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Jean's Walking Lunch(tags b4 u read) By Helena793 -- Report

Uploaded: 3 years ago

Views: 12,198

File size: 8.73 KiB

MIME Type: application/vnd.openxmlformats-officedocument.wordprocessingml.document

Comments: 8

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A story about Jean on her walk, but oh no she forgot to bring LUNCH! Thumbnail from reddit (help me write better)

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Helena793

Posted by Helena793 3 years ago Report

Please tell me what you think if you read it, it helps me as a writer

AzurePheonix

Posted by AzurePheonix 3 years ago Report

Link to thumbnail?

Helena793

Posted by Helena793 3 years ago Report

From reddit, did you like the story?

AzurePheonix

Posted by AzurePheonix 3 years ago Report

Yes! Though in fair criticism you may want to consider parsing out your paragraphs more. Big blocks of text are somewhat jarring to wade through.

Helena793

Posted by Helena793 3 years ago Report

Go to my other one, its more complete

theteen73

Posted by theteen73 3 years ago Report

I have a large question. It might count as constructive criticism. Why was the little girl so incompetent? An 8 or 9 year old would be much more intelligent and mature than her, and she would understand all this stuff. Was just wondering if there is a reason for that.

Helena793

Posted by Helena793 3 years ago Report

The reason was that she is from outside the city of Monstadt on a peasant farm ane did not get a good or any education other than how to work

theteen73

Posted by theteen73 3 years ago Report

Oh ok, well I guess she at least learned to digest.