“Are you sure about this?”, the young Riley Roach with a confused look on her face as she gazed down the long, metal chute that had been built by her good friend Tina Yang’s dad for… some reason.
 
A cooling autumn wind blew through Tina’s backyard, a stray brown leaf hitting Riley upside the face before she swatted it away; she thought it fair, as having as short a hair as she did, she was having a much better time in this wind than Tina was.
 
“You gotta trust me, okay?”, Tina said as she climbed the miniature ladder she had beside the metallic object, her long black hair blowing into her face as she did so.
“I read it on Buzzfeed, like, two weeks ago.”
 
Before Riley could interject, Tina let out a pretty impressive-
 
*BUUOOORRP*
 
-from between her lips, immediately taking both her and Riley aback as she covered her mouth out of embarrassment.
 
“Excuse me!”, Tina said as she took her hands back down from her face.
 
“Hey, no need to apologize.”, Riley replied.
“From what you’re telling me, it sounds like you’re about to be doing a lot worse in a minute…”
 
“Yeah, I guess so.”, Tina said with a shrug of the shoulders.
“Just a force of habit, I guess.”
 
At that, Tina pulled down her pants, prompting Riley to look away out of embarrassment and notice that the neighbor next door was eagerly getting quite the view of Tina’s rather bubbly bare ass.
 
“Say, uh, don’t you have any neighbors?”, Riley asked, playing stupid as she raised her hand in the air and gave the creeper neighbor the middle finger (as if that would stop him.)
 
“Yeah.”, Tina replied.
 
“Aren’t you a little concerned you might be, uh…”, Riley asked as she looked back to her friend.
“Giving them a bit of a show?”
 
“Not really.”, Tina replied casually.
“Besides, I don’t think they’re gonna be AS into it as you
 
Riley rolled her eyes as she turned around to show her disappointment that Tina was still up on that.
 
Tina still hadn’t quite gotten over Riley’s whole “fingering herself over the phone” incident from a month or so ago. Sure, Tina treated it like all in pure fun (and Riley had definitely touched herself to thoughts of her friend many times after the incident), but to have her brief (if stupid) moment of passion be reduced to an in-joke between the two was still ludicrously embarrassing.
 
“Alright, alright; no need to tease!”, Riley said with a smirk on her face.
 
“It’s weird!”, Tina exclaimed before toning it down a bit.
“I’m sorry; is that not weird? Doesn’t EVERY pred poop? Don’t YOU poop?”
 
“I do! It’s just that it’s, uh…”, Riley replied, struggling to find an accurate explanation.
“It’s different when it’s someone ELSE doing it, okay?”
 
“Okay…”, Tina said as she repositioned herself before remembering something.
“Oh, uh… can you turn around? I can’t go while somebody’s looking…”
 
“Already on it.”, Riley said as she turned around, taking the coat off her shoulders and holding it in front of Tina to help block the creep’s view.
“Helps me get a better view of the local scenery, anyway…”
 
And so, with Riley looking the other way, Tina did her business, digging her nails into the cold metal as she pushed out the first of many thick, brown logs of shit from inside of her, all the while Riley continued giving the neighbor a death glare.
 
“Hey, remind me to eat that guy who lives next door to you later.”, Riley said casually.
 
“Why?”, Tina said with a strained lilt to her voice.
 
“Oh, no reason.”, Riley deflected.
“Just got a gut feeling he’s earned it, you know?”
 
Of course, Tina had a hard time responding, her mind far more focused on emptying her bowels of the many, MANY people that she’d eaten over the course of the day.
 
Truth be told, as much as Riley was trying to obey Tina’s wishes by focusing on other things like the rustling of the leaves and the gentle howling of the wind as it blew by, the sounds of her friend (plus the cold air blowing through her t-shirt) were making her feel rather tingly inside.
 
Riley bit her lip, subtlety trying to hone in on the sounds of disposal happening right behind her head, only to be momentarily stopped by-
 
“Ah!”
 
Tina breathing an audible sigh of relief; with a crunch of leaves behind her, Tina had hopped back down on the ground and Riley was ready to turn around and feast her eyes upon the leftovers of Tina’s own feast.
 
And oh boy, Tina sure did not disappoint.
 
Atop the metal slide were waist-thick logs of bone-filled shit, running down the entire surface of the chute and falling off of the edge onto the ground in a couple places.
 
Sprinkled throughout were some obvious signs that Tina’s prey had been caught “in the wild” rather than a bit more willing and nude: contents of a sequin purse splayed out beside its faded exterior, sporty-looking sneakers still hanging off of skelefied feet, even a walking cane snapped in two from its time inside the predator’s stomach.
 
“Jesus…”, Riley thought.
“Tina’s cold-blooded! God DAMN it, that’s hot. Fuck!”
 
“Ta-da!”, Tina said triumphantly, gesturing her hands towards the absolutely inhuman mess that laid before her and her friend.
 
“Holy shit…”, Riley said aloud.
 
“Heck yeah, it is!”, Tina exclaimed.
“What do you think?”
 
“I mean…”, Riley continued, trying her best to find words.
“It’s shit…”
 
“It’s a trough!”, Tina exclaimed before trying again.
“I mean it’s not JUST the shi- poop!”
 
