Uploaded: 13 years ago
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Olivia and Sydney are best friends, I mean real BFF's, they do everything together. But after one to many drinks and a dare contest to see who gets to sleep on the comfy bed and who sleeps on the hard sofa they will never be the same. Follow the story through all three parts and enjoy the unbirth as it unfolds!
Please, don't be shy about it, critique the hell out of my stuff! I love hearing feedback no matter how much it has to do with my flawed writing and lousy grammar! You can only get better right??
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Posted by fried24 13 years ago Report
theirs a repeat sentence in their might want to revise that if I were you. that is all I've got other than that pretty good.
Posted by yummytummy 13 years ago Report
AhHa found it!! thanks for telling me cause I would have never noticed!
Posted by fried24 13 years ago Report
always here to give advice if you need it.
Posted by Groblek 13 years ago Report
Very nice so far, I look forward to reading the rest as it unfolds. One minor typo - I'm pretty sure you want to start the third paragraph with "It" rather than "I"
Posted by yummytummy 13 years ago Report
Oops! Found it, thanks for telling me! Don't worry the next two installments should follow in the next few days!
Posted by JustTroy 13 years ago Report
Not bad at all. I'll be looking forward to the next couple of parts. The only criticism I could offer would be that it's kinda short. I mean, I get that it's a short story as you said but a little more volume to the story wouldn't hurt. Good job though. ^.^
Posted by yummytummy 13 years ago Report
Thanks :)
Posted by Doragon Shinzui 13 years ago Report
Ah, excellent! Finally some UB where there's no damned pred/prey relationship! Just a couple of friends in it for the lulz!
But yes. Your grammar could use some tightening, but it's late and I don't feel like going through, proofreading the whole thing. Suffice to say, I really enjoyed it and I'm looking forwards to parts 2 on.