Posted by Philosoraptor 5 years ago Report

I thought this was a clever and well-written sci-fi story but thought a few things seemed a bit too cartoonish and implausible for my liking; even though it is far easier to do virtually anything on an alien world where what we know of biology doesn't have to make sense there. On the other hand the way creatures develop on earth could be a 'blueprint' for life anywhere - much as we see in Avatar with clear reptilian and mammalian species - though not exactly like are own due to this planet's differences to our world. Therefore I didn't care much for half reptile half tentacled mollusks with two heads that have formidable armor on their fronts that can deflect sophisticated space age weaponry yet no more effective than the chocolate 'armour' that covers a marshmallow Easter bunny when struck by an organic blade on the end of a tentacle. And of course the won't have any protection on their backs - just like every dragon must have the obligatory 'weak spot' in every fantasy b-novel and video game. The garbled mix of unintelligible phrase seemed perfect for video game comic relief - but what is the point of having an ability to talk like a human if the phrases to not make since. Since might be more convincing if they were robots with malfunctioning communicators. And also with their space age technology it seems highly unlikely that the treachery of the human traitors would not have been transmitted off the planet which the colonists would have to know thus making the rebellion seem totally pointless and destined to fail when reinforcements with the technology to blow up the whole planet came back for revenge. With your love for tentacles I would have made the aliens pure mollusks which can still have both tentacles and chitinous armor and offensive weapon as seen in creatures like the ammonites of the Jurassic seas of our own planet. I wouldn't give them reptilian scales at all. But these are all things that could be easily fixed - and the main theme of the human female soldier being transformed into a hideous human devouring alien monster but still retain her human mind and loyalties is a good one that begs a sequel - eventually a manga and ultimately its own movie. Thanks for sharing!

Posted by VividLucidity 5 years ago Report

Okay, wow, this is quite the information overload here. Anyway, having read through your points, I have the following comment to your well ... comment.

"Reality Doesn't Write The Plot, Plot Writes The Reality."

I just wrote what I felt like, and didn't really care for much else.

"formidable armor on their fronts that can deflect sophisticated space age weaponry yet no more effective than the chocolate 'armour' that covers a marshmallow Easter bunny when struck by an organic blade on the end of a tentacle"
Actually, I have an explanation for that which I just thought of! In terms of armour vests, stab vest and bullet-proof vests are two completely separate things, and aren't effective at each others roles. A stab vest won't save you from a bullet, and a bullet proof vest won't save you from a knife. So it's plausible their armour is engineered to protect against human firearms, but not against each other.
As for the whole human phrases thing, it was an idea I had to make them sound even creepier. And in my mind, it does make sense. They assigned meaning to the phrases, even if it has nothing to do with the original meaning. For us humans, the phrase "How do you do?" is considered a greeting. They just took that pattern of vocalisations and decided: "This expresses surprise and shock at something." or something. It is somewhat similar to the "Chinese Room" thought experiment. As for why they sometimes overlap their sentences or say them backwards, it's because that sounded creepier. My justification for it is that the words got jumbled when they digested it from brains.
As for their appearances, I just went nuts. I wanted to make crazy things that were creepy. My feelings about the species is that they're just a mish-mash genetic soup with legs.
As for the whole communication thing, it was a silent conspiracy by the colonists. They kept to themselves and revealed themselves when the time was right. That's not too far of a stretch to explain.

Posted by Philosoraptor 5 years ago Report

You evidently misunderstood my take on the last point you mentioned above. I meant the betrayal that resulted in this first attack would have been futile from the start as a message would likely be relayed to a mother ship or home base before they were wiped out and the rebels and aliens would probably be powerless against the full forces of the federation or whatever it was that the military group was part of when they came back in greater strength to avenge their comrades.

these were just suggestions if you ever expand on it. Like I said before the basic idea is a good one.

Posted by VividLucidity 5 years ago Report

Oh, yeah, you're right. My bad. Uhhhhh, the colonists not only jammed the soldier's communication, but also used stolen equipment to impersonate them and send back an all clear message, making the federation think that nothing went wrong.

Posted by Somdudewillson 4 years ago Report

"Actually, I have an explanation for that which I just thought of! In terms of armour vests, stab vest and bullet-proof vests are two completely separate things, and aren't effective at each others roles. A stab vest won't save you from a bullet, and a bullet proof vest won't save you from a knife. So it's plausible their armour is engineered to protect against human firearms, but not against each other."

I know this is an old comment, but this difference is only applicable to 'soft' armor like a so-called bulletproof vest, not hard armor plates.

Posted by Slimshod 5 years ago Report

That was indeed a very different story but I enjoyed it. Very interesting development and ending. Nicely done.

Posted by VividLucidity 5 years ago Report

Thank you. And yes, it was quite "different".