I'm always very pleased to see a good new writer join the Portal; welcome indeed! :)
Well-paced, well-written, atmospheric and with sufficient descriptions and context to make it an enjoyable narrative the reader can really get into. The mystery around the girl is nicely done, a touch chilling, though Jack's infatuation and acceptance softens it into something peaceful and relaxing.
A lovely story! At the end, did something magical happen to him, or did he just change from "Please don't kill me!" to "I would die for your happiness" of his own accord?
Also - pointless pedanticism, but it's the only kind of pedantic I get to be: I assume the latin she invoked was meant to be small man? In the vocative, that should be parve vir (or vir parve - or maybe, in this case, vire parve).
Alright, I just consigned myself to commenter hell, but I enjoyed the story all the same!
Posted by French_snack 12 years ago Report
I'm always very pleased to see a good new writer join the Portal; welcome indeed! :)
Well-paced, well-written, atmospheric and with sufficient descriptions and context to make it an enjoyable narrative the reader can really get into. The mystery around the girl is nicely done, a touch chilling, though Jack's infatuation and acceptance softens it into something peaceful and relaxing.
Posted by Antiso 12 years ago Report
Thanks! I've enjoyed your stories for a while so it means alot to hear that from you!
Posted by 4ofSwords 12 years ago Report
A lovely story! At the end, did something magical happen to him, or did he just change from "Please don't kill me!" to "I would die for your happiness" of his own accord?
Also - pointless pedanticism, but it's the only kind of pedantic I get to be: I assume the latin she invoked was meant to be small man? In the vocative, that should be parve vir (or vir parve - or maybe, in this case, vire parve).
Alright, I just consigned myself to commenter hell, but I enjoyed the story all the same!
Posted by Antiso 12 years ago Report
Yeah, it was kind of meant to be an enchantment.
And the latin error! Thanks for pointing that out! I'll edit it when I get the chance!