Posted by Lum_the_mad 14 years ago Report

Mother was right, Chlaenas are completely insane XD Oh god I think that was one of my favorite parts of this story. Oh tentacle monsters, why so crazy? I have never even heard of Chlaenas before, but they may be one of the funnies predators I've ever heard of. They're so simple, they eat, and tentacle molest things up, it's brilliant in it's simplicity! I almost wished it was just a tiny bit smoother, then it might have had a chance of seducing Mina XD. Okay there are so many things about this that I liked, I have a hard time knowing where to start since this was a two parter. Okay I really liked the circle of spell casters you had created, from another world. The different shades of skimpy blue robes signifying their rank, classic! Greed getting the better of Felarya adventurers is one of the things I love most about Felarya, and you excel at using that as a plot tool. Your harpy was so true to Felarya's lore, I almost started to wonder if you were the inspiration for them. Hilde was pretty darn friendly as far as harpies go, even if Mina couldn't completely see that. I'm not sure if that ship had divine intervention from a goddess (at least I think that's what she might have been), but I did almost feel sorry for Mina and Hilde after they had been going through all that planning to take down that ship. I do feel a little bad for one or two of your witches, but really the did have it coming when they decided they didn't want to share with their crew. If they had they may have survived. And that's one of the things that I do really like about your Felarya stories. Most of the time when someone get's vored in Felarya it's poetic justice. You also stay very true to the lore of Felarya from what I've seen, which I think is why Karbo had such respect for your leg envy story. I really loved your battle between Mina and Rachel... although I'm not sure if it's a battle if one side has no fear of being harmed, but I'd still count it as one. Rachel portrayed a lot more wit as far as most newbies to Felarya go, and it sort of makes me wish she might come back in another story. The fact that you had the magic that was weaker, and the magic that was stronger in Felarya is a positive delight to me. Like in part one your necromancer chick, god that had cracked me up for some reason. The way she kept going "Nooo! I'll kill you and devour your soul!" type thing, just... it was really funny XD I really liked how your vore stories are pretty much all linked to each other. Like how this story picked up right where Mina was left off, having her meal stolen. I always love it when I see predators thrown for a loop and prey in the exact same story. Especially when one side is almost certain they have the other right where they want them. Like when Rachel tries to run on the water away from Mina, that just looked so cool in my head! You want your food, you gotta work for it XD Also those robes your witches wore sound really quite sexy, I tend to have a hard time remembering to describe the kind of clothes my characters wear.

Okay, there were soooo many things I liked about the story that I could go on for days, and at that point I might just be summarizing you story. Every single detail just felt like solid gold to me, but I should at least try to come up with some things that you could possibly improve on so... Here are one or two things I think you could potentially have done to make this story better. It was a little hard to tell what kind of weaponry that ship was capable of. I thought you had described it having cannons, but if they had the technology for cannons, why would they use arrows? It seemed like a rather big expensive ship, so I would have expected they'd have had guns if they had cannons. It's hard to say since it's the technology of another world that is much different than ours. I don't know that part seemed a little confusing, but I guess it could have simply been because we were watching it from Mina's point of view. Nerissa admittedly confused the heck out of me, because I figured she must have been some sort of goddess guardian of those people, but if that was the case why did they try to shoot her? Is she actually native to Felarya, and simply feels the need to guide lost sailors home? She was just one giant mystery, it makes me sort of wish you had gone into more detail about her. I really kind of liked her, picking a fight with the Chlaena was pretty darn cool, and it's nice to once in a while have a giant Felarya creature on the side of humans. But like I said, not much was explained about her personally, so she mostly just ended up confusing me to pieces. It would have been nice to see Hilde the harpy get to at least eat one human being, but I suppose she did get Mina's fish which she can't easily get for herself, so it wasn't all bad for her. Honest to god, this story was so darn fabulous I cannot find pretty much any flaws in it. It's your own unique style so most of the things I can think of are just things of personal preference, but even then this story is fabulous! You my good friend are a genius, and this has to be one of my favorite stories you've ever written. Definitely adding it to my favorites.

Posted by PrinnyDood 14 years ago Report

Wow... thank you so much. ^_^
Given the lukewarm response this got on Deviant Art, I had always thought this was one of my weaker offerings. I'm certainly glad you found it so enjoyable. I must admit, the 'showdown' between Mina and Rachel is one of the bits or writing I'm kinda proud of.

Chlaenas are one of the more interesting creatures on the Felarya Wiki (which has a wealth of neat information), what with their bizarre worldview and total unflinching honesty.

Yeah, the tech level of Rachel's people wasn't especially well defined. I was thinking very early guns/cannons, where they are useful weapons, but the kind where reloading was ridiculously slow. Thus a bow and arrow has not yet been completely replaced by firearm weapons. But yeah, that didn't really come through, especially since Mina wasn't that close to the action anyway.

Nerissa is a water elemental, and definitely a Felaryan native. She has a very... different perspectives from the usual predators there. I actually wrote a story focusing on her not too long ago, but haven't uploaded it here since there's no actual vore in it. Maybe I'll make a non-vore folder, since like you said, a lot of these connect to each other, and leaving out the non-vore bits might be confusing at some point.

In any case, thank you very much for the detailed thoughts and feedback. ^_^