Disclaimer: Assassination Classroom is a manga where a class of misfits learn to kill their teacher, a creature that plans to destroy their world!
 
Of course, I don't own it either.
 
---
 
Today was another day in the life of Class E. Another day of learning, physical education, and trying to kill their teacher. For you see, their teacher is no mere human, not even a human. If the class was allowed to tell you about Koro-Sensei, the most they would give is that he is a smiley face with the body of an alien octopus. He plans to destroy the world within a year, and the only reason no one has killed him is because he can move at Mach 20 and can regenerate his body just as quickly.
 
Today, the class was on their lunch break, and it would have been peaceful had Okajima not approached Kayano.
 
"Kayano, I have an idea to kill Sensei." The class pervert explained his plan. "Koro-Sensei likes sweet stuff a lot, so how about this: Let's disguise some of the girls like chocolate bon-bons, then when Sensei sees them, he'll swallow them whole, and they'll cut him up from the inside-out."
 
"I'm not sure. Sensei was pretty steamed when Terasaka made Nagisa blow himself up in the first week." Kayano pointed out. She then stood up and shouted at Okajima. "And why are you making the girls do it!? Don't tell me you picked the ones with big bon bons!"
 
Nagisa thought about the discussion. "Come to think about it, why haven't we done it yet?"
 
"N-Nagisa!"
 
"I-I don't mean Okajima's plan!" Nagi quickly defended himself. "I just realized that we haven't tried to 'poison' Sensei by hiding the pellets in his snacks."
 
Sugino thought about it. "No, I tried to give him tapioca, boba tea and that one ice cream that comes in little dots, all laced with Anti-Sensei pellets. He managed to finish those and separate the pellets...with a toothpick he whittled from a chopstick."
 
"But you know, Okajima brought up a good point." Karma said as he joined them for lunch. "He'll probably eat up the chocolate girls because they are human-flavored."
 
"That's right." Okajima sagely nodded... "Eh? Human-flavored!? Don't tell me you think Koro-Sensei's a cannibal?"
 
"First, cannibal suggests he's the same race as us." Karma corrected. "Secondly, you watched those films about monsters that are stronger than humans, and they usually eat the humans."
 
"E-even so, Sensei eats a lot of sugar." Sugino pointed out.
 
"Yeah, but maybe because he isn't allowed to eat our blood sugar." Karma joked. "Hell, I bet if we fail to kill him by the end of the year, Class E will be a conveniently packed lunchbox for him."
 
---
 
"Good afternoon, class." Koro-Sensei, who indeed looked like a yellow octopus, had zoomed in through the window. His gown was a stereotype of what academics wore, a black gown with a square graduation hat. The only thing that stood out was an upside-down U on his tie, which did not present the Greek letter Omega but was a reminder that he had made the moon permanently crescent.
 
Koro-Sensei noticed that the students were either not looking at him or were looking at him with a sort of fear. Much like they had been in the beginning of the school year. "Did something happen?"
 
Okuda raised her hand. "U-um, Karma started a rumor that you eat people. That's not true, and even if it is, that counts as harming the students, right?"
 
"It's true." Koro-Sensei admitted. "And it does not harm anyone."
 
"Seriously!?" The class shouted.
 
Koro-Sensei nodded. "Yes, though to be fair, I can eat about anything."
 
Karma smirked from his seat. "Prove it."
 
Koro-Sensei looked down at him. "Very well. I figured you could have learned about the digestive system in today's biology class, but since you are eager to learn about Sensei's body, all I need is a volunteer."
 
The classroom door opened, and their Language teacher Irina stepped in with a cart. "Damn you, you octopus! How can you make a girl like me haul all these fro-"
 
Koro-Sensei grabbed her and quickly shoved her into his mouth before she can even mutter a world. He continued to push her legs further in, and the students could see random lumps where Irina was punching and kicking.
 
"He's like a squirrel and his nuts." Terasaka realized. The class watched with morbid attention as Koro-Sensei swallowed the teacher down his throat and his head shrunk.
 
"Ah, there you go. As you probably deduced, my mouth is able to render a large prey useless. In addition, sound is unable to escape and my saliva acts like a lubricant, ensuring my prey is unable to grasp a weapon properly." Koro-Sensei turns around, showing that Irina was still kicking about in his body. "Now, keep in mind that my body is malleble, so moving her from my mouth to my first stomach does not pain me that much."
 
Takebayashi nudged his glasses. "So what does this first stomach do, and how many stomachs do you really have?"
 
"Oh? I see I let that slip out." Koro-Sensei grabbed an Anti-Sensei knife, the only material that could hurt him, and quickly sliced his chest open. The students saw Irina's head, but then tentacles pulled her back in as the wound closed.
 
Nagisa blinked. "Were those...tentacles?"
 
"You did not think Sensei only had tentacles out here." Koro-Sensei used the blackboard to draw a circle with a stick figure and several more lines grabbing stuff. "Sensei's first stomach is responsible for separating 'food' from 'junk'. In other words, even if you manage to hold onto a knife, you will be disarmed in this stomach."
 
