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First and foremost, this is my half of a trade I’m doing with my friend BlueMarvel611 also check out his work. So while I did plan on doing a lot of non-Pokémon stories for some time to give it a rest, this isn’t typically what I usually write about regarding that (and you all know why). Oh yeah, I’ll probably start considering doing trades with people. People whose work I like though, not just anybody. That last part is important, pay very close attention to it.
After being convinced to go on a vacation, former Kanto Elite Four member Lorelei winds up at the recently opened Lavaridge Hot Springs Resort. However, an error forces her and Kalos Elite Four member Malva to share their experience together. Unfortunately, it goes awry and surely you know exactly what the end result is going to be.
And that’s all I have to say, aside from I hope this turned out how you wanted BM. I do have to say, I feel I could have done better with this, but I hope it’s not bad at all.
Thumbnail can be found here.
Lorelei, Malva, and all things Pokémon belong to Game Freak.
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Posted by BlueMarvel611 7 years ago Report
Hey DSC, good to see you finally putting up this fanfiction. It was something that I looked forward to. Mostly due to helping me in my current situation in life. Want to know something for I almost got one of my fanfictions up but life keeps getting in the way. That and anxious for me to finally get to work along with other important things happening in my life. But on with the review.
Okay to start off you really described Lorelei's character well in this one, man. I mean I never would have thought of putting that much effort into Lorelei's character like with how you compared her to Misty. Not to mention how you described her career as someone running a Pokemon Reserve for the Lapras. Good thinking there to add that to her character. Nice touch with her having admirers of the Pokemon Fan Club helping her out with said career...that and adding my character's name there as cameo too. XD Anyways, a good way to lead into this story's main plot. Specifically her needing a vacation due to her assistants insisting that she do so.
Which leads us all to the present where Lorelei and Malva meet. Nice with how you described a little on Lavaridge Hot Springs Resort and how it's built a bit before moving on with the plot. Also good job of keeping their character descriptions brief and to the point. I felt that it helps to grab readers' attention. Also nice of how you describe Malva's own situation involving the stress of her being involved with Team Flare as well as the scandal that spread about her. Brief and to the point. Not to mention with how both she and Lorelei ended up having to share the same bedroom with one another. Having trainers of their opposing elements is something that's bound for trouble. XD
Anyways on with the event itself as it seemed tamed at first...that was when Lorelei stared at Malva and annoyed her. I could already tell at the time that it wasn't going to end well for her. For Malva at least. When Lorelei mentioned about hearing about Malva's exploits. Oh boy did she cross the line...and with Lorelei that is. One quick movement later and Malva's an Elite Meal for a female Elite. Though nice way with how you were able to describe Malva's flavor as Lorelei was tasting her while devouring her whole. When finished Lorelei really enjoyed having to devour her polar opposite...not to mention be filled with her too. At the end Malva ended up becoming part of Lorelei...and in all the right places too. Not to mention what she plans to do after her vacation.
All in all this was a very good read for me to look at man. I thoroughly enjoyed the sights as well as seeing Lorelei managing to be on top of her competition. Plus a hot spring scenario with two Pokemon ladies is always enjoyable to read about too. I really do hope that you will be able to go on with more works like these man. Keep up the good work.
Elias Azule
The Blue Marvel
Posted by DeadStrategicCactus 7 years ago Report
Glad I delivered, looking forward to reading your story whenever you get around to getting it up.
I wanted to try and address a possibility of Lorelei's fate after Gen 1 considering she and Agatha are up and gone from the E4 without any reasoning behind it aside from the obvious retirement for Agatha. Thankfully with FR/LG they gave a small sidequest that looked into Lorelei outside of the E4 so I went off of that. Sadly, Gen 1 wasn't nice to Lorelei as pretty much 90% of her team are also Water types so viewing her as a tougher version of Misty can't be helped, especially since going off of official art Misty's hair seems to be a shade leaning towards orange. Maybe if she became an E4 member in a different region and changed her team up she'd fare better? Regardless, I'm glad you enjoyed that mention of Elias, I always love making nods in my works and try to make as many as I can without getting carried away with it.
I always found it weird how Lavaridge never built a full on hot springs resort, I feel they would have as that'd be a great tourist attraction for the town and really make it stand out on Hoenn, but I digress. The fact Malva was never booted off of the Kalos E4 roster amazes me. She flat out admits she's a member of Team Flare and everyone in Kalos becomes aware of them being completely evil. Oh well, I'm just chalking that one up to Team Flare's atrocious writing affecting everything. It's stuff like that that just makes me shake my head at GameFreak.
I figured all things considered Malva would be really easy to set off along with Lorelei knowing that too and what to say to make it happen. I figure I'd give Lorelei some good treatment considering GameFreak's probably not going to her any. I'm glad you enjoyed this and that it didn't seem rushed at all, was a little worried I had skipped out on a few areas. Also there needs to be more Hot Spring settings for stories and fics, it just leads to good things happening.