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Meet the Fairwarnings - Fiona By maleperduis -- Report

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Fiona Fairwarning, née Clearwarren. Loving mother, devoted housewife, pillar of the local community. Just a few of the organisations she sits on the board of:

Neighbourhood Watch:- Under her leadership, every blind corner and predation hotspot in the neighbourhood has been scoped out and meticulously documented. Prey who are concerned about the risk of predation need only ask and she'll provide them with a copy or- better yet- take them on a tour and show them where they are herself. She's also involved in a long-term scheme to improve how efficiently the Watch allocates its resources. For now, that's still in the data collection stage, and she highly encourages all local prey to fill in her survey about when and where they're most likely to be alone and vulnerable to predators.

Parent Teacher Association:- Fiona has spearheaded the fight against excessive health-and-safety red tape at the local high school, which is attended by her son, Flynn. Plans to "cut into the valuable recreation time of students" (introducing more hall monitors), "add to the maze of pointless rules that impede, rather than enhance the educational environment" (ban burlap sacks), and "squander teaching resources on untested off-curriculum material" (teach predation-safety lessons) were all fiercely opposed and beaten by a Fiona-led PTA. She also volunteers to help organise field trips, school plays, and other events.

Homeowners Association:- Fiona has helped solidify the HA's commitment to diversity, particularly in ensuring that prey species are represented in the local community proportionately to the general population. It's a constant uphill struggle, since prey often disappear within days or weeks of moving into the area. It's a cause that is particularly close to her heart ("below, and a little to the left", as she's fond of saying) because the highest rate of prey resident turnover is on her own street. Additionally, she has led the campaign to improve privacy by providing grants to build fences or grow hedges to block out views of ground floor windows. Fortunately, her role in the Neighbourhood Watch allowed her to remain highly sensitive to safety concerns caused by lower visibility. She has been diligent in avoiding any conflicts of interest by not applying for a grant herself, and so her own home has an unobscured view of the street.

Fiona is also active in local charity work, organising fundraising events like sponsored runs and bake sales. She particularly favours extreme long-distance races, where participants collect donation pledges based on how far they manage to make it before quitting from exhaustion. She is always on hand to record the distances each runner managed to achieve, and to provide them with water and a nice cosy burlap sack to rest in. For the less athletically inclined, her bake sales give everyone the chance to take part. Some contribute their own culinary creations, others just pledge assistance or ingredients. Veterans of her bake sales know to always read the small print, though, otherwise they might just find that the ingredients they've pledged are their own family.

For Fiona, though, all of her communal work will always come second to the two most important people in her life: her husband Floyd, and her son Flynn. She and Floyd are as head-over-heels in love now as they were when they first met, and to this day nothing can make this vixen's heart flutter like scheming together with him. His cunning, deviousness and ability to twist people's emotions around his finger with little more than a lingering look are the most romantic traits Fiona can imagine. As a fox, she views romance as a kind of wonderful mutual delusion, willingly entered into, and nobody can manipulate her into such unalloyed happiness as Floyd-- or she him.

But her pride and joy is Flynn. She still remembers the happy grin on his face when he told his first lie, still has his little childhood burlap sack stashed away in the attic, still has the scraps of clothing and coughed-up bone from his first few meals (the ones she used to keep stuck to the fridge). Now, as a teenager and young adult, he's a prolific predator in his own right, and her heart swells every time she picks up the phone and explains to one of her neighbours how cleverly he tricked, trapped and devoured their daughter. She's taught him everything she knows about outfoxing the unwitting and she knows that long after her fur is streaked with grey, he'll be out in the world with a family and legacy of his own, depriving prey of theirs.

In her spare time, Fiona enjoys mornings jogs with Floyd, reading, cooking, burlap embroidery, and genealogy. She has traced her maiden name, Clearwarren, all the way back to Frederick Clearwarren, a pest controller of some renown. His name is mentioned in a number of history books as the inventor of a new method of trapping native rabbits which he neglected to tell his employers about during his lifetime, allowing him to bill weeks of work for what took little more than a day. Only one rabbit is known to have ever eluded Frederick- by virtue of being away from home when he cleared her warren- and Fiona now also traces this rabbit's family tree, taking the opportunity whenever she travels to hunt down any of her descendants who are local.

Quote: "I really am sorry about what happened to your daughter. We simply must have you and your family over to dinner to apologise. No, no... I insist."

At long last, I've gotten around to writing up introductions for my predatory vulpine suburbanite family, so you can officially meet the Fairwarnings! Look forward to reading more about their schemes and antics in the future.

Artwork by  Humbug whose designs helped bring these characters to life.

Comment on Meet the Fairwarnings - Fiona

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Posted by ChaoskampfNunc 1 year ago Report

God I love her so much


Posted by maleperduis 1 year ago Report

Glad to hear it! She's a charmer.


Posted by ChaoskampfNunc 1 year ago Report

Honestly all the Fairwarnings are great, she just manages to push my buttons the most. The combination of smug, tauting and coy along with her almost sadistic enjoyment of her prey's struggling really sets me off


Posted by Bright 1 year ago Report

She has good fashion sense.

I like the description of her. Seems like she's got a good hold around the neck of the neighbourhood.


Posted by maleperduis 1 year ago Report

Thanks! Humbug did a great job designing her outfit.

And yes, whenever she sees an opportunity to help her community, she's sure to seize it by the jugular.


Posted by Humbug 1 year ago Report

The Fairwarnings are so great. :D


Posted by maleperduis 1 year ago Report

Thanks in no small part to you!


Posted by Humbug 1 year ago Report

Haha, thanks. :D


Posted by Aviannapper 1 year ago Report

Aww she's so beautiful!