And then the pervert Okajima had to open his mouth. "Wait, does that mean that you stripped Bitch-Sensei and giving her cavity searches?"
 
Koro-Sensei kept his face straight as he added more to his diagram. "Now, foods I like will be sent from Stomach 1 to Stomach A where they will be digested. However, for this demonstration, I will instead send her down to Stomach 2-A."
 
The class watched Koro-Sensei lift one of his foot tentacles, when it seemed to lengthen. A bulge was pushed into it, and the tentacle clung tightly over Irina's struggling body. "Stomach 2 is a collection of sacs that I use to hold excess foods and waste. For me, it is simple to remove one of my limbs instead of going to the bathroom. We can end our lesson here."
 
Karma smirked, as he walked over to the door. "No, you wanted to teach us about your digestive system, so you might as well finish it up.
 
"But I can't just drop my pants in the middle of a classroom!" Koro-Sensei flustered.
 
"You're not wearing pants!" The class reminded him.
 
"Still, there is no way you're making me-" Koro-Sensei gulpped something down. His stomach immediately rumbled. "Okuda! Don't tell me that was Victoria Falls!?"
 
Victoria Falls, a.k.a. an improvised super-laxative.
 
---
 
Seconds later, Koro-Sensei was crouching in the corner. He had to vacate Irina from his storage stomach into his bowel, which coated waste in lots of mucus to ensure that whatever harmful material he ingested would pass through him harmlessly. In the other corner of the classroom, Irina grunted. Not only had she been stripped and eaten, but the mucus had cocooned her, leaving her as a egg-shaped mass with only her head exposed. She was unable to stand up, let alone move, and she could not remove the mucus after it dried out.
 
"Sensei cannot believe he had to release his bowels in front of the classroom." Koro-Sensei whined. "And you tried to kill me too. What kind of students are you?"
 
"To be fair, it seems that Victoria Falls did not impair your speed." The resident fixed artillery system Ritsu analyzed her data. "It seems that Bitch-Sensei did not impair the use of your tentacles either, and your speed only dropped by 0.01%, which is equivalent to the data I gathered when you carried Karma and Nagisa. In short, there is no comparable advantage."
 
Koro-Sensei nodded. "True, and in fact, if you have forced me to go into my ultimate defense, Irina would have been forced into that stomach and converted into energy. That's why I will not eat you."
 
"It's not just that. It's that we're not a better meal anyway." Kayano realized. "You eat sweets for the sugar, which you can break down into energy. For us, you not only had to disarm us but remove our bones and hair from your body. We cost more energy than you get from us."
 
Koro-Sensei grinned. "The net gain of energy from your body is the same if I ate your weight in candy, but the latter tastes better. This also applies to assassination: You must consider the payout between a complex plan or a simple plan if they both have similar objectives."
 
The bell from the main building lightly rang. "Oh? It seems that school has ended. Now, don't forget anything."
 
Koro-Sensei jetted out of the classroom. The students packed up and left, and the lights were turned off.
 
---
 
"Damn it! They left me!" Irina "Bitch-Sensei" wiggled around in her egg-shaped cocoon. "I...I can't even tip myself over."
 
"Oh, I knew I forgot something." Karma walked back into the classroom. He picked up Irina, placed her on a cart, and then wheeled her out.
 
"Ah, Karma, I guess you're not as bad as you make yourself out." Irina smiled as they entered the gym equipment room. "You're going to cut me out, right?"
 
Karma thought it over. "Hm, we need to see if that cocoon breaks down on its own, and we can't just leave you exposed in the classroom. Government secret, remember. I guess we'll just wait until Koro-Sensei or Karasuma-Sensei say we should release you, and they're gone for the day. In fact, they're probably gone for the weekend."
 
"...Karma! When I get out, I'm shoving you in the octopus's a-MPH!" Karma shoved a discarded gym sock into her mouth and wrapped some tape to keep her from spitting it out.
 
"Come on, it's difficult for me to explain why I would bring a teacher bound in an alien cocoon to my house, not to mention how I would do that in the first place, so this is the next best solution. But don't worry, I'll make sure you won't be bored, and not in the way Okajima would have preferred." Karma was glad he "won" those prizes back at the summer festival. He placed the earphones and VR googles on Irina's head and then taped them so they won't fall off. He hooked the cables to a laptop, which was plugged into a wall to ensure it would not be running out of power. He opened up a video as he stacked the wooden frames of the vaulting horse over her cocoon.
 
Oh, he was not cruel to make her watch scary movies for three days straight. He didn't want her to dye from a heart attack or choke on her vomit. Instead, he had chosen a cute cat video, one about a pixilated poptart cat. He didn't know why Irina was trying to scream her head off, but he placed the top on the frames and then locked the equipment room behind him as he headed home for the weekend.
 
That video was an hour long and was set on repeat.