The concept is one I've seen before, but it still works here. A little more elaboration on certain points might have helped, but the story is, itself, solid. However... you need some serious editing on this.
Grammatically, this is a mess with missed capitalizations throughout the piece as well as misspelled words (not counting speech, that was done in dialect, and I'll get to that as well). Try sending a story to an editor, or at least run it through word before posting, it actually works wonders.
I'm ok with dialect but don't you think this is a touch overdoing it? I mean... it just seemed a bit forced. I don't know a single person who talks like this. Not that I've met everyone on the planet, mind you, but it just seems a bit... excessive.
Posted by Jurodan 18 years ago Report
The concept is one I've seen before, but it still works here. A little more elaboration on certain points might have helped, but the story is, itself, solid. However... you need some serious editing on this. Grammatically, this is a mess with missed capitalizations throughout the piece as well as misspelled words (not counting speech, that was done in dialect, and I'll get to that as well). Try sending a story to an editor, or at least run it through word before posting, it actually works wonders. I'm ok with dialect but don't you think this is a touch overdoing it? I mean... it just seemed a bit forced. I don't know a single person who talks like this. Not that I've met everyone on the planet, mind you, but it just seems a bit... excessive.
Posted by Anonymous 18 years ago Report
nice concept... the stereotypes sort of put a damper on it though
Posted by Anonymous 18 years ago Report
MOORE MOORE MOORE !!!!!!!
Posted by Gentle_Grounds 17 years ago Report
Nice indeed, friend.
Posted by dimensione510 15 years ago Report
Quite good, albeit a little overboard with the accents/dialect/speech patterns.
Posted by tacaloking 12 years ago Report
hey my last name is moore