud ye lik me tae show the way tae yer ruim, sire?"
 
"Hmm...you too!"
 
The couple exchanged another glance, then Alastair sighed and spoke again:
 
"Juist follow me, alricht?", Then, under his breath, he added, "Bi God, whit an idiot..."
 
This time around Brian understood that the middle-aged Scotsman wanted to be followed, and he did so as fast as his bulging gut permited. The two men stood before a door while Alastair unlocked it. The door was opened and Brian stepped in. It was a small, simple but comfortable room. It had a tiny bed and a tiny table and a single cupboard as it's only furniture, but the room's window showed a peaceful and rustic view.
 
"Thank you. It looks like a comfortable place for digestion."
 
"Whatever ye say, sire," Alastair shrugged and walked away.
 
Brian allowed himself to fall on his back on the bed and sighed. It really was a rustic situation, staying in that little inn with a buxom redhead in his stomach. He almost felt in another time, so secluded from urban society and more refined women to eat. If someone told him that he had walked right into the Seventeenth Century, he would believe it. That would help explain why everybody there spoke in a language that sounded like English but wasn't!
 
"And now it's just the two of us, my fair maiden," Brian joked, gently caressing his massive white orb of a belly. This only gained him punches, kicks and curses from his stomach's current occupant. "Oh, such a fiery personality! It fits your hair, afterall. I love how no matter where you go, women always give you an internal massage when you eat them. That's some nice hospitality for sure."
 
Catriona was growing more worried by the minute, because it didn't look like that foreigner had any intention of spitting her out. She was at first worried by the possibility of him leaving the inn and village towards Edinburgh and taking her alongside him, or even worse, carry her out of Scotland. But then she started pondering, would she even live until that point? Wouldn't she be...digested?
 
No, it just couldn't be, the man surely wouldn't melt down a girl who showed him only kindness when he was lost and weary! Still, the gastric juices definitely felt weird touching her skin, so she wasn't so sure.
 
Meanwhile, Brian had noticed a pile of books and magazines on the bedside table. He picked up one. They all appeared to be either about Scotland or written by Scottish authors. He amused himself with a magazine about the country in pre-Roman days, and the Druids and their religious rites interested him throughly. Apparently they used to practice human sacrifices back then, which in Brian's opinion must surely consist in ingesting and digesting live women, probably as voluptuous and atractive as the fair skinned redhead he had eaten himself.
 
Once he was done with the magazine he picked up a book by one John Buchan and became heavily invested in it, to the point that he had to politely ask his meal to quiet down with all that screaming, cursing and crying, because she was making it harder for him to read. The book plus the full, warm belly though made Brian incredibly sleepy, and he soon was lulled into a food coma.
 
Elsie's curiosity got the best of her though and she decided to spy on the eccentric foreigner. She put her ear to his door and heard him snooring loudly. The matron opened the door as silently as she could and stepped inside the room. There it was, that repulsive white orb of a belly, it's surface moving and quivering non-stop. The older woman got closer to take a better look at it and was almost frightened out of her wits when a clear imprint of a human face appeared on the bloated stomach, almost touching her own.
 
"The Lord atween iz an harm!" The woman exclaimed, then covered her mouth, remembering that she couldn't wake up the foreigner. Brian just shifted in his sleep.
 
"Mama! It's me, Catriona! This stupid arsehole ate me!" Came the voice from within the belly.
 
"Catriona, whit happened?! Whit are ye daein fuilin around thare whan thare's wark tae dar, lass?!"
 
"It isn't ma fault, mama! A wis showin him the way whan he grabbit me an scarfit me doon lik a cranachan!" The girl cried out in despair and shame. "Ye gotta get me oot o here!"
 
"A see whit happenit clearly, lass! Ye've been fuilin around wi this here foreigner, huh? Makin luve wi a stranger on the green turf whan ye should hae been mindin the sheep, nauchty girl!" The mother made her accusation, angrily.
 
"Whit?! God forbid, nae! Ye're understandin it wrong, mama!"
 
"Oh ay, ye can't fuil me this time around! It's anly natural fur a man tae feel a bit peckish efter goin at it, so he juist grabbit the meatiest thin around. Serves ye richt gif ye ask me! A'm gonna let ye thare till tomorrow so ye can think aboot whit ye've duin, then eblins ye'll learn no tae be sic a lowly wench!" Elsie furiously smacked her daughter through her devourer's skin, forcing a deep belch out of the sleeping man.
 
"Nae mama, that's a misunderstanding! A didn't dar awthing wrong, A swear! Ye can't lea me here till tomorrow, ma clothes are already meltin an ma skin is aching!" The redhead started to cry.
 
But her mother wouldn't have anymore of it, and angrily stomped out of the room, closing the door behind her and leaving her poor daughter to her own luck. Meanwhile, Brian had been dreaming: in the dream he was a druid, a powerful and influential one at that. That day was the day of sacrifice, and the warriors had brought the virgin maids to the temple.
 
All the voluptuous virgins kneeled down and accepted their fates as his fellow druids devoured them alive, but the wench who had been brought to him specifically was fighting like a wild beast in the warrior's grasp. She was the meatiest of them all, and had a fiery red hair that seemed to be reflected in her personality. He approached her and tore off her simple clothes, exposing her fair breasts with their pink nipples and her naked sex. He could already hear his colleagues burping contentedly as they finished their meals and he hadn't even started his own.
 
He looked at the curves and the nakedness of his morsel and his mouth watered. The chief-druid grabbed her suddenly and with the speed and hunger of a wolf shoved her beautiful head down his gullet. She tried to fight it, but he just fondled her massive breasts while swallowing her further. Eventually even the pair of meaty white orbs were engulfed by his mouth, his tongue savoring them eagerly much to the virgin's shame.
 
