Not bad, but the language you use is very strange. The masturbation scene sounds like an engineer describing how a machine works.
"... she applied pressure to her pleasure centre ... The friction was causing her vaginal walls to clench, along with the
muscles around her stomach. Her pleasure was increasing exponentially ..."
It's very dry and technical, and I don't think this sort of language is suitable for smut.
I'm looking at changing it. I didn't realize that the pdf wasn't going to integrate properly. Should be changing it in the next few days. Thanks for the heads up!
Posted by juicefox 9 years ago Report
Not bad, but the language you use is very strange. The masturbation scene sounds like an engineer describing how a machine works.
"... she applied pressure to her pleasure centre ... The friction was causing her vaginal walls to clench, along with the
muscles around her stomach. Her pleasure was increasing exponentially ..."
It's very dry and technical, and I don't think this sort of language is suitable for smut.
Posted by Kuhlari 9 years ago Report
Thanks for the feedback and taking the time to read the story.
Posted by thirdspurs 9 years ago Report
Could you please not use PDF? It doesn't integrate with the site and makes it impossible to read on some devices
Posted by Kuhlari 9 years ago Report
I'm looking at changing it. I didn't realize that the pdf wasn't going to integrate properly. Should be changing it in the next few days. Thanks for the heads up!