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Another edit of the previous one bc I forgot a few tags
Jean goes on a walk and forgets LUNCH oh nos!
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Posted by Pkmnguy6262 3 years ago Report
Neat story, and a nice start. Casual underage prey like this with the whole setting is always something i enjoy reading. Certainly curious what else you might potentially write up in the future. Keep up the neat work<3
Posted by NRawk 3 years ago Report
You might want to remover the previous one if this is the more definitive version.
Also, nice ^^
Posted by Helena793 3 years ago Report
Im keeing it up for others to read if they prefer that one
Posted by astrikur 3 years ago Report
You can add new tags even after uploading
Just click the little “edit” button next to the tags
Posted by TETRO 3 years ago Report
It's a little short, but I like the premise. You were asking for some advice earlier, so I'll give you some to help you out:
1) Start a new paragraph (go to a new line) whenever you have new dialog. If you have multiple people talking to each other, go to a new line whenever you switch speakers. It's considered good form and makes your dialog easier to follow.
2) Be careful of run-on sentences. There's no hard and fast rule for this, but just be careful about how many different things you try shoving into a single sentence. This will help with my next advice.
3) Work on your pacing. This one is difficult to define, but you know it when you see it. It's perfectly fine to write very short stories like this, but it'll improve your writing if you slow down a bit and add more details. Out of all my pieces of advice, this one takes the most practice. It'll come naturally to you as you keep trying to do it. To practice this, you can take a particular important moment of a story and really break it down (like digestion). Think about the senses involved: colors, forms, tastes, smells, sounds. Think about what's in a character's head in that moment. Is she nervous? Is she reminded of something? Is pleasure overwhelming her or is this just another pleasant event on a relaxing day?
Posted by Helena793 3 years ago Report
I thought about making these stories into a series though with the restaurant coming up with a new diet plan of meatgirls being the main course because it helps hunger and the overbreeding problems that my genshin world here has
Posted by BroTato 1 year ago Report
Huh. Just realized I couldn't find this in the search bar
Probably due to the underage tag though