He grabbed her by her fat rump to shove her further down his throat, then raised her body to deal with her waist, ass and shapely legs. Her delicate, shoeless feet were the last thing to go down, and once he gulped them, his meal was over. The chief-druid couldn't help but belch loudly after ingesting such a large and juicy piece of meat, and he turned towards the guard as asked who that redhaired girl was. Apparently, she was just a poor girl from a simple family.
 
She definetely was a fighter though, as the chief-druid could clearly see from her violent movements inside his stomach. The gods would undoubtly be pleased by such a worthy sacrifice. He turned towards his fellow druids, each and every one of them also sporting a hideously bloated gut filled with a virgin whose life force was going to be offered for a greater purpose.
 
Then Brian woke up and was no longer the chief-druid, and the redhead in his stomach wasn't near as active as the one in the dream. In fact, she was completely still. The American pressed his stomach and it just sank, it's contents offering no resistance. She had gone soft. Brian sighed and gently rubbed his belly, feeling grateful towards Fortune for putting such a delectable Scottish meal in his path.
 
"Don't tell me that I slept the whole day, though..." Brian thought aloud, before realizing that he probably had. Oh well.
 
He was feeling to sluggish and groggy to get up from bed, so he just kept lying there while the contents of his stomach were noisily sucked to his bowels. He only really got up when he felt nature calling.
 
Brian looked for a bathroom in the inn but couldn't really find it, to his dismay. While looking for it, he stumbled on Elsie, who had been going to his room to check out on Catriona. The middle-aged woman had grown remorseful over her treatment of her daughter and had decided on setting her free at once. Imagine her horror then when she met the American and saw how smaller and softer his belly had become since she had last seen it. Brian smiled at her.
 
"Hey! My body's done with your daughter, thanks again for letting me have her! She was a very sweet girl and..." The American was interrupted by a noisy fart erupting from his own behind, which made him chuckle awkwardly. "But as you can see, I need to part ways with her now. Care to show me where's the bathroom?"
 
Elsie just stared at him, jaw dropping and eyes wide. The man was slightly frustrated, but he figured he'd have to do it the rustic way. He was in a rustic inn in a rustic village in a rustic country afterall, and the rustic girl he ate was weighting down his bowels. He rushed out of the inn, followed by Elsie who walked like a somnambulist.
 
Brian walked away from the village, going towards the green turf near to where Catriona had been "mindin" the sheep. He lowered his pants and squatted and with a loud intestinal cacophony started parting ways with the Scotswoman. Elsie watched paralyzed as more and more manure came out of the American's behind, forming a vile pile on the grass. It appeared to take quite the effort from Brian's part, but he seemed to be enjoying himself.
 
One last batch of fresh shit and the process was over, leaving Brian with only a slight potbelly. The steaming mound though would be a testament to what had happened to Catriona, for her white but dirtied bones could be seen decorating and sticking out of the crap.
 
"Phew, she went out smoothly!" Brian smiled at a trembling Elsie. "You raised a good girl, I must say. Do you happen to have any other daughters? I might want a snack on my way to Edinburgh."
 
Elsie screamed and rushed towards the pile that had once been her only daughter, falling to her knees in front of it.
 
"Ma baby! Ma baby! She wis sic a guid lass, an noo luik at her...!" The woman wailed.
 
"Huh..." Brian found himself in an awkward situation. "If this is about your other daughters, I'm sorry. I understand that the other guests need to eat as well, so I can't have them all."
 
The woman kept wailing and screaming nonsense in that uninteligible language.
 
"Yeaaah, riiight..." Brian started stepping away from the kneeling Scotswoman. "I need to go now, but thanks for the meal anyways."
 
Having said that, Brian started walking away, wondering what exactly was wrong with that woman while that woman wondered how she would break the news to her husband that their beautiful daughter had been eaten and turned into a mountain of manure by a foreigner, and that she had done nothing to save her when there was an opportunity to do so.
 
 
...
 
 
Brian, as a certified international foodie, loved to share his experiences with other people. That's why he had created a blog to talk about his trips, a page which had a humble but considerable following online. This was Brian's most recent post after visiting Scotland:
 
"Hi guys! It's me, Brian, the international foodie! Just got back from my trip to Scotland and, wow, what a ride it has been! It took me some time to find Edinburgh, but I saw and learned a lot of interesting things! And before you ask, no, I did not find the Loch Ness Monster lol. What I did find though was a delectable example of Scottish cuisine, a lovely girl who was plump in all the right places. The contrast between the whiteness of her skin and the redness of her hair instantly caught my attention, and the way she played hard to get was just adorable! They probably like their woman spunky there in Scotland, so they teach the ladies how to put up a good fight to entertein their men.
 
Her taste was great, her meat being flavourful while also having some tenderness to it. So, using my parameters, I would rate Scottish food this way:
 
 
Presentation: 7/10
Meatiness: 7/10
Saltiness: 4/10
Sweetness: 7/10
Spiciness: 5/10
Squirminess: 10/10
Gas level: 5/10
Nastiness coming out: 3/10
 
She was mostly sweet, and didn't give me that much gas, although she did manage to dislodge quite a few gas bubbles with all of her delightful squirming. She also came out smoothly and wasn't very foul. Overall, a great meal. If you guys ever travel through the Scottish countryside and get hungry, be sure to stop at some village, because those good, simple folk offer their daughters for free! See you guys in my next foodie adventure around the world!"