Posted by Astronommy 4 years ago Report

A rocket launch of a chapter, bravo! Couldn't do it justice with a five hundred page essay, it's so gorgeous!

A toast to the insanely elaborate setup, and swift aggressive descriptions for the events of the same quality! The prologue detailing the camera placements and the making of the poor, poor suit by the resourceful co-star of the piece -- all had been neatly arranged so as to not get in the way when the excitement began!

There was this wonderful perpetual dueling between the expectation -- represented by Meester Mausi -- and the force majeure subversion of the Big Lady, and a great spread of conflicting ambitions and reactions: he wants a neat filming setup -- she goes off script, but makes great spontaneous shots anyway, he makes the costume -- she devastates it in the best worst way, he fears for his life -- she validates his fears, yet leaves him content at the end of the run. She even torments him in the middle of his prized video production work that nominally is at the heart of their whole affair! In short, it's a masterful power play between the two, and it keeps the audience on their toes as well!

The aftercare scene was a welcome in its appropriate tenderness, but still emotionally tricky and meaningful.

And the final surprise landed with a hefty splash -- Becca's apartment hasn't been drained of all its potential yet, but it's a good time to move past it, at least for a while!

The other two parts are gratefully acknowledged, but it would take me some time to give them proper attention.

* * *

"stop-motions shorts" -- "stop motion" is the form I'm more familiar with, but it may be one of those regionally-modal things that could go either way, like "costars" and "co-stars"

"What *I* saw was my feet disappear into her mouth" -- it's correct, I think, but feels weird on the tongue: "What *I* saw was my feet disappearing into her mouth" feels better; "I saw my feet disappear" feels okay, so maybe it's just the mismatched grammatical number, or some tense-related paradox

"sprawling comfortable"

A double space before "Her hands flinched" -- I'm reading the files, couldn't have been the site!

"Kind of exciting-scary to think of what another woman." -- this one just puzzles me, unless it was supposed to be an interrupted train of though kind of sentence.

Posted by Astronommy 4 years ago Report

Loved the personal language and terms used by the two!

Oh, and while there's a world of difference, I was reminded of the dynamic Zach and Alexis shared in their respective works! There are more sincere, harsher threatening displays, and a more affectionate attitude underneath for Becca, definitely -- it's just the notion of Zachary/Foursi being a helpful resourceful gnome tinkerer with his life hanging in the balance.

Posted by 4ofSwords 4 years ago Report

The tiny-tinkerer-slash-food-item role is a trope I will defend to my dying breath! :D

Hooray for aftercare! How often do we get to see that in vore? It was a note I wanted to include, and this chapter allowed me to develop the anticlimax a little further than usual.

Details are a tricky thing to balance. What I really want to hit is the verisimilitude - believable mannerisms, likely snags, minor discomforts that are unexpected enough, not so burdened with cliche, that maybe the reader can read a vore story on a vore site and still feel like there's a fresh perspective they want to see through. But too much exposition unloaded at the wrong time is just the worst for pacing. I'm glad this worked.

I wanted to unload the rest of the story before Thanksgiving in case my fellow USAians had free time on Turkey Day, but don't feel any rush to respond outside of whatever schedule is convenient for you. Just because I'm waiting with bated breath and might otherwise suffocate you shouldn't alter your plans!

<grin> I kid, but I am very lazily using your typo-finding as a screen before I post this to other sites. Still, definitely no reason to rush a reply or provide one that doesn't come naturally, but hopefully it demonstrates a practical application of my appreciation.

Posted by Astronommy 4 years ago Report

Too many details dessicate the narrative, and too few leave it an amorphous blob of generaizations, yeah. This chapter is impeccably even in this regard -- bitey and mosaic-y!

Understood about the balance of my discretion and expectations about my responses! It's appearing that, barring a streak of bad luck, I'll be able to get through the rest of the story today.

However, the fact is this level of feedback engagement is not even extravagant on my part -- beside a fairly lengthy exchange with another writer here over the game they've been developing, I had not left a comment on any gallery sites for what felt like years until my accosting you in the DM's, so my experience so far has been of maddened horror at the novelty of it. But, given the pleasant people on the other end of these ramblings, there's been a lot of intoxicating elation, intellectual stimulation and nostalgic affection in there, as well.

Happy holidays! I wish the cozy, communal atmosphere of that feast-intensive celebration had had a less slightly less gruesome foundations, for the US and for the birds, but at these times, any excuse to share some warmth must be taken, even over long distance while the social distancing measures are still in effect.

Posted by Astronommy 4 years ago Report

Oh, and by "today" I meant today going by local time, so within sixteen hours of that message -- the 25th is only just coming ot a close for the US, I've realized, and I was dispensing misleading promises while having Thursday in mind! Sorry!

Posted by 4ofSwords 4 years ago Report

No worries at all - I really had not meant to imply a rush in any way (beside jesting). But thank you!

Thanksgiving is by far my least favorite of the holidays, and among family I'm a notorious generic-holiday grinch. It's emblematic of so many things that are negative, overshadowing what could otherwise be good, or at least a decently bland harvest festival. But I am in a family of holiday nuts, and work is closed, and there are things to enjoy about that. :)