pretty good story. Though since from the sound of things you seemed to want to improve I'll give some critique. Try to work on the buildup more. Some foreshadowing would help such as in the initial paragraphs bringing up that Andrew would admonish Nancy for her behavior and try to get her to stop a few times.
I appreciate the criticism, but I actually excluded that for a purpose. Nancy wasn't facing any punishment for what she was doing, and Emma was actively covering for her, not wanting to get her in trouble and denying there was a problem. It's why Nancy kept bullying her and why she thought of her as a "perfect victim." Andrew sticking up for her was supposed to blindside her. I guess I could have made that more clear though.
Posted by VoraciousSincerity 3 years ago Report
There are two words that together I think sum up this story pretty well: "Karma" & "Whoops!"
Posted by The_Prof 3 years ago Report
pretty good story. Though since from the sound of things you seemed to want to improve I'll give some critique. Try to work on the buildup more. Some foreshadowing would help such as in the initial paragraphs bringing up that Andrew would admonish Nancy for her behavior and try to get her to stop a few times.
Posted by ClosetMonster 3 years ago Report
I appreciate the criticism, but I actually excluded that for a purpose. Nancy wasn't facing any punishment for what she was doing, and Emma was actively covering for her, not wanting to get her in trouble and denying there was a problem. It's why Nancy kept bullying her and why she thought of her as a "perfect victim." Andrew sticking up for her was supposed to blindside her. I guess I could have made that more clear though.
Posted by Vorachist22 3 years ago Report
I love this story.
Posted by AnAccount 3 months ago Report
"Besides people would blame him" this andrew guy is a piece of work huh. I remember reading this story a while back. Nice work!