Posted by Cruich 3 years ago Report

Thank you for at least providing a means of downloading the story in a format other than PDF. I'm not reading on mobile, but almost anything's better than PDF.

Posted by lllll1337 3 years ago Report

No prob! I love PDFs myself, but I recognize that not everyone likes 'em.

Posted by Cruich 3 years ago Report

That's good. Everyone wins!

Posted by MidNightOwlArt 3 years ago Report

Bravo bravo!! (Claps vigorously)

Absolutely the best story i ever read!
So much detail on everything i love it!

I don’t know if you seen yet but i did put a cool idea about Ash WANTING to get eaten by Dawn with May inside.
What I mention is on your second story of this.
Or look up the PM i sent you with all the details.

Anyways i love the story! ^__^
Thank you for making this.

Posted by lllll1337 3 years ago Report

Thanks again!

I did see that, yeah - sorry, I just kinda forgot to respond to the PM xD

Posted by TrainerKatrine 3 years ago Report

I'm left without a word, not even a sentence, to properly describe how pleased I am with this. As a certain bluenette might say... My compliments to the chef~
The only thing I'm left at where I feel split.. Is disposal or not. In such a well made story, would it benefit or take away?
I'm sure you knod of Lampton, one of the top artists (in my opinion) on the entire site, always working to improve his art.. And he is one of the only people who I never luster to see disposal from, and I'm many ways, I think I'd even find it to take away from the picture. Implied is of course an exception.
Now where am I heading with this? Well.. I believe this story to be the same, in some ways.
Being one who roleplays, and at times puts focus on (albeit it not to this extent) literate replies while also not removing the part both of us enjoy, and in text format, it's typically easier to slide in a proper disposal scene.. But with that in mind, does it need to be there? No. Not everything that can be, should be. Not to mention the wishes of the commissioner, and your own preferences in writing.
I'm not about to go out and ask for a disposal alternative to it all, but getting a sample of it could be interesting, but it's also about who you want to see it.. The smaller, more niche part of the community, or the community at large?
Would sacrificing the smooth flow of the text for 'warning lines' be worth it? I'm torn on that decision myself, even, with how enjoyable it always is.
It feels like things, such as gurgles, are happening while other things do as well, a thing that I can only envy, seeing as I myself find that hard to do without it being something along the lines of: A gurgle is heard > a response is made, either detailing a reaction of it being ignored, perhaps only a chuckle, smile or belly rub being the response. Your manner only compliments the writing, not going on interrupt the glow of the text, and that is truly something that I myself envy.


Now, onto things that I want to applaud (as if I didn't do that already)..
The involvement of Piplup left nothing more to be wished for. It was truly a treat to see the little guy be ever so mindful of Dawn, yet also being oh so casual about the grotesque act being performed, almost only having compliments to his dear trainer.. If not only to have a little bit of scolding too~
It was truly something to see him be involved, and have him given just as much attention, love and care as Dawn, and to an extent the quite mushy May, was also given.

The drawn out churning of May was savory, quite literally if you ask Dawn, and a threat to see... Having a scene that you write on your own drift away from it, yet always return, was quite satisfactory, and it never failed to meet expectations. Usually, stories either have it be very short times, around a day, or incredibly long.. But this entire thing, ignoring the content, went on for... At least two days, and it never lost any detail, and oh man is that incredible.

The two-part implied disposal was nice and new, yet it makes so much sense. Those soupy bits don't just filter out at once, no, it's a gradual process, always going on.. So if course, with this kind of drawn out digestion, it would be more than one time.

I've already gone to great lengths to describe how much I enjoy the formatting and the smooth flow, and I can't applaud you enough for this. The sheer dedication to keeping up this kind of thing is truly something to respect, perhaps even idolize.

Ash acting... Iffy about it at the start, but slowly coming to accepting it, to acting all around casual was a treat. I'm normally an all-females person for story, general preference and all (and also because I can't play men in roleplay but shhhh that's something I'll have to work on). He was more of a... Bounce-back character, if you catch my drift? And that was truly enjoyable.

