Posted by mad_hatter_plus 15 years ago Report

Great story! But, you are writing scat, not full tour. Full tour does not involve digestive breakdown of enzymes; the prey must be excreted alive. I would be very greatful if you would correct your tags. Thank you. :)

Posted by French_snack 15 years ago Report

Fantastic! I was excited when I saw you'd got a new story up - and of course, it more than lived up to expectations. You're great with characters. Mona, of course, remains as appealing as she was in her first story, but you've given each of her three 'prey' a distinct, believable and interesting personality, which leads to excellent scenes when they interact with Mona. I particularly liked the description of her time with Polly, even though it was in indirect style. And then there was the Colonel, who at first seemed like a mere annoyance, and then developed into a lifelike, likeable character as we got to know him better. His nervousness, his manner towards Mona, were good touches.

What else to say? The whole story is full of excellent scenes and details. I liked the fact that Mona is evolving (so to speak) through her encounters with her meals, to the point that she wonders about their influence on her, and where she'd like to go next with her life. Polly's wish to visit the Jane Austen exhibition while inside Mona was touching, as was Mona keeping her promise to her - and finding out that she actually enjoyed it.

I liked the fact that she was beginning to befriend Polly, would have liked to spend more time with her, and was reluctant to eat her - but then just got on with her life as she digested her, and paused only for a moment to think about her when she did her poo, aware that she was unlikely to think about her much again.

Her dealing with Ernest was intriguing. I was surprised, several times, at her acting so professional and avoiding the temptation to harm him, or humiliate him any further than she was doing. Of course, her behaviour made perfect sense, and you managed it very well; it simply highlighted aspects of her personality.

The periodic references to the progress of digestion were a nice touch, keeping us up to date while Mona went through her day.

As far as little details go, I very much liked Mona's idea of lighting up the inside of her stomach for the Colonel, giving him a pleasant surprise. She needn't have done anything for him at that stage, and it says something about her that she went that little extra way to make his experience even more enjoyable. She's come quite a way from the casual eater she was at first. The description of that scene was very evocative, too; it brought to mind something almost like a Christmas tree's lights coming on, a sudden glow lighting up something quite wonderful and very special. And transient, too, since the light was only on for a few moments; I'm sure he appreciated how unique that moment was.

The only small instance of 'criticism' I might have is that I wouldn't have included the line "You can read the full story in “The Vore Restaurant” in my folder" in the story itself. It seemed out of place, and coould have been put in the author's comments section instead.

On a more personal note, I was pleased of course to see mentions of Abena. Sorry she disappointed Tiff, but seven people in her tummy was by far her personal best. ;) I was also pleased and intrigued, of course, by the final line, and the possibilities it raises. Are you thinking of writing about Mona at the IVC?

Anyway: Another fantastic story! Great work, indeed! I enjoyed every moment of reading it, and I know I'll be reading it again.

Posted by bedfordsb 15 years ago Report

Thanks very much, FS! It took ages to write because like many people, I think, I need to be in the mood to write one of these, and some days I only get a few lines done. But at least it's finished at last.

Yes, I wish I hadn't added the reference back to the earlier story - it makes me sound like one of those fiction authors who mention other books they've written.

Tiff wasn't too impressed with Abby's efforts, but she wouldn't have even turned up to the IVC herself. I think Mona would have a better chance of doing well than Abby because she's much more experienced, she's got a strong constitution and a rather large, virtually cast iron stomach. But really I don't suppose any of the contestants can have much idea how successful they might be because on what other occasion might they be able to find up to 50 people ready to be eaten? So it remains to be seen how well, or badly, Mona might fare.

If we wait for me to get round to writing about Mona at the IVC we'll be waiting another year - so if you would like to take up the story I'd be very happy; I'm sure it would be excellent reading as all your stories are

Regards

bedfordsb

Posted by French_snack 15 years ago Report

If Mona's appearance at the IVC is left up to me, we might have to wait another year too... I've got a fairly long list of stories to write (which fluctuates as my moods and priorities vary).

I'm not sure how well I'd be able to write Mona. She's a very distinctive character, and I wouldn't want to underplay or overplay her personality. If you're actually interested in writing it, I'd prefer to leave the story of her IVC appearance to you... until and unless I've worked my way through my other stories, if at that point you'd like me to do it.

She might be able to go there with Abena, by the way, if Abby wants another try. And if the IVC is hosted in the US (which remains to be determined), Patricia has already offered to welcome Abby at her place. Pat will be at the IVC, of course, as will Mitsuko, but Cherry won't (as stated in my story).

Anyway, whichever of us writes it, it would be interesting to see Mona take on the challenge. She's never been faced with a tablefull of 'prey' before; she's only ever interacted with them one-on-one. She should do well, though, even if she's never held more than one person in her stomach at a time. Mitsuko, for instance, hasn't got a particularly large stomach; she just has the willpower and holding capacity to stuff it absolutely full. (If Cherry were willing to go well past her comfort zone, she would do better than Mitsuko.) So if Mona doesn't mind feeling absolutely stuffed, she might give Mitsuko, and even Pat, a real run for the trophy. ;)

Posted by bedfordsb 15 years ago Report

A year ago I don't think Mona would have been at all interested in the IVC, which I suppose is why she didn't go! But she has changed her view about vore since then and now thinks it's a bit of fun rather than just a means of making money. She has done very well financially from her "waitressing" job, of course. So if she was happy that the IVC would be enjoyable, she would be prepared to go. She'd very likely take Abena with her for advice as well.

Like most Australians, she would be out to win, so I suspect that she'd be prepared to stuff herself as full as possible if victory was in sight. So we might be in for an interesting tussle - probably between Mona and Pat.

So I'll see how I get on with some rough storylines, and I'll let you know if it's proving too difficult to write