Posted by LemonBarb 4 years ago Report

Welp, guess that Paul being deleted by orgasm, is a horror tale enough, to keep her new "occupants", or body-part slaves quiet... Give or take if it's a whim. "In before she's considering boob slaves, clit slaves... And possibly ass slaves?" Or no doubt, how would she crack that nanobot 'intel' that again, she's ironically counter-stealing, to the point of becoming Harry's worst nightmare, by malice?

... Or in other words. How would her 'occupants', or entrapped meals/victims, cope with ending up having something to bond over, in mutual suffering inside a "database", per say? And how long, until Oliver's naivity to Harry's fate, is shattered?

Posted by Tokaj 4 years ago Report

Well, her victims with have to learn to obey their new mistress and find out a method of communication that will not show their conversations in the communicator.

Posted by Matteo42 4 years ago Report

Well well well, this is quite the story! XD
I love the ideas you put into this, and do really hope that you'll make more of them sometime.

However, there's a few iffies here and there, especially in story progression. What I mean is that characters will often (too many times in two short stories) just do a 180, personality wise. Harry seems like a chill dude that's a bit frustrated at his father's relations... and then decides to kill his step-mom out of the blue. Jenna is told to have buried domination ideas, but that just appeared out of the blue. There's no sign of that ever before, and that just pulls some of the realism out of it

So yeah, good job anyway, that's just a small nitpick of mine, which I certainly have done myself xD

Posted by Tokaj 4 years ago Report

Thanks, I have the end state in mind and I want to get to it. I find it easier for me to write about radical actions and domination

Posted by Matteo42 4 years ago Report

Yeah I get that, I don't map the whole thing out either before starting xD

Don't get me wrong, it's not the domination that's out-of-bounds, it's just how she goes from "gentle and nice woman" to "world colonizer and dominator" in the span of twenty lines, without anything to hint at her secret feelings being like that, you know? It's like, for example, if Harry Potter suddenly grew tired of his friends and allied with Voldemort to take over the world; it just comes out of nowhere.

Posted by doomed 4 years ago Report

Bruh the others should just delete themselves . She’s clearly temperamental . So no matter what they do she’s going to torment them . Paul got off easy . Though I am wondering why he didn’t shoot her . He probably thought she wasn’t a threat .... sucks for him but at least he’s free lol