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So this is my first ever vorefic. I've been reading and *ahem* enjoying vore for many years but this is my first time giving something back to the community. With as popular as Undertale is and as popular as vore is I have been somewhat disappointed by the lack of good Toriel vore out there (especially with regard to stories). I would love to hear what you guys think and I welcome all thoughtful critiques and constructive criticism.
This originally existed as an interactive story I was writing (and may someday go back to) here on Eka's. I literally copied and pasted all the relevant chapters into a word doc, reformatted it, and did some quick editing to make sure it made sense still. You can skip past all the boring bits at the beginning and cut straight to the "good stuff" if you'd like (it kicks off around halfway through, after she feeds you pie). I only included them so the story would feel more like a complete whole.
Bonus points to anyone who spots the awful vore pun in this. It fell into my head as I was writing and I knew I would have no choice but to include it. This is Undertale, after all. Finally, a shout out goes to ejones312. I drew a lot of inspiration from his story here ---> http://aryion.com/g4/view/323881.
The thumbnail for this story was made by the wonderful and very talented LeoKatana of DeviantArt. Check out her page here: http://leokatana.deviantart.com/!
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Posted by Chaos 8 years ago Report
Impressive first story, your writing is very descriptive.
Posted by booleanTrue 8 years ago Report
Thank you so much for reading! I'm glad you enjoyed it!
Posted by ejones312 8 years ago Report
Sir/Madam. I am deeply flattered that I inspired your Toriel vore story. I hope to see another vore story from you soon. In the meantime, keep writing away to your heart's desire.
Posted by booleanTrue 8 years ago Report
Your story is what made me realize that there was only one good vore story with her out there and I knew I had to change that. This story would not have been possible without you! Thank you for reading and for the kind words (as well as the fave). Yours has been on my favorites list since the first time I read it. Thank you thank you thank you!
Posted by chimcharinsanity 8 years ago Report
Heh, Partners in Chyme xD good one,I'm a sucker for a good pun ;)
Posted by booleanTrue 8 years ago Report
Thank you for reading the story and I'm glad you liked the pun as well. It was simply too perfect to pass up.
Posted by chimcharinsanity 8 years ago Report
Partners in chyme also sounds like the name of a song I like, partners in crime. Maybe that's what inspired the pun? who knows lol :p
Posted by booleanTrue 8 years ago Report
Well there's the phrase "partner in crime" used to refer to two people or things that always get into trouble together. I repurposed it to be two people or things that are going to get eaten/digested together.
Posted by chimcharinsanity 8 years ago Report
Aah, well I understood the pun, but I guess I was just incorrect on the origins of it xD
Posted by booleanTrue 8 years ago Report
Woops. Sorry. I hope I didn't come across as condescending.
Posted by chimcharinsanity 8 years ago Report
Not in the least, bud :)
Well, good story none the less. I was expecting this story to take a different route, however. I was pleasantly surprised lol
I thought that upon frisk trying to leave the ruins and refusing, toriel would eat him/her to "keep him/her safe" in her eyes.
Not a complaint in the least, just explaining what I meant.
Once again, great story ^^'
Posted by booleanTrue 8 years ago Report
A story where she eats Frisk or another child to "keep them safe" would fall more under endosoma, in my opinion. At the very least it would have to have knowing reformation in it. The reason she's okay eating you in this is because you are an adult and doing so will prevent a greater conflict (in her eyes, anyway). And thank you once again.
Posted by chimcharinsanity 8 years ago Report
Wow, I somehow managed to overexplain it, yet not explain it well enough at the same time.. I didn't mean, 'keep them safe' as in not let them die, but 'keep them safe' as in not letting them get eaten by another monster in the underground who would be very rough about it and likely torment, or tease, them beforehand. In her eyes the monsters out there would likely be very forceful about eating them, whereas she would be gentle and caring to them in the final moments.
'they're gonna die anyways... maybe I can at least make it pleasant for them?"
