Posted by Entirely_Logical 4 years ago Report

As a businessman, Towro should've been aware enough to always read the fine print, though I suppose that not doing so is what got him into this mess to begin with. I do feel like I'd like to see more of this family, particularly how the son reacts to the knowledge that his mother's old friend and who she calls his godmother is the one who consumed his father.

Seeing the story from Towro's perspective, even after his death, is an interesting touch. It's good to know that his feelings for her survived even that. This being a pre-refabrication story, knowing that the technological and cultural disparity - as also shown in We Wretched Creatures - between nations was already growing at that time is also interesting.

You've dumped quite a bit on us over the last few days, and while I certainly appreciate reading it, I do hope you're taking care of yourself.

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Posted by ObsidianSnake 4 years ago Report

Towro seized opportunities with reflexive speed. That's what was always getting him into both trouble. Maershe knew exactly what to put in front of him to extract his compliance. She also did directly say what the nature of it was. If there was a trick, it was one that Towro was playing on himself.

For what it matters, Verria is where the refabrication system, amd many of the foundational technologies and techniques required for it, was originally tested. This November, I will be exploring exactly that, so I will withhold any more details for now.

Hmm, yes, I did seem to write a lot of prose in a brief time. I am currently in a rest cycle, I assure you.

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Posted by fire238 4 years ago Report

I am angry, and I don't have the words to describe it.

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Posted by VampireBunny 3 years ago Report

I like how the prey is such absolute idiot but it's a realistic and believable kind of idiot. Being so idealistic that you're overly trusting of danger, even when said danger doesn't even try to deceive you, is surprisingly common. Like when people try to hitchhike through dictatorships and terrorist camps, it's still tragic but as a story it makes it very satisfying to the reader when there's a sense of "What did you think was going to happen dumbass?"
I chuckled when he momentarily forgot about the danger and terror he is facing as prey to virtue signal about how brave and progressive he is for supporting anti-prey opinions, and then switches to fear again when he's reminded of his fate. It let's you subconsciously imagine someone who is the exact opposite of him, an intelligent prey with a keen eye that doesn't let themselves be tricked and does all they can to fight back against predatory terror. But even better here is that there's not even a trick, Maershe is hypocritical because she tries to somehow deny that eating people to death is "killing people" but otherwise she's entirely honest and open, you honestly feel for her as she sighs at trying to get the truth through his head of what he just agreed to. I feel like this would have been much better following her as the protagonist, because it would have added a satisfying "Finally" feeling to when the deed is done, instead it's hard to read through the eyes of and relate to someone this stupid that they act against their own interests this badly. But it is extremely satisfying to see it happen to them. It's the same schadenfreude that makes cartoon characters getting slapstick'd by their own traps an all time classic.
But what makes this good is that even that hypothetical, "opposite" prey character I mentioned, and anyone like me who would wholeheartedly support them, would probably like to see Towro get gulped here for this, trusting a promise that was never made, after being told the exact opposite of that idea in his head. This is how you write something in a way to make all kinds of readers, who may have all kinds of opinions, all pretty much nod their head and say "yeah that made perfect sense". It's the kind of thing I try to do. My personal story character is someone who became a prey resistance leader, but ended up getting witch-hunted and persecuted by his own side so he ends up going "Y'know what? " I hope that stuff like that is able to make any reader able to understand a character's alignment, because that's what's important. If they don't have a good reason why someone is aligned the way they are, beyond them just following their nature, they will end up just seeming nothing but cruel and shallow when they end up hurting other characters people also like.

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Posted by VampireBunny 3 years ago Report

Eka's messed with my comment for some reason with formatting, what I wrote was: "so he ends up going "Y'know what? (Switch teams)"

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Posted by VampireBunny 3 years ago Report

Also I'm realizing my comment was a long tangent and I should have made it much shorter. I normally don't feel really interested in some of your stories because it feels like it has an extreme writers bias in favor of the predators out of the two sides. but I think this story is a perfect example of a way to make things feel fair and balanced and therefore engaging to continue reading.

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Posted by ObsidianSnake 3 years ago Report

I normally dislike sub-threading like this, but... I'm gonna do it anyway, as a treat.

I'm guilty of typing many screen-fillers myself, so long comments are entirely welcome here. :)

Any bias toward predators in my stories should be attributed toward a love for dommy predators with parental proclivities. I will not apologize for that! Strangely, the stories that have been more from prey characters' perspectives have been the most provocative, judging by the temperature of the responses.

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Posted by VampireBunny 3 years ago Report

All I was saying by bringing up bias is that it can make stories boring. It's why a lot of people find it hard to read about superman dying for the #15th time, when every reader knows he will be resurrected again next week. Because it's extremely obvious DC would have a bias for his success, so the drama can become stale. When stuff like that is obvious to the audience it feels like you've already read it before you even have.

I really disagree with the idea that those stories being provocative is strange, it's just how things normally work. When you make a character the protagonist, you are psychologically asking your reader to seek aspects of themselves that align with the protagonist. It's why the Joker movie is executed so well, because everybody can relate to his feelings and expirances in some way, even if they aren't mentally unstable enough to commit violence over it. Likewise, everybody has something they can be worried about getting in trouble with others for, so the feeling of being hunted comes even more naturally than just our instincts as descendants of cavemen fleeing from wolves in the wild.
So people are going to, without even trying to, be forced to imprint their reason upon the characters who might end up just getting lynched randomly for what seems to their perspective like no reason. But that's why I was complimenting this story because it gives really great reasons.

Oh! Actually I just realized the perfect explanation. This reminds me so much when I was a younger kid and I saw this animation: https://youtu.be/nfLS4nt5aQw
It's a funny joke but I really do think this could be shown in school as a great example of how powerful perspective is. Like obviously who's going to care about killing a goombah in mario. Yet all you have to do to invert that is change the perspective.

Also, I disagree with that about "large-scale works" Because some of my favorite fiction follows individuals who's character, loyalties, and motivations really shine and show in those situations where they have to make big decisions on what is the best thing to do, instead of just reacting to the events of their own life. For example the character I mentioned, in my profile picture, made the mistake in thinking that because he had found a home with others who share a radical opinion, that they would also accept any and all other controversial aspects of his soul. Which let's both characters have a natural way and good reason to "feel betrayed" by the other, when they end up going against each other in the future.

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Posted by ObsidianSnake 3 years ago Report

Towro wasn't supposed to seem like an idiot, but instead conceited, dangerously over-confident, and most importantly desperate. At some level, he knew, and he consented anyway, because it would produce one of the best possible outcomes given his situation.

Okay, but maybe he is an idiot, too, for making enemies with the most powerful mob boss in the world, putting his loved ones in danger, which is a culmination of a lifetime of overly-impulsive antics.

A few people have suggested that Maershe should have been the viewpoint character in one way or the other. There could have been a valid story there, however, that's not the one I chose to write. I thought that Towro's side of the arc was far more interesting.

I feel like I should say that I'm not interested in writing large-scale works centered around armies of predator and prey clashing for dominance. It doesn't readily produce the kind of character dynamics that I'm looking to explore. That said, I think a lot of people do like those kinds of stories! I'm surprised that's not a more common genre.

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Posted by Vulpini18 1 year ago Report

I really liked it when Maershe talked about how many prey shes had, for some reason that sort of talk is just perfect for me.

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