Good story. I love to see Barriss Offee as a predator. My favorite parts is when Bariss burped with ventress' smell and taste, when she did her curtsy with her gut on the ground, and how you described how foul smelling the insides of her stomach were. All good.
Thank you very much!
Yes she’s excellent as a predator. Tho sadly underused. I appreciate giving specific feedback about what you liked. It really helps for writing the next ones.
Posted by anyonarex 4 years ago Report
mmmm, pretty good for an early attempt. :p nicely detailed, and i'm not usually one for star wars stuff.
Posted by Trying124 4 years ago Report
Thank you ! Was worried I’d made it too detailed, glad you enjoyed it XD
Posted by anyonarex 4 years ago Report
heh, no such thing. X3 the more detailed the better.
Posted by The K 3 years ago Report
Good story. I love to see Barriss Offee as a predator. My favorite parts is when Bariss burped with ventress' smell and taste, when she did her curtsy with her gut on the ground, and how you described how foul smelling the insides of her stomach were. All good.
Posted by Trying124 3 years ago Report
Thank you very much!
Yes she’s excellent as a predator. Tho sadly underused. I appreciate giving specific feedback about what you liked. It really helps for writing the next ones.
Posted by The K 3 years ago Report
My pleasure. Hope to see more elements like these in your future stories.
Posted by Jelvyc177 2 years ago Report
Perhaps another time, you could do Ashoka eating Barriss. Such harsh betrayal needs fulfillment.
Posted by Trying124 2 years ago Report
Possibly but more likely I would do Barisal eat Ashoka. I find her more appealing as a predator