At that, Tina reached into her hoodie’s pockets and pulled out a pair of latex gloves before pulling her sleeves back and snapping them onto her hands.
 
“Alright, you lost me!”, Riley said putting her hands up and turning around as she put her coat back on.
“I am NOT digging through that literal shit for ANYTHING, okay? Not even for the kinky stuff.”
 
“It’s not like THAT.”, Tina cried from behind her.
“Look!”
 
Begrudgingly, Riley turned back around with a huff to see Tina excitedly holding a bleached-white skull in her gloved hands.
 
“What?”, Riley asked before pointing to the bones.
“The skull?”
 
“Well, it’s not just THIS skull.”, Tina said, motioning her hand over the entire mess that sat beside her.
“There’s a whole BUNCH of skulls in here! See?”
 
“Uh huh…”, Riley replied, her voice practically overflowing with doubt.
“And how many people did you eat to get all those?”
 
“I dunno.”, Tina said with a shrug of the shoulders.
“Eight?”
 
“Eight peop-“, Riley exclaimed before stopping herself to word out a
“Tina, eating eight people in the span of a DAY is going to be absolute MURDER on EVERY INCH of your body!”
 
“Well that’s easy for YOU to say…”, Tina
“You don’t GAIN weight.”
 
“I know I don’t gain weight; think about it every day.”, Riley replied sarcastically.
“Tina, eating eight people a DAY will leave you immobile.”
 
“What?”, Tina said in disbelief.
“No, it won’t.”
 
“Oh yeah?”, Riley replied with her arms crossed.
“You wanna test that out for yourself?”
 
This seemed to shut Tina up, who began looking down past her rather large breasts at the skull she held in her hands.
 
“No…”, she replied.
 
“I didn’t think so.”, Riley confirmed.
“But what now? You got the bones you wanted; what’re you gonna do with, uh… the rest of it?”
 
“Ooh! That’s the next part.”, Tina as she reached back into her pocket and pulled out a packet of seeds.
“I bought some pumpkin seeds at the grocery store today; that way, we can use the rest of the… stuff to grow pumpkins! You know, for Jack-o-lanterns and stuff!”
 
“Right.”, Riley said with a huff.
“Hang on one second…”
 
At that, Riley pulled out her phone, much to Tina’s disappointment, as both of them knew exactly what was coming next.
 
“Hey, Bixby…”, Riley asked her phone.
“How long does it take for a pumpkin to grow?”
 
“No!”, Tina exclaimed dejectedly.
“Riley…”
 
“I’m just trying to be sure!”, Riley replied as she looked down at her phone.
“I don’t want you wasting your time on something that’s gonna be taking you at least… three months.”
 
“What?!”, Tina exclaimed.
“That CAN’T be how long it takes.”
 
“That’s what it says.”, Riley replied, showing Tina her phone screen.
“Google doesn’t lie.”
 
“But what if it lied THIS time?”, Tina asked, clearly struggling to justify her ludicrous scheme as best she could.
 
Having essentially stopped Tina’s plans dead in their tracks, Riley had to make sure she hadn’t broken her friend’s feelings in the process.
 
“Tina…”, she groaned.
 
“I don’t know. I just…”, Tina replied glumly, tossing the skull to the ground with little fanfare.
“I just did all this stuff cause I thought it’d be cool…”
 
“Hey! Don’t beat yourself up about it; least you tried!”, Riley said affirmatively as she came at Tina with a side hug.
“Plus all those people you ate look great on your boobs.”
 
“Thanks…”, Tina replied.
“I gotta get some new bras, though; my old ones are getting a bit small.”
 
At that, Tina adjusted her bra straps, inadvertently giving her friend a perfect view of her DD-cup breasts jiggling like water balloons within their tight fabric confines.
 
Literally shaking her perverted thoughts out of her head, Riley noticed that Tina was still looking rather dejected despite the compliment.
 
Now how could she fix that?
 
“C’mon; cheer up!”, Riley said again before going in for the kill.
“You wanna get some pad thai?”
 
“Yes…”, Tina replied.
 
Bingo. Right on target. Now to reel her in…
 
“You wanna get it delivered so we can play a board game or something?”, Riley asked.
 
“That sounds nice…”, Tina replied.
 
“What’s that one that you’re always trying to get me to play?”, asked Riley.
“The one with the beads and the holes in the board and stuff?”
 
“Mancala?”, Tina replied.
 
“Yes! Mancala!”, Riley exclaimed like she’d been looking forward to it for weeks.
“We should play some mancala.”
 
“I thought you hated mancala…”, said Tina.
 
“I hate when I LOSE at mancala; there’s a difference.”, Riley said affirmatively.
“I think I can take a few rounds with you this time.”
 
“You mean it?”, asked Tina.
 
God, Riley could’ve just melted like ice the way she said that.
 
“Well, I’m pretty sure I mean it.”, Riley replied.
“Wouldn’t have asked you if I didn’t.”
 
Tina thought for a moment before simply replying with a-
 
“Thanks.”
 
-and, to be honest, that was all that Riley needed to hear.
 
“Don’t mention it.”, Riley replied with a tighter grasp of Tina’s side.
 
And so, the pair went inside, ordering dinner and leaving Tina’s failed decoration scheme outside to be dealt with by a very, VERY confused plumber tomorrow.