“Oh, honey… Don’t say that to yourself.”

Abby’s mother spoke with worry and concern. Nothing brought her more pain than seeing her child sad and afraid. She fruitlessly pondered how she could possibly help her daughter feel more secure and confident. Her thoughts were interrupted by Abby’s response.

“Why not? Everybody I know’s got their shit together. They’ve all got careers and relationships and I’m still cooped up in here…”

Abby always struggled to make any friends, but after moving to the coast she’d been too afraid to meet anyone new. Her old friends spoke to her less and less, but hadn’t yet completely abandoned her. She expected them to before long. It didn’t make sense why people like them would stick with someone like her. Tears welled in Abby’s eyes.

“Pumpkin... You can’t compare yourself to everybody else. There’ll always be someone who’s doing better than you and you’ll never feel content with yourself.”


Her words came out quickly, as she couldn’t bear to see her daughter suffer. She was sure Abby had heard it before, but she couldn’t figure out what else to say.

“Oh, then who am I supposed to compare myself to? Myself? I’m at the worst I’ve ever been. I don’t have anything to offer.”

Abby’s words came out aggressively, but she was only trying to be honest. These feelings had been welling up inside her for months, and only now had the chance to come out in full force. She turned her face away from her mother as the tears streamed down her face. To Abby, nobody seemed more worthless than her.

"Abby. I know you feel like there's nothing left for you, but you've made a tremendous impact on my life. I don't know where I'd be if you weren't here with me. You're only 19. It's not reasonable to expect someone your age to have everything together. You'll get through this and get better. There's a lot of time left."

In a moment of clarity, Abby's mother spoke words that breached the barrier of self-loathing. Abby took a deep breath and laid back on the sofa. The tears in her eyes slowly began to dry.

"...Yeah, you're right. I've got time. I'm gonna be ok… I probably just need a swim or something. Clear my head."

"I love you, pumpkin."

Abby gave her mother a firm hug, holding her close.

"I love you too, mom. I'm going to head out for a bit. Be back soon."

She walked up to her room, and quickly put on her floral-patterned bikini. Her regular clothes were strewn across the bed haphazardly. Still red from the tears, she stepped out of the door into fresh ocean air.

It was a peaceful walk to the shore, where the waves lapped against the sand like clockwork. The world was completely silent except the gentle wash of the waves. Despite this, Abby didn't feel small, or alone. Instead, hope and peace filled her mind. She didn't need to have everything figured out. She had time.

Abby savored the feeling of the water against her toes as she stepped further and further into the cool water. More and more of her slender body was covered in sea water until she was left floating above the waves. Abby gazed up at the moon, content with the knowledge that she didn't have to rush things. She could enjoy it for as long as she wanted. She had time.




Her swimsuit was the only thing they found. It smelled of gastric juices and fish.

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