Sorry if this was long winded lol
Posted by booleanTrue 8 years ago Report
That is a... good concept. Too bad it would involve underage.
Posted by MisterEbony 8 years ago Report
This is just my opinion but underage does not mean it has to be sexual. Though I must admit underage permadeath is a little unnerving there are times when it fits.
Still... im not sure how I felt about this story tbh. Its good, just.... not sure on the permadeath.
Posted by booleanTrue 8 years ago Report
I don't really think of any kind of fatal vore as being sexual. I personally find it to be a sexy concept, but in-universe it is not meant to be anything of the sort. When it comes to underage prey I am fine with non-fatal and even digestion if there's reforming. Additionally, I prefer the pred for an underage prey to be kind and gentle (like Toriel) rather than nasty and cruel. Underage prey are preferably willing to unwilling as well.
When you say you aren't sure about this story are you talking about the actual story these comments are on or the concept we were discussing? If it's the former then that's simply a matter of preference. Some people just don't like fatal vore. I do. Live and let live, I say. No one is forcing you to read or look at fatal vore stuff.
Posted by MisterEbony 8 years ago Report
Point taken. But dont get me wrong though. I did enjoy the story I swear.
Posted by booleanTrue 8 years ago Report
While I'm always happy to hear that someone enjoyed my writing there is no need for you to do or say so. You have every right to not like my story or to prefer non-fatal. I apologize if I came across as angry or irritated about your comment; I am not.
Posted by BirbleBuddy 8 years ago Report
For a premise that's inherently out of character for Toriel, you manage to keep her surprisingly in-character. Major props there! On top of that, I really enjoyed the slow buildup, both before the vore and during it. You've seriously got some writing chops too, with immersive descriptions and clever wordplay.
If I had to think of a single criticism, there were a few spots where it seemed like there was some thesaurus syndrome - using complex words where simple ones would easily do. "Bolus" and "mastication" in particularly stuck out to me. Otherwise, nothing's wrong with this story, and a lot of things are right with it.
Needless to say, I deeply enjoyed this. Hope to see more from you in the future!
Posted by booleanTrue 8 years ago Report
Your kind words have made me into a ball of squee. I'm thrilled that you enjoyed the story and even more that you took the time to give it a critique! Thank you!
On the subject of "thesaurus syndrome", that is something I try to keep a handle on. I have a slight fear of overusing the same words or descriptions (or of my writing being boring and unvaried) so perhaps I overcorrected a little. Still, I didn't find anything to be too jarring during my proofread so I left things as they were.
I am currently working on another story but I've been dragging my feet on it all month. Feedback like this inspires me to keep writing. Thank you once again!
Posted by BirbleBuddy 8 years ago Report
Mraw, glad I made your day! Always happy to give a fellow writer a boost; everyone loves comments, not enough people are willing to give them. =3
And yeah, I know that feeling. I was taught in gradeschool to avoid word repetition, like most people. What school didn't make clear, or just didn't know, is that such advice is for writing reports, not writing a narrative. In a narrative, a repeated word won't be as jarring to a reader as a word that doesn't feel like it belongs. By no means dumb down your writing, but the way the words flow together should always be top priority. Not to argue with you or anything, just, giving some writing advice.
Again, you did a genuinely great job on this piece, and I'm glad you're going to continue writing! I look forward to that next story! ^.^
Posted by RoboMax 8 years ago Report
No problem. It was an enjoyable read.
Posted by GilPix 6 years ago Report
A very finely written story with good progression and descriptive actions.
Toriel has found her new purpose to save the Underground
Posted by DevilSCHNED 5 years ago Report
Made an account specifically to comment on this. Love this story! And, even if she wasn't sad in the end, I still liked how she seemed a doubtful or sorrowful/gentle when they were shrunken. The doubt might have just been the taste of the human, lmao. Still, good story! I always come here when I need something done.