Posted by Marked 12 years ago Report

Well, I'm really glad I read this story. I'll be frank, I don't get much out of the shota parts of this story. However, this is one of the better written shota stories I've happened upon. And the idea! Incredible! Not only did you come up with a novel vore idea, mixing transformation, reformation and vore together in a way I haven't quite seen before, but your execution was also spotless. You really did justice to the concept in your descriptions of the various colors, flavors and juiciness of the fruits.

You could have taken an easy road and had nothing weird happen to Jer, keeping the story as harmless fun like for his brother. But you went a step further, and both showed why age mattered to the magic and brought the story to a close with a much more meaningful resolution than I expected.

I was thinking, for someone that seems mostly benevolent, Amoun was pretty quick to experiment on the children. But then again I really do like the fact that he isn't all knowing, and is just trying to make the best possible outcome from what was happening. The world he comes from must be really trippy, and I'm still trying to wrap my head around it. And now I'm curious, was there a metaphorical reason you chose fruit for the story?

Regardless, props to you for both the idea and the talent you brought to prove how good an idea it is!

Posted by immortalsane 12 years ago Report

Dang it. Had a whole huge reply, but it went away. Sigh.

Long story short:

I'm glad you enjoyed reading it, knowing that I can write a story that allows people to enjoy beyond a component that is usually "eh" or squick for them is one of the highlights of writing for me.

Is it novel? I honestly assumed that someone had done something like this before. It's been knocking around in my head forever, but I'd always dismissed it as unworkable and unoriginal! Well, unworkable in the ways I'd tried in the past. Glad to know it's not as "same old" as I thought!

Yeah, I definitely didn't want to leave it without developing the idea. The bane of my existence as a reader is stories that end with "and then we ate him" or "and then he was back and we all had a laugh."

Amoun's seeming eagerness is a slight misstep on my part. I intended to portray his blue and orange morality, but I didn't paint him with as much "otherness" as I'd intended to, so it may come off a bit weird.

While I can spot a few metaphors now that I'm looking, and even like a few of them enough to keep them in mind while writing any further stories about Amoun's little orchard, I didn't intentionally write any in.

Honestly, I used fruit because it's what worked and let the story flow after swirling around so long in my head.

Again, glad you enjoyed it!

Posted by immortalsane 12 years ago Report

So, no love for links in comments. Dang. I have become far too accustomed to writing with embedded metatext. This...could be a problem.

Posted by Marked 12 years ago Report

It's true what they say; TvTropes will ruin your life :P

Posted by Marked 12 years ago Report

Well, thinking back on it, I guess I've seen a few food transformation stories around, but none that I really got super excited over. Likewise, I've seen"the little shop that wasn't there yesterday" played out countless times before, but not quite like this. The novelty I was referencing came more from the combination of elements and Amoun's characterization as more benevolent than is typical for stories like this. Yes, his goals and means are a bit alien, but he's a very optimistic soul who seems to care more about the boys that come in than simply exploiting them. He could have some anterior motive perhaps; it seemed like he was some kind of vanguard set on bringing his magical world into our own, but at least he thought it was for our benefit, rather than our detriment. All in all, the story was felt quite fresh (pardon the pun), and just like you said, the fruit let the story flow together really well.

Posted by immortalsane 12 years ago Report

Ahhh, ok. I see where you're coming from now, I hadn't thought of it in the light of an new angle on the way the various element fit together.

As to Amoun's motives...well, more about Amoun's motives in later stories!

Posted by nephilim 12 years ago Report

This! This was very, very interesting. There were some parts that tripped me up and I had to re-read several times to get the gist of what was going on; but, otherwise, I was able to enjoy it.

I was only slightly perturbed by the incest; but I think that was due to the execution, and not so much the premise. Their incestual feelings felt slightly contrived to me - coming out of left field - but, given the length and the purpose of this vignette, it served well enough.

What's interesting, is that Amoun stole the show, completely. He was engaging, fascinating, intriguing. I loved his speech mannerisms, his dialogue, and how he presented himself and his ideas. I just LOVED the high-brow aristocratic style of his speech.

Just as Marked said - the vore was interesting, and I was able to enjoy it from an intellectual standpoint. Your descriptors were fantastic, too.

And this was the best part of the story, hands down: Amoun nodded. "Not entirely too late, then. Your species, as of late, seems to have developed a distressing tendency to ignore the reality around you in favor of a very narrow view of the world. Human young are more open, and have no trouble projecting their perceptions onto me, but the older a human gets the better the chance that they simply cannot see me at all."

Posted by immortalsane 12 years ago Report

First, apologies for anything that tripped you up. I have the horrible combined habits of overwriting, and forgetting that my readers aren't actually in my head with me to see the whole picture.

As to the incest, I actually wrote it for my boyfriend as a V-Day present, but since he's not on Eka, I spaced on putting that in the comment. The point of which is, I call him little brother and he calls me big brother. I'd got it so set in my head that I was going to do an incest story that bad habit number two kicked in and I failed to explain <i>why</i> incest was happening.

I'm glad you like Amoun! He's a blast to write, and he gave me a chance to really push my skills on writing highbrow without ascending to pedantry.

Glad you enjoyed it overall!

Posted by weirdboysandmeatboys 5 years ago Report

Not only is this my favorite story of yours, it is the story that awoke my interest in hard vore and meatboys. I love it so much. It's sweet, loving and hot as hell.

Posted by immortalsane 5 years ago Report

I...I am beyond words. I just read everything you've posted, and the fact that something I wrote started you out...you have a beautiful creative mind, and your shit is incredibly hot. Thank you. Thank you for commenting so I could find your work, thank you for writing, and thank you, thank you for writing WELL.

Posted by weirdboysandmeatboys 5 years ago Report

I'm truly honored you like my work so much. Thank you so much for your lovely comments!

Posted by TheAzureWitch 5 years ago Report

This is such a brilliant concept, and you wrote it so well! I really really enjoyed reading this!