The oh so casual reaction of Dawn.. And her turning into something that should perhaps be feared~
I'm one who enjoys a gluttonous girl in Vore writing, and honestly, don't think anyone can blame me - lest they don't have a somewhat masochistic personality like me. And in my mind, the continuation of this would be something to behold, with a perhaps ravenous predator having come out of it, one who won't hold back on taking her price~

The scene with Piplup having sunken into the pillow.
Omg I love this gime more I want more plz plz plz this is adorable I like this I want more
Genuinly - this was incredible to see, and something I had never seen before. The entire thing of standing up and losing balance was *perfect*, just adorable, and had even someone who fails to visualize most things, see it infront of them.. Truly deserves applauds~

Keeping... True? To the anime.
I'm someone who doesn't like the anime that much, and while I primarily roleplay pokemon things... I usually do it in a more game-esque way, while also twisting it in a way that would probably be seen in the anime.. If the anime featured dozens of voracious girls, of course, and was also made from 18+ people.. But that's irrelevant here. The ability to, what I can only assume, stay on track with what happened in the episodes that this is based off of, and staying in line with the source material, can only be taken note of. I haven't watched these episodes, but I can only imagine that this is quite close to what happened, but with May following along in a... Different way, and the larger focus on Dawn of course.

Hm.. I think that's it for what I can pick out to truly compliment you for.. Of course, the entire story is good, these are just certain things I thought was worth mentioning above the rest~

So. What things do I think was lacking a bit?
While the constant gurgles were a treat, it felt like it was also done in a pattern. This might just be down to my own preference if course, but it just felt like the stomach was only making noise when they were walking, or when it strictly needed to... So it became patternized, if that's a word, at least to me. Not necessarily a bad thing but a thing I felt getting a little tiring none the less. I particularly felt like this in this part, it being more noticeable with the following lines:
She stretches and takes a few steps forward…
Slourrsh… slouuurck… slourrssh…
…while hearing the familiar sound of her stomach sloshing as it sways.
----
And
----
Crruuunnnch… crrruuunnch… crrruunnch...
Sloursh… sloursh… sloursh… sloursh…
“Unnngh,” Dawn moans, “this is… the worst…”

Of course, I have to be nitpicky, but it is important to mention if you ask me. Not that you don't do an incredible job, by no means, it is lovely.. But I felt like these did get a little tiring after a while, especially with the timings of when the stomach decided to make noise. Might just be more, though.


Other than that... All I can really find is that I felt like the were was a lack of burping, but this might just come down to differing perspectives.
In my mind, as long as the prey is still gurgling, and even some time after.. There is a chance of the predator belching. Not to say they have to do it every second like, because that's also just too much.. But it being almost entirely gone in this story that happens over a couple of days is.. Disappointing? I'll say that for lack of a better word. It was there a little bit, yeah, but overall it's mostly just gone, and I feel like, if I have to mention a true downside of the story... It is that. It's the only thing that I personally feel like is really missing, but you might also view it differently, for example that it happens while the prey is moving around, or in the earliest stages of digestion, less so than through the overall cause.


So, can I just mention that I have been writing this on my phone for like over an hour now? I feel like that's something to take note of here.
I have never read a better story. I have written ones that I found more enjoyable, yes, but never have I read a better one. It's a new feeling, and has brought some spice to the.. Hmmm.. Not so preferable Aryion, right now, story wise. I don't see many stories currently that I really enjoy that much, so this is new and has brought me hope!
Know that you've blown out my expectations, and while I have mentioned some negatives, it is not a bad thing. I would go as far as to say that this is one of the best written stories on the entire site.. But I haven't read them all, of course, so yeah.
Keep on writing, I'll definetly keep on looking forward to your stuff. This was truly a work of art, and you've made me smile as an outcome. :)
See you on your next story (or your reply x))
Buhbye~

Posted by TrainerKatrine 3 years ago Report

So I just realized that I spent more time on this reply, and put more effort into it, than I did with my exam yesterday...
Huh.
Makes you think.

Posted by MidNightOwlArt 3 years ago Report

Wow i never seen a comment so long XD

To point out the disposal part.
I would of love to have it in the story describing the poop that is May coming out of Dawn butt.
But the writer wanted none of that so I respect the person’s wishes.
Sorry it couldn’t get the disposal part in.

Posted by TrainerKatrine 3 years ago Report

Oh that's completely fine! And well, I just got into it x)

Posted by NoWayOut 3 years ago Report

So wait a minute I'm a little confused, can I ask for a little more clarification? It kinda sounds like you and the author are saying different things.

What your saying is that you wanted a disposal scene but the author wanted none of that stuff so it didn't make it in.

But then the author is saying that you wanted it to only be implied and then further goes to say they are willing to do explicit disposal scenes in future commissions.

I'm just really confused because you guys are kinda contradicting eachother and I want a bit more clarification.

Posted by lllll1337 3 years ago Report

I still have the PMs Midnight sent me on DeviantArt, but I don't want to release them publicly since that would violate Midnight's privacy. Unless Midnight permits me to release them, I suppose.

I just read his description for the story as it was written in the DeviantArt PMs and wrote it *shrug*

Posted by NoWayOut 3 years ago Report

Huh, that's really interesting. Yeah don't release them unless he wants too obviously, I was just confused by your guys contradicting statements.

If what you're saying is true then I wonder why he is saying you wanted none of that stuff in the story then.

Posted by MidNightOwlArt 3 years ago Report

Here is the short answer.
I wanted no scat from the start so it wouldn’t scare the people who hate “disposal” in it.

Long answer Here are quotes from me and IIIII1337 on DA.
Me.
“I don’t know if you’re into “post-vore Disposal” stuff but can you mention a small part in the story about her “letting out May” or something close?”

IIIII1337.
“and yeah, I can throw in a line about implied disposal for sure! It'd actually work pretty well for the lead-up to the scene I drafted with Dawn, Zoey, and Kyle, haha.
————————
At the time we were making this happen i did possibly wanted a second story WITH disposal but i ultimately decided on not doing it.
I was thankful he made this HUGE story for me.
Hope that answer your question.

Posted by lllll1337 3 years ago Report

Yep, I can confirm that was the conversation we had on DeviantArt. Thanks for sharing, Midnight ^^

Posted by NoWayOut 3 years ago Report

Okay that’s clears up somethings but if you wanted no scat from the beginning in order to not scare people off, then why did you originally state that it was the author who didn’t want anything like that in the story? If it was your choice, why are you saying the author didn’t want to do it and you are respecting their decision to leave it out. You even apologized to a guy for not being able to get the scenes in.

I’m sorry I’m just super confused. From what it looks like on those PMs, the author is just doing what they were told to write so I’m just confused where the “author didn’t want anything like that” accusation has come from, especially even more now that you are saying you wanted no scat scene from the beginning.

Posted by MidNightOwlArt 3 years ago Report

Ok lets clear this up shall we?

To quote myself earlier
“ But the writer wanted none of that so I respect the person’s wishes”
WHEN i put that part in I DID NOT look at my Notes from DA so i forgot what IIIII1337 said.
So that was my mistake, sorry.

When i gave you that explanation earlier i DID look at my notes that time.

BUT i did want NO disposal in this fic just implied Scat.
And IIIII1337 COULD of did it but I chose to do implied instead.
——————
The beginning story plot, battle, sexual stuff, swallowing May, traveling with May inside Dawn, digest and then implied bathroom break, now Dawn show off her gains to her friends.
——————
It was plans from the start.
Hope that clear some things up.
If it doesn’t then....idk. (Shrug)

Posted by NoWayOut 3 years ago Report

Okay yeah that clears things up. Thanks for responding, I was just super confused at the contradicting stories is all.

Posted by NoWayOut 3 years ago Report

Okay yeah that clears things up. Thanks for responding, I was just super confused at the contradicting stories is all.

Posted by EmmE 3 years ago Report

TrainerKatrine, your reply is practically a full-fledged novel. If you didn't get an A+ on that exam, you damn well should have.

Posted by TrainerKatrine 3 years ago Report

Why thank you, I guess that's what happens when you get into stuff, because that there is probably the best thing I've ever written. xP
I don't write a lot, really, I just have passion and care.
And no, I didn't hey an A+,I got lowest grade (the exam wasn't actually in this genre. The comparison was more so they "I just had an exam, and I put more effort into this message than that exam", which shows how passionate I was about it, you feel me?
That there is also one of the best things I've actually written before, at least as constructive criticism. Reading it through again, I am definetly lacking in grammar, with some very obvious mistakes.. But I blame my phone and auto correct.
But thank you for your kind words! ^^

Posted by lllll1337 3 years ago Report

Thanks a ton for the praise and criticism!

I'll admit, I kinda hit a wall when it came to writing stomach noises over such a long period. I plan on putting a lot of focus on varying that up more the next time I write a story like this, so it's very... validating(?) to see that someone else picked up on that.

More burps, yeah. I absolutely regret not doing that to vary up the details more. But of course, there's always next time - and I plan on using the experience I gained writing this to write an even better story with long-term digestion next time.

But yeah, it's seriously super nice to see someone giving my stories such a deep, critical read. As long as my readers tell me where they want to see improvements, I'll be sure to address those criticisms in future stories.

Feel free to PM me if you wanna chat about vore writing and stuffs, by the way : 3

Posted by TrainerKatrine 3 years ago Report

The pleasure is mine. A bit disappointed that you didn't want to write disposal, but I don't judge, since it's not for everyone. x3

Posted by lllll1337 3 years ago Report

Ah yeah, I forgot to address that comment, sorry xD

When Midnight and I were PMing each other on DeviantArt, he sent me a message regarding disposal. It gave me the impression that he wanted disposal to be implied but not explicitly shown.

So, that's why it came out the way it did. If anyone wants me to write explicit disposal in a future commission, I totally can. :3

Posted by TrainerKatrine 3 years ago Report

Ah okay! Personally, I'd love to see a rework of this, where instead of implied, it's actually done.. But don't know if you'd wanna do that x)

Posted by EmmE 3 years ago Report

My gosh, this is the longest vore story I've ever read - not to mention one of the best. I've yet to finish reading it, but I absolutely love what I have read so far! Seeing Dawn with an overly-cocky and somewhat-yandere (ordering her prey around, objectifying them, etc.) personality is a bit strange to me, since she's a lot more of a perky and klutzy type of character, but I like how you wrote her with this angle. I'm wondering why Brock isn't present at all, but I guess there wouldn't really be any addition that his inclusion would bring to the story, so I understand why he isn't there. I'm assuming Dawn probably ate him. ;P Still, I would've loved to have seen him included in some way. There's a lot - and I mean a LOT - of detail in this story. I usually like to get right to the "meat" of the story, so to say, so I found myself skipping through parts of the story after the first portion in order to get to the good stuff. In any case, this story is phenomenal, and I hope to see more amazing work from you in the future! Who knows; maybe I'll even get a commission from you myself... ;)

Posted by lllll1337 3 years ago Report

Thanks for the kind words! I'd happy to write for ya whenever I open comms~ :3

Posted by EmmE 3 years ago Report

You're welcome! I'll make sure to look out for any announcements!

Posted by MidNightOwlArt 3 years ago Report

I want to say thank you for reading it i’m glad you like it.

“lot more of a perky and klutzy type of character”
Well not all fanfics are going to be perfect this is just how i imagine her to be after winner the wallace cup.
She gets cocky and confident and she beat May anyways and it can get to your head sometimes.
And she did fall on Ash btw she still a klutzy :D

“I'm wondering why Brock isn't present at all”
Honest i’m wondering that too and i ask for this comm lol XD
Guess i either forgot about him or i wanted to leave him out I don’t know honestly.
I guess you can say he got eaten by a jenny or joy or even misty on Ash’s first journey or whatever.
It all up to you.

And i’m the same just get to the “meat” of the story but if the story is REALLY good i’ll read all of it.