Posted by Astronommy 4 years ago Report

More mind-rattling design innovations! The cathedral pipe organ hub just about takes the cake, the out-of-the way function-first maid's corridor is nice touch, but the horizontally split floor allows for some really wonderful imagery emphasizing Claire's Alice in the Wonderland status (I wonder if that book isn't the same kind of gateway for macro/macro enthusiasts as the Disney's Jungle Book is for the hypnosis crowd; that book, and the Gulliver's Travels, of course; and The Wonderful Adventures of Nils).

Autumn would have fainted with delight at all the precious mouse-hole tunnelways, the shelves and the overflowing miniature dressing room! It's also an interesting take on the cultural idea of a haunted house (already mentioned in-text!) riddled with secret passages and weird noises of dubious origins.

Appreciate how smoothly Claire's barely-polite disinterest in Adam's explanation for how he is the way he is, and her constant probing and pushing the envelope of the boundaries of propriety earned her his respect for not condescending to or babying him; to be fair, his own ongoing interrogation of the nature of her interest in him has been quite harsh, as well; the chemistry's brewing nicely so far, with the two oddballs doing the ever-narrowing circular dance of mutual suspicion, curiosity and thrill.

Very, very elegantly conceived are the different venues the two have grown to appreciate the Yes artistry; it has allowed for another instance of Claire getting caught a little off guard, which is always nice depth-exposer for a strong, confident character. The impulsive grab and its momentarily chilling consequences are such a exciting high note in the couple's duet of figuring out each other while listening close to their own feelings; it's also quite a fitting predatory gesture, a cat batting its paw to pin down an escaping little critter.

The name dropping of various bands and brands does the trick for making the story world pop and drawing the reader in, however, in addition to the non-concerns about those making the story dated, I can see how someone with a bright spotlight of media and critical attention on them could be be conscious of potentially provoking litigious copyright holders.

Prog rock is nice in its wizard tower segregation of sub-fandoms; a King Crimson fan, an early Genesis fan, and a Tullhead could share an apartment, but each think themselves the only proggy around. The rockers are less particular about what to bang heads to (although capable of holding powerful clannish football fan-like antipathies), and the folksters are huddled together for how relatively few bands they have to choose from. That's the way I've seen it.

Wonderful wordplay with the red flags fan-dancing!

Posted by 4ofSwords 4 years ago Report

I'm glad the horizontally split floor thing made sense! I was this close to diagraming it out because I figured I couldn't get the idea across clearly with words.

> Prog rock is nice in its wizard tower segregation of sub-fandoms; a King Crimson fan, an early Genesis fan, and a Tullhead could share an apartment, but each think themselves the only proggy around.

Ain't that the truth. I've probably heard every official Yes song at least 10 times (some of them, thousands), but I might have heard King Crimson 10 times in total, and mostly because they shared a band member. Deep rabbitholes don't encourage a lot of parallel exploration, I guess.

Posted by Astronommy 4 years ago Report

Maybe you should have made that leap! Your descriptive abilities are more than adequate to convey the unorthodox house layout, but a visual supplementary would have added greatly to the project -- perhaps in an art book appendix accompanying a limited edition of the novel.

Seriously, though -- unless there's an art block of sixteen ton weighing your down, do you think a thumbnail picture could be added to as an eye-catcher for the uploading marathon? I realize that striking readership mother lodes on this site may not be among your current priorities, but the story is already asking the audience to take a cold shower and wear a formal dress for the reading, in terms of how it feels compared the site average for the instant gratification factor.

As a below average reader, I can attest to the efficacy of a sufficiently slyly constructed header picture in a story submission for both drawing my attention, and daring me to comb the text for the exact match to the scene or emotion displayed, or for a vague symbol to be deciphered. I loved every single one of your old thumbnails! And if you've sadly said your farewells to the artist's career (although that small visual story with cracked suspended animation tubes and a hungry hungry sci-fi sphinx made it look like some stylistic and technical refinement had happened since your previous big splashes), and are not terminally strapped for money, you could even order a thumbnail from a fellow artist. Again, it's probably too small an issue to bother with!

And well said about the rabbit holes! I also loved keeping track of various artists doing cameos in each others' songs and line-ups, following the instances of that crosspollination is a good way to smoothly and organically expand one's musical tastes.

Posted by 4ofSwords 4 years ago Report

I'll think on the graphic. I haven't been too keen on the way this site engine handles covers (and the other two places I'm posting it don't really use them, either.) I'm stubborn enough to anti-market the story by not putting a cover together myself, but really I feel like there's a big difference between the sort of sketchy art I put out and the kind of graphic design a proper cover warrants.

But that's my kneejerk response, and I'll think on it.

Posted by Astronommy 4 years ago Report

Oh no, those are very legitimate arguments against! I certainly don't think there's a call for drawing something like the piece that caught Claire's eye in this chapter until the story is due for its red carpet rollout, and if none of the other sites deal with graphics, it would be disproportionately lavish to give this one such preferential treatment.

Thanks for considering it and explaining circumstances, however!