Posted by deathjump9000 1 month ago Report

What a really dam good story. Every scene was expertly crafted with meticulous detail. I loved the idea that the hotel was in on the incident and the interior scene of the girls trying to escape was great and i thought it was cool when they realized there was a second womb that contained a more monstrous cargo. I just kinda wish wirt was able to join the litter/family. I kept thinking you were going to do a scene like; As she pounced upon this male she looked into his eyes and she saw it. He had the gift, the ability to feel the threads of time and evade its dangers, there was only one other human whom she encountered who had this gift and she was one of the few humans to escape her hunt. Now was her chance to make up for her past failure and introduce this gift into her bloodline... although she didn't enjoy the idea of introducing a male into her litter, they often didn't work well with their litter mates and they often brought more trouble than what they were worth but she could make an exception with this one. Anyway like i said you made a really great story and you should feel proud of yourself.

Posted by LemonBarb 1 month ago Report

You never know...

But to cut on that. Odds are more likely Wirt's not going to be devoured, but absorbed instead. If/when a sequel's commissioned.

How it'd happen I'll keep on wraps for now, but know it won't involve oral consumption at all ;)

Posted by LemonBarb 1 month ago Report

Here are some more thoughts on re-reading that comment you made, suggestions included;

Gift wise is less "time sense", more a "sixth sense" along the lines/vibes of the Zero Escape series at best. And if the Manticore wanted to permamently inlcude Wirt's potential/sixth sense into her bloodline, there will be absorption. (Cue Wirt trapped inside a Manticore's 'psyche' for eternity?)

As for male unbirth. That can happen as well. It's just a mix of bias and strength 'generally' leads to "breed strong males, and eat them once broken" and "strong women get unbirthed. The weak eaten for desert".

Then again, there can be male exceptions to that list. If say; they're Magical Boys. Or worse, "totally not Power Rangers", so... ;)

Posted by deathjump9000 1 month ago Report

I think I get what you mean when it comes to the 6th sense where it's kind of like spiderman's spidy sense but on steroids and because it's so strong/far reaching he can't actually determine what the actual danger is.

By describing it as him feeling the threads of time I kind of made it seem like he had time powers when that is not the case, maybe calling it the threads of fate might have been better but nonetheless I was trying to describe the power in a way the manticore might comprehend and since manticores are partially from Greek mythology, I thought maybe I could connect the concept to the three sisters of fate and their threads.

I never played the Zero Escape series so I don't get the power reference there.

As far as your absorption and trapped psyche idea goes, I generally like it. It reminds me of an idea I had for a story where a pred eats a prey and both are surprised the prey is stuck in the head of the pred. They would both start off in an adversarial situation, but some kind of event happens where the pred only survives thanks to the advice of the prey. que a time skip later, and they are good friends but the pred learns of a way to give the prey a body, by sending the psyche to their womb or testicles, depending on the sex of the pred. The pred offers this to the prey but they say if they do this, they will lose their memories. The prey still accepts, que happy ending lol.

Well, that's just the way I would do a psyche absorption story, if you ever make a sequel I would definitely love to read it and see how you would do a psyche absorption story. I'm guessing it would be alot more brutal, as it looks like your pred is the sexy prey mantis kind of pred lol.

I am a bit confused on the power rangers quote, are you referencing another story?

I do apologize if I came off as a bit pushy with my suggestions/ideas. It's fun to talk about certain possibilities even if it might not appeal to the creator. Like one time I had a guy suggest that I make an alternative ending to one of my stories. He wanted the main character to die, and I had to respectfully say while I'm fine with characters dying, this story in particular only has one prey character and the story is a rebirth through vore themed story so that idea doesn't appeal to me.

I'm rambling a bit so, I'm going to end the message here. Thank you LemonBarb for the idea of this story and if Elliotalien08 reads this thank you for writing the story.

Posted by LemonBarb 1 month ago Report

No problem. And a long ass response, begets one last long reply (instead of two seperates). So here's my icing on that ;)

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Zero Escape reference wise, I was thinking of the whole "Morphogenetic Field" angle as an excuse for a 'time sense/travel', or deadly premonition. It's less along the likes of "Greek myth/Spider sense" involving three sisters, more an unconcious psychic vibe on 'what could happen'. Another loose comparison could be the Sub-Stand ability "Epitath" from Jojo Part 5. Where one can 'see' X amount of seconds into the future. But to Wirt, it's only a 'vague' sense or question of "when" Murphy's (or Sords) Law would screw him again. And to a limited point, dodge/avoid the worst of that from happening.

As for the whole discussion on a Psyche Absorption story. Funny thing you said that~

Jokes aside. I'd say more, but again, if/when a sequel's commissioned with this in mind. I'd no doubt bet it'd be to the mind/ego of predatory dominance. To poor Wirt's expense. (Or would it be 'privilage?')

And lastly, the Power Rangers off comment is in mind to elliotalien's bias towards that series. As a theoretical 'second course' or desert for the Manticore to 'adopt' over.

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Now, feedback aside. I get that vibe on adding suggestions/ideas/comments. After all, even if it might be pushy or so? I'd not be surprised if any creator worth their salt would welcome any kind of feedback (to a point).

I'd say more, but that'd lead to more tentative thoughts on if the "Morphogenetic Field" can be an excuse for a trilogy, or 'prequel turned finale'.

Posted by elliotalien08 1 month ago Report

Thank you! I think this was some of my best writing, ans i hope to improve as i go

Posted by LemonBarb 1 month ago Report

And hopefully some day soon, a sequel will be pitched/commissioned (not right now though, as I have an art bias to itch